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I Had An Abortion

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By: An EP User
Written on January 23rd, 2013
i am having the procedure on Saturday. Still trying to decide whether to have the medical or surgical procedure. I know this is what I need to do. My boyfriend has been above supportive this past week and says he will support any choice i make. But at the end of the day, we both know we can't raise another child right now. He has a little boy from a previous relationship i am raising as my own. I am the only mother he has ever known and to me, that boy is as good as my own blood son. I love him and want to give him the life he deserves. I need help though. I can't seem to not be angry about this situation. I got pregnant even though i was on the pill and taking it religiously so that this situation would not occur. We know we can't afford a new baby right now. We are getting married later this year and we know we will be together forever. I'm just having a really hard time being angry at him. It's not that i blame him for this or for me having to get an abortion. I too made the choice to have sex and i also agree it's best for our family at this point in our lives. But i just automatically have been so mean to him lately, fighting anything he says. He's been great trying to help out around the house and it just bothers me for some reason. He'll help more with our son and I'll get agitated at that too. I am not trying to resent him and i don't want to push him away, i just need advice on how to move past this. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make and i feel alone. I can't talk to my mom bc we aren't telling anyone about this, so i just sit and have tons of thoughts going through my mind for 8 hours while I'm at work or school then by the time i get home I'm in a foul mood. half of this is hormonal, I'm a wreck. I just don't want to keep taking it out on him and i need someone to tell me how they got through this without it killing their relationship. Someone please help me... has anyone else had a similar situation?
all the posts i keep reading are about the partner forcing them to get an abortion or them breaking up because she wants to keep the baby and he doesn't. That isn't our situation and yet again, i feel alone in this.
By: An EP User
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20 responses
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    monikaphillips
    monikaphillips

    How are you doing, I am worry about you.
    Monika

    Jan 25
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      i'm ok. yes the emotions are coming because I am getting nervous. but I just need to work through this. I realize I am taking a sibling from my son...but I will give him one someday. no I will never tell him i'm doing this FOR him, not because of him. he doesn't need to know, just as I wouldn't need to know if my mother had been this situation. I don't need to ask my in laws...I know them. they're traditionalist Japanese and we're lucky they're helping us at all seeing as though we have a son and are living together out of wed lock. its not about me. the same moment I decided to take that boy and raise him as my own, was the very moment that I stopped living for myself and began living for him. thank you for your concern and I have no meant to be disrespectful in any of my posts. I just need to get tmw over with and see where my emotions stand to move forward...

      Jan 25
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      monikaphillips
      monikaphillips

      I am glad you are ok, I really think you are panicking now as you are really scared of all the situation and you try to explain so everything add up. But look at your son and realize he wouldnt exsist as his mother would panic,what he would be guilty of all the situation, he is so innoccent as well as your baby...

      Jan 25
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      and she has another child as well and when she had our baby she resented him so much that she abandoned him. we haven't heard from her in over year. trust me. the thought that that trash could be a have children makes me sick. and the idea that if it weren't for her, yeah I'd probably be going through with the pregnancy. but it isn't fair. thank you for speaking with me, but I cant back out of this. the appt is made and the money is withdrawn. I refuse to wrap myself in a category with that monster.

      Jan 25
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      monikaphillips
      monikaphillips

      But you are a good, responsible and sensitive person and you have a good hart. Dont worry that appt is arranged listen to your own mother instinct and stop thinking to much. The reality is there is never a right time to have children but they just fit into your life and give you so much joy and happines. You baby would give you a lot for keeping it. Little boundle of joy waiting to be cuddle by you in a few months time. It is not worth to give this chance to go away...

      Jan 25
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      monikaphillips
      monikaphillips

      How are you doing now? How are you feeling?
      Monika

      Jan 26
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      I had the procedure this morning and have been sleeping most of the day. I was a wreck before the appt. but now that its over with, i'm relieved and ready to move forward. my son napped next to me this afternoon and it was a reminder I did this for a reason. he loves his mommy and needs her right now, 100% and happy. i'm having some nausea from the meds they gave me but aside from that i'm feeling ok. thank you for everything, Monika. I really am SO thankful I found this website...its been the only outlet I've had seeing as though I couldn't talk to my mom about this

      Jan 26
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    monikaphillips
    monikaphillips

    The Hidden Cost of Abortion
    Becoming pregnant is probably the most life changing event most women experience. Few women would instinctively choose to have an abortion, but the fear and panic they experience in their unplanned pregnancy can make abortion seem the best solution. Society has given women the message that following an abortion their life can carry on as before. This is very often not the case.
    Countless women find, to their emotional cost, that life is never the same again because, however early an abortion takes place, a mother loses her baby. This is the root cause of her grief and guilt, the reason why many women seek help and support.
    Abortion Recovery Care & Helpline (ARCH) is dedicated to promoting emotional and psychological support by the provision of counselling and supportive help to those in need.
    British Victims of Abortion was set up in 1987 in response to the many requests for help received from women who had experienced difficulties, both emotionally and physically following their own abortions. In 2010 our name was changed to Abortion Recovery Care & Helpline (ARCH)

    Jan 25
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      Thank you.

