There Choice, My Tears

when i find out all i could do was cry. me not thinking about my self but of what my family would think under 21 no job , still having finish school. & me knowing he would never wanna keep it in my mind i was ready to bring someone in to the world in my heart i would be bring in a boy, i don't know just had that feeling it was a boy because i kept call it HIM. IT take me 12 week to own up and tell the two most important people in my life that i was having a baby that i was pregnant and that i was soo far along. i been going thou my whole life where people always made the choice for me never give me a min to sit and think on it alway jump right to it & just when i thought i would make the choice my self there both of them go before i had a choice telling me i wasnt ready to be a mother, my mother my kid father and aunt already made the choice for me with out me specking on it. now as i sit here and sit back on it i know i would have been a good mom a great mother it would have been hard but i would have been great
now the day it self when it came down to the day of the abortion i was ok going in to it but i don't now how hard it would be sitting in a place for 7 hours talking to people about thinks i didn't wanna talk about then what kill me what the most was the picture of my unborn that picture i seen his/her little arm like it was saying hey mommy don't let me go and all l i could do was cry and in my heart i wanted to just get up and walk out but i know that if i did that i wouldn't have no where to go my kid wouldn't have a father a grandmother no family but me and i know in the start i couldn't do it on my own with out no money no home so i had to let my baby go
( someone calls my name ; miss pleases get undress and put on this white grown when your down leave your underwear and bra on and socks , she closed the door i underdress and then put on the grown sit in a waiting room for my name to be called again 15 min passed and my name was called again by some young white girl with nothing but tattoos on both her arms we walked thou double door she told me miss can you pleases take off you underwear then lay down down the doctor with be right with you. mins later a man came in miss i was be putting this in your arm now then your going to count to 10; as i look up the was a picture of clouds and i started to fall asleep and next think i know i was in a chair with nothing but pain full with a room of women with white grown some crying asking god sorry for what i done some asking where there baby others just looking lost and me stuck on stupid not know what the hell i was doing still on drugs hours passed and now i am home sitting in my room in the door mom at work and i wake up lost)
have you ever felt like you wanted to kill you self me looking in the mirror asking my self WHY did i let them make this choice for me why am i feeling like i lost something so close but now it sooo far feeling so lonely looking at a bottle of PILLs........ pills in one hand phone in the other with a groups text to my mom, aunt and ex boyfriend/kid father ( im sorry but i wanted it and you made me give him up i don't wanna be here no more ) but he saved me i can say he stop me my phone started to ring and it read my ex name picking up him telling me please babe don't do nothing stupid we just wasn't ready we till both young and have time. i love you and we gonna be ok YOUR and be ok just because we not together don't mean i don't care and im not here for cause i am & i can say that yes is was there choice but my tears and thank to my ex he save me from doing something soo stupid

soo don't ever feel like you alone cause just when you down and about to break down there always someone there for you even when you feel like they don't care and think about you they do
oncelostbutnowfind526 oncelostbutnowfind526
Jan 7, 2013