Seekind Advice From Someone Who Has Had An Abortion

Dear Users,
I know you don't know me but I wanted to seek some advice and had some questions about that decision you made.

I will first give you a little background about my situation. I did not love the guy but I liked him and looked up to him. We would hook up but he never dated me or spent time with me. So I dunno what I was thinking. Bad decision on my part. The last time we slept together the condom broke. I had to leave an hour or so after that to get to work. I told him I would get the morning after pill as soon as I physically could and I did. Well, I got sick right after I took it and threw up and it didn't take. I had no idea at first and just considered it side effects. The situation is even more messed up because the guy had a girlfriend and I was not under that impression when he slept with me. She found out and they broke up. But then that leaves me. I had no idea I was even pregnant. I mean it was in the back of my mind that it could happen but just kept shaking it off. The guy then "defriended" me well to say the most now that he knows I am pregnant the only thing I get from him are messages. He hasn't faced me or looked me in the eyes to have a heart to heart about this. The only thing I get are his messages and he did call me once. I'll take what I can get. He wants an abortion and I see his worries too, I do, and I feel similar, but then my heart kicks in.
I went to Ecuador right after I took the morning after pill and I just remember going to confession and praying to God in the Cathedral crying and begging him to not let me get pregnant. I told him if I was though that I would bare the responsibility of my actions. I just didn't want to have to choose to end somethings life. I FEEL SO MUCH CONVICTION!! Almost to the bring of suicide. My heart is hurting so bad. These are the things that go through my head. Sure, life won't be easy if I have a baby. I have no support now from the guy involved and I wouldn't have it if I did have a baby...but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be happy knowing how much love and joy a child could bring. My dad always tells me he wouldn't trade me for anything in the world and he raised me by himself. I also think what are my options. I would be willing to walk away from this guy and never encounter him again. He wouldnt' have to ever see his baby or speak to it or love it and I would never ask him for a dime or for anything. If he doesn't want it because it will intefere with his life then he is free to walk away and go on with his life. I would promise to never ever intefere with his life. I dunno if this is because its in me and I am attached to it or what. I am in over my head. I also consider the abortion. I cry over the decision I have to make everynight/everyday. I have to make it soon. I wanted to know how you coped with your decision? Did it hurt making that decision or were you so young it was easier to make it? Did you feel the same kind of convictions as me? Do you ever still think about the baby, is it always in the back of your conscious? How painful was the abortion? do you have any regrets? Did you ever wish the guy would just kick you in the stomach or push down and kill it so that you didn't have to be the one who kills it? Were you alone when you did it or did the guy go with you? I see the logic in the decision to have an abortion for me, although selfish reasons considering I have to kill something, I see the logic. I am just battling with the emotions of my heart. Can I live with my decision or will the guilt eat me up inside? I'm also so scared of the abortion process the bleeding and the pain. I am so greatful for your input, advice and just in general being able to tell you my story. I wanted to find someone to talk to who has actually had an abortion before so bad. A real person, honest answers, without having to worry I am reading propaganda off the internet. I understand you can't tell me what decision to make but any advice you have is greatly appreciated. Sincerely

An Ep User An EP User
6 Responses Jan 9, 2013

1) i went with my boyfriend, the process was way too easy literally and this making it emotionally hard. i didn't even have the balls to look at the ultrasound and if i had im not sure i would of gone through with it
2) the pain was not bad, i was just 6 weeks and some so the pill form was what i was able to do & they give you pain medicine.
3) i was in a situation similar to you, lack of support from the father and i knew i would be going through life as a single mother but i was so deadly afraid.
you tried to take precaution with the morning after pill & unluckily got 'blessed' with a pregnancy. you should like a very wise and strong woman. i was just 18 years old with the maturity of about a 16 year old. many days i think of my baby and what i did for myself without the consent of god or even asking for his guidance. all the while its a decision i live with, DEF not proud but ive grown stronger from my weakness. im confident that after you think it over you will make the right decision. God will be there for you regardless.
much love kayla
my story is struggle & continue

If that's what YOU want, then I would for sure do it! Read my story. It's named. My decision, the wait, and the process. Good luck sweetie.

I can only speak for myself. But I will try to speak honestly and from the heart.
I had an abortion 10 months ago. i knew I didn't want it. I felt I had no choice. The person i loved most in the world (my boyfriend) was insistent that I go thru with the "procedure".
Sweetheart, I have no right to judge you. No one does. I'm not going to preach to you about religion or pretend to understand your situation in all it's complicated detail or to know what you are thinking/feeling.
All I will say is that I KNEW in my heart of hearts that I DID NOT want to have an abortion and I have NEVER lived it down. It has stayed with me every single day. And it always, always will.
I'm not going to say "Don't do it" or "It's wrong" or anything else like that. I'm just going to say that if you know you don't want to.... and that's what it sounded like to me when I read your post... Hunny, listen to that little voice in your head.
My boyfriend will never be able to make it up to me and (much worse) I will never be able to make it up to myself. I've never fully respected myself since that day... and it's not so much because of the abortion itself as it is about the painful knowledge that I allowed myself to be bullied by the man that was supposed to protect me. I allowed myself to be cornered by my own fears and i went against my own wishes.
Please... Don't be me. LEARN from me. Be braver than I was& Listen to your heart.
NO MATTER WHAT you decide- I'm sending you so much LOVE from afar!!!

been through it all and a similar situation, message me if you would like lovely xo.

Despite all their talk about "choice," those at abortion clinics who counsel women on their options often act as if abortion is a woman's only realistic alternative. This simply isn't so.

Throughout the United States, there are nearly 3,000 Crisis Pregnancy Centers staffed by volunteers ready to provide real help to women facing unplanned or untimely pregnancies. [112] In addition to providing pregnancy tests and counseling, these centers often offer a full range of services, helping women obtain housing, maternity and baby clothes, baby equipment, pre- and post-natal medical care, legal assistance and financial support, information about adoption, and even advice on how a woman in school can continue her education. [113] Offering real and tangible assistance, these centers have helped thousands of women to realize that they didn't have to choose between their own lives and the lives of their unborn babies.

Unlike their counterparts at the local abortion clinic, the volunteer counselors at your Crisis Pregnancy Center do not have a vested financial interest in the ultimate decision you make. Their concern and commitment are genuine, so you can count on them to stick by you through the tense and sometimes difficult months ahead.

If you picked up this pamphlet at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center, you already have some idea of the quality of people who work there. But if not, you can look in the Yellow Pages under the heading "Abortion Alternatives," or call, toll-free, 1 (800) 848-LOVE, any time, day or night, to find the nearest Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. You'll find someone who genuinely cares about what happens to you and your unborn baby.

Read my story beneath yours. The blood is nothing more than a heavy period it is painful, but pain killers help of course. Don't be so hard on yourself x