My Abortion Nightmare!

I would first like to say please don't pass judgement upon me. I am suffering enough mentally and emotionally.

Here's my story:

I went to the abortion clinic on 1/12/13, a date that will be burned in my mind forever. I had an appointment for 9:30am. I arrived on time only to find out that they give multiple women the same time slots. The waiting room was packed with all races and socioeconomic levels. Only two chairs remained for my husband and I. They immediately called us in to pay. I was then called back for the ultrasound which i cried. Then the wait began as the hours passed waiting to be called I just had a bad feeling. I wanted to leave 5 times. I even told my husband that I was going to run down the street home, home being 45 mins away! My procedure did not even start until 5pm. The doctor apologized as they scheduled 26 abortions that day and my name was last on the list. I still wanted to leave. I was finally called back for the procedure ALONE. I was crying and scared, a nurse was nice enough to hold my hand and comfort me. I still wanted to leave! The doctor came in and he was very nice and apologetic for the wait and it was unreasonable in his opinion. I had signed off not to know anything about the ultrasound. However, He then began to show me the ultrasound and tell me that it was twins. I was extremely upset! They saw how nervous and upset I was and immediately gave me the sedation which I agreed to. I have no memory of the procedure, leaving, or the long car ride home. I woke up some hours later from sleeping. I took my antibiotics as prescribed as well as the pain pills.

I called the clinic on Wednesday with some concerns about pain as swelling in my stomach. The nurse said rest and get a heating pad and take 800mg of an over the counter anti-inflammatory.

5 days later and still having abdominal pain and swelling. I always feel really hot like hit flashes or really cold. I have been waking up drenched from sweat at night to the point I must change my sheets , comforter and clothes - my hair will be soaked as I just took a shower. I am fatigued and can't do much walking. It hurts to sit for too long. I feel best laying down. I have serious cramps!

I now call the clinic because of my symptoms and my internal gut if you will is telling me this is not right! I speak with a nurse who once again tells me about the heating pad and anti-inflammatory medication. I tell her that I have taken over 50 anti-inflammatory meds which are not helping. I tell her nothing is helping. I go over my symptoms and she asks so more questions. She then tells me that I have to come in tomorrow because they believe that the baby has not been removed due to pregnancy symptoms. However she then tells me it could just be blood clots or an infection. She said if the baby was not removed and if there are too many blood clots that I could no pass I will have to undergo the procedure again!!!!

I can't even believe that I made this decision in the first place. It makes me sick!!! I felt pressured into this due to a bad relationship with my husband. Our families do not like our spouses so this would not be welcomed. I know selfish. I feel like I could have done this and that I should have just left when I wanted to! I am now suffering big time with depression as I suffer from being bipolar, have PTSD, anxiety and ADD. I take medication daily to control this. I have hidden all my medical illnesses and abortion from everyone due to their judgement. I have no one to talk to except my husband who just blows me off. He could care less about how I'm feeling or should I say suffering. He only cares about endlessly being on his iPhone and jumping when others need help. He basically left me at home most of the time after this. He even had the balls to go help a friend after he dropped me off at home after the procedure. I can't look at him and I am pushing him away. I just feel like garbage!! I am trying to hide my pain and suffering from my son.

I personally regret this horrible decision and if I had to do it again I would never have chosen this path.
An Ep User An EP User
4 Responses Jan 21, 2013

hi, i understand what its like to be in a crappy marriage and have no support from your husband, i am still going thru my nightmare. i have been bleeding for a month. im so tired and depressed and just want this to be over so i can move on. but it just wont. i wish i had never gone through with it sometimes but then i think it would have just made me trapped in my marriage forever and at least now i have hope of getting out.

Hi There

Thank you for writing your message, I have too had an abortion and reading your story shares with me how much we all need support and not to be closeted by social idea's and opinions... Many many women have and are in the position we have been in and need women as you to speak out and say its okay to feel what we are feeling, i had my termination on 10 December 2012 and I am still healing... I will never forget the experience I had and I feel passionately to share with people the experience as more and more woman and men need to know that whether or not one thinks its right or wrong... perhaps we should look at supporting women and men through this process instead of saying its right or wrong.. because either way its going to still continue... so lets look at the healing side :) Thank you once again.

hello there,
I'm so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. I really hope you are feeling better physically. It's sounds as if you need some support. Have you considered telephone counselling? That way you can remain anonymous.
When you're feeling stronger, maybe think about whether or not you want to stay in this relationship? ... You deserve to be with someone who will support you.
As for the abortion. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You did what you felt you had to do. It was a difficult situation to be in - a crisis situation. Forgive yourself, get stronger and when the time is right you can fall pregnant again.

Lady, it sounds like what you need is support. Your husband is not treating you right, and you need others right now to be here. Please PM me. I can offer you a hand of friendship and also some hope. Send me a message, as I prefer to not post my comment openly for others to view.

I sent you a message!! :)