What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger.

My name is Jazmyn. I'm 18 years old. I haven't graduated high school yet, even though I live alone. I met my boyfriend at a bar when I was 16 and had a fake ID. We fell in love in a very short time. I moved to his city and got my own apartment. Things got complicated between us and he lost his apartment and ended up basically living with me. We were on the verge of breaking up all the time. Neither of us were happy. At one point he actually tried to hurt me physically. It was very emotionally draining because I didn't understand why on earth such a great relationship turned so awful so fast. All of a sudden my sex drive was lost and my breasts were so sore all the time. I decided to get a Pap test. When I went back for my results, I was clean. I didn't understand why my body was acting so strange. Come to find out I was pregnant. I freaked out and the only thing I could think of is my life isn't ready for a child. I'm not finishedy education my job sucks and so does my relationship. I was so scared. I cried for so long. I was so sick all the time and I didn't know what to do. I consulted in my sister. Who told my father after promising not too and made it such a hard thing to go through because everyone in my family hated me. My mom is the only one who would speak to me, and we haven't gotten along in years. My mom became my best friend. She helped me through everything. Without her I wouldn't have gotten through it. I went to a walk in clinic to get referred. The secretary was so nice. She knew what was going on and she got right up from her desk and gave me a big hug and reassured me everything would be okay. The doctor referred me to the family planning clinic at the French hospital in my town. I had never been there before. I went for my appointment and they started by explaining everything to me. How it would work. And the form of birth control I would use after. The doctor convinced me to use a mirena. So far I'm not enjoying the mirena. It's not even been a full week and I'm getting bizarre cramps in my abdomen area that I haven't experienced before. The ultrasound confirmed I was just 4 weeks pregnant. I had to wait until I was 8 weeks. So I had to go through Christmas pregnant. It was awful. I couldn't enjoy my Christmas. My boyfriend left me two days before the procedure and made it 100% harder. The day finally came. The night before I had to put two pills far into my vagina and I woke up a few hours later in severe pain. A bit later I started bleeding a lot. A lot of blood and a lot of clots. It was horrible. My mom drove me to the hospital in the morning. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me an atavan that didn't help at all. They brought me into a room with a bunch of beds and other girls just like me. They had me bring my mirena and I was holding it while they pushed me into the surgery room on my bed. The doctor played music and the nurses were really nice. I had to put my feet up on stirrups like at a pap exam. They gave me a lot of drugs that made me barely feel anything. I could still feel the pain. It was bad. It was like a drilling feeling inside my uterus and if not for the drugs I would have screamed in agony. I fell asleep right after it was over and woke up in the room with all the girls and my mom holding my hand beside me. After an hour I got to go home. I felt great that night and the next day I felt like a brand new person. It's been 5 days and I'm starting to get cramps and im sure its from my mirena. I'm so close with my mom now and now I know what I did I had to do. It was for me. And I needed to do it. I feel like such a stronger person for making it through that. I don't regret it. Even though my mom made me go to church the Sunday prior and a woman shared a story about how her 5 year old son was taken from her by meningitis. I felt horrible because I couldn't believe I had an abortive when other women are losing their children.. Just try to stay strong and I promise you you will be okay. You need to remember that this is the best choice for You. Its about you. Nobody else. Hope my story helped. Good luck!
Kelso9088 Kelso9088
1 Response Jan 13, 2013

Hi. :]
i feel stronger now too, i look at my life right now and i know tht my child would be suffering. Making a choice like tht requires you to be strong, it's not an easy one, especially when you have no support from the ones you love most. i've learned tht it's going to take A LOT of time before i have fully healed emotionally & mentally BUT i now know tht ANYTHING is possible for me & i can make it thru ANYTHING. i am STRONGER than ever! Wishing you the best! xo

Thank you! It means so much. It's been a while now and I still feel it was the best choice. I hope you're doing well :) I feel like it was a good choice even more now because I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me the entire time with my best friend. They were sleeping in my bed together in my apartment .. The entire time I was pregnant . It hurts, but I will be ok knowing I didn't bring a child into this world with a father like that.