Even In A Family Of 3 I Feel All Alone.

I am scheduled to get an abortion this week. I just found out two days ago that I was pregnant. There are so many emotions I am experiencing right now, pain, regret, lonliness, betrayal, anger, the list goes on. I am in a relationship with a guy I have known for over 7 years. We have been together for a year and a half. When we got into a relationship I was already a mother of one. Shortly after us beginning our relationship we decided to have a baby together who is now 6 months old. We decided after the baby that we did not want to have any more children, so I went on birth control as a short term safety percaution and he scheduled an appointment for a vasectomy. Since my second child was born our relatinship has gone downhill. I started suspecting my birth control had failed and that I might be pregnant. I shared with my boyfriend the disappointment I would feel and concerns I had. Once I read pregnant on the test I knew I had no choice but to get an abortion. This is a decision that still doesn't come easy to me, because while I've never judged anyone whos gotten an abortion I've always been against it for myself. My boyfriend doesnt seem committed to our relationship, is extrememly selfish and emotionally abusive. I have been planning to breakup with him and starting to prepare for it, but am waiting until our lease is up. I know that it took two for this to happen, so I do not blame him but I wish he wouldve been more supportive! He's shown no interest in my welfare, nor my mental/emotional state right now. He's not once asked about how I am or whats going through my head. He acts like nothing is wrong and still would rather have arguments over small things than to talk about the issue at hand with me. I've neer felt so alone in my life, especially while in a relationship! I mean who does that?! How can you tell someone you love them and choose to have a child with them but cant even support them and show no concern for them in a situation like this?! Makes me wonder if his heart ever was in the right place. I just know this week is going to be rough for me. I do have my aunt I can talk to and she is going to go with me when I hace the procedure done, because she went through the same thing years ago. Its just hard and I am so angry that I allowed myself to be put into this predicament where I have to make this decision. My reasoning for being so quick to choose the option and for being set on it is that I didn't have the best upbringing as a young kid and I refuse for my two boys to go through that! I know that I will not be with my second sons father for much longer and I could not provide for three children on my own, two are going to be tight as is. Also I am not emotionally stable enough to go through another pregnancy by myself knowing I am not going to maintain a relationship with the father. Its just a sad story and I really don't know how I got here. I feel so guilty!
rachel0312 rachel0312
5 Responses Jan 13, 2013

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Please try to not burden yourself with guilt. You are making the best choice for yourself and the family you already have. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing your story.

Don't feel guilty. If you feel this is the right decision, then it sure is!
I know how it feels going through it alone. I just had my 2nd abortion and both times I was all alone even though they were 6 years apart.
I hope things work out for you. Just be prepared and remind yourself every now and then why you're doing this, that helps to keep the regret and pain away a little...

its hard going through this alone. and having no one to talk to can drive you crazy. the emotions will still be all over the place for a while. do what is right for you. and know that there are people here who know what you are going through. if you need anything just ask.

I am so sorry for what you are going through physically and mentally. I have my appointment tomorrow to get the abortion pill. I am so scared and well this is my first time being pregnant. Good luck to you and if you ever need someone to talk feel free to send me a private message.

Despite all their talk about "choice," those at abortion clinics who counsel women on their options often act as if abortion is a woman's only realistic alternative. This simply isn't so.

Throughout the United States, there are nearly 3,000 Crisis Pregnancy Centers staffed by volunteers ready to provide real help to women facing unplanned or untimely pregnancies. [112] In addition to providing pregnancy tests and counseling, these centers often offer a full range of services, helping women obtain housing, maternity and baby clothes, baby equipment, pre- and post-natal medical care, legal assistance and financial support, information about adoption, and even advice on how a woman in school can continue her education. [113] Offering real and tangible assistance, these centers have helped thousands of women to realize that they didn't have to choose between their own lives and the lives of their unborn babies.

Unlike their counterparts at the local abortion clinic, the volunteer counselors at your Crisis Pregnancy Center do not have a vested financial interest in the ultimate decision you make. Their concern and commitment are genuine, so you can count on them to stick by you through the tense and sometimes difficult months ahead.

If you picked up this pamphlet at your local Crisis Pregnancy Center, you already have some idea of the quality of people who work there. But if not, you can look in the Yellow Pages under the heading "Abortion Alternatives," or call, toll-free, 1 (800) 848-LOVE, any time, day or night, to find the nearest Crisis Pregnancy Center in your area. You'll find someone who genuinely cares about what happens to you and your unborn baby.