I Love You Too Much, The Guilt But Only Described Through Song :(

Please accept my apologies for what could have been, would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Some boy hanging around with all the other guys, or a beautiful little boy with big brown eyes?
I paid for the murder before discovering the sex, choosing my life over your life for your premature death, before you even had the chance to open your eyes.
Sometimes as a foetus, i wonder if you fought for your life?
Would you have been a little genius, played in your school clothes and made me mad. Would you have made me quit smoking then find one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skin tone, the shape of your nose, the way you would have talked either fast or slow.
I'll think about you every year, happy birthday, whoever you would have been.
What i thought was a dream was as real as it seems.
I made a mistake, come up with a million excuses of why you died, but it is me to blame for your homicide.
Who is to say it wouldn't have worked or that we couldn't have tried. I was young and struggling but old enough to be your mum, the fear of being a mother will never disappear.
My vision of a family is visionary fake, when it came time to create i made a mistake.
Maybe you'll someday forgive us and see i'm doing the right thing now.
From the heavens to the womb to the heavens again, from the ending to ending that never begin.
Maybe one day we could meet face to face up in heaven's gracious gates, in a place without time and space.
Happy Birthday whoever you would have been.

I'm gonna take this badge off me, i won't use it anymore, It's getting dark, to dark to see, feel i'm knocking on heaven's door. That long dark cloud is coming down.

I want to hold you high and steal your pain away, i keep one photograph to serve you well. The worst is over now and we can breathe again, there is so much left to learn and no one left to fight.

It's cold in here, feels like everything is upside down, i can feel you talking but can barely make out a sound, i'm gonna change this world if i ever get out of here, she want to dress me in pink but paint my room blue, i laugh to myself as only i know the truth. It's funny with all the commotion, i guess they have me to blame and they don't even know my name.
I've never felt so ready, i think it's time to go. That big old world is waiting and it's mine all mine. Just then everything got really quiet and a big old man took my hand as i saw the big white light everything is alright and mumma's gonna be fine. I never got to set my wheels in motion. They love me just the same and didn't even know my name.

Hard to find a way to get through, it's a tragedy. If you lost your way, i will keep you safe. I'm crawling on the floor to see you, begging on my knees to reach you. I'm a wreck you see, your too far from home now, it makes it hard to believe. We all feel down, we all fall down, please come alive tonight.

I have seen peace, i have seen pain resting on the shoulders of your name. Do you see the truth through all their lies? do you see the world through troubled eyes? If you want to talk about it anymore, lie here on the floor and cry on my shoulder. I have seen birth, I have seen death, lived to hear of a lovers final breath. Do you see my guilt, should i feel fright? Is the fire of hesitation burning bright? You have been through many things, i'll hold on to your heart. I wouldn't cry for anything but you have torn my life apart. I have lived this fear, seen the look of anger on your face. I'll cry.
butterfly789 butterfly789
22-25, F
Jan 8, 2013