      Jan 25
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    Inherownwords
    Inherownwords

    Its your hormones that are all over the place and got you all moody. If your boyfriend is being supportive, then let him be supportive. Maybe sit down and have a talk with him about how you are feeling. The most important thing in a relationship is good communication. Keep the relationship going healthy by keeping the lines of communication open. Does he make you feel comfortable? Do you have a close friendship in your relationship? If so, then what's the problem? Of course, him being a male, your boyfriend is not going to completely understand what you may be going through, but if he is there for support then let him listen to you. Also ask him how he feels about your decision to have the abortion. He may be taking it hard as well. This is not an easy decision. But something you both really need right now is strong support team from people and each other. You will both need that support before and after the procedure. Start your healing process as soon as possible. Be sure to look at your other two options such as adoption and keeping the baby. Do you own research and decide carefully. If you feel that for whatever reason you can not proceed with your pregnancy, then have an abortion. But be ready to expect the unexpected. You may feel relieved after your abortion, but feel it emotionally after a few weeks. Be honest about your feelings and talk about it to people you can trust. Seek counseling and attend support groups, if you can. You can heal after an abortion, but you have to be ready to do the work. I am I early recovery from having mine 5 years ago. And I feel so much better. I am happier now because I am talking about it.

    Jan 24
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      Thank you so much for this. Yes my bf and I have a wonderful friendship as well as a relationship and you made me realize, this too shall pass. I am going tmw at 8am for my surgery and I am just ready to get it over with so we can move on with our world. We definitely explored our other options but abortion is ultimately the best fit for our situation right now. financially it would be tolling to just carry the baby to term and i would have to take that money away from our sons care just to do that so adoption really isn't the right option for us either.

      Thank you so much for your kind words. I truly appreciate everything and my boyfriend and i had our first "normal" night last night that we've had all week. A lot of that is from your post. So thank you so so much.

      Jan 25
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      Inherownwords
      Inherownwords

      I am so glad. Remember to keep those lines of communication open. That is very important. And who knows. This abortion could help make your relationship stronger.

      Also be honest about your feelings. If you are feeling depressed, talk about it. If you are feeling regret, talk about it. Do not hold in those emotions. Let it out so that you can heal. Your boyfriend should do the same. Even if you both go see a counseling together, that can help as well.

      Good luck, sweetie. And PM me if you need anything.

      Jan 25
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      Thank you!! <3

      Jan 25
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    monikaphillips
    monikaphillips

    Do not do it I beg you. You will regret it and would think about this little soul every day, thinking how old it would be, how much it would look like you. You see that a big relif come to you when you decide to keep your baby... Yes it is a baby and it heart is beating, it has a nose and eyes and a liitle hands that cuddel you just below your own heart. The baby feels what you feel and is scared belive me.
    Did you see a pictures of aborted remains of baby body, google it and go to images. ANY FUTER MOTHER WHO SEE IT WILL EVEN CONSIDER IT.
    For me it is too late and it is almost 8 years, it is a big pain for me and mine boyfrend who would be a good father. No one tell you about post abortion sydrom PAS, read about it a little and you see that it is against mother protective inticts to cause a terrific pain to this little and fragile human being that you carry. Please listen before it is too late, do some more reserch and see what they really do to you and your unborn baby if you made your mind you need to know what is really happening.

    Jan 24
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      I just want to say to anyone whom is negative on this forum...we do not write because we wish to be condemmed. we write because we hope for some guidance and to feel we are not alone. no one is "Pro-Abortion." I never in my wildest dreams thought i'd be in this situation. But please do not make me feel like a murderer because I am trying to do what is best for my already struggling family. I have a beautiful little boy who deserves the world...and at this point in our lives, my partner and I are unable to give that to him if we were to bring a new child into our lives. This is the most heartbreaking feeling i've ever had...but I know it's best for US, not you. I'm not asking you to have an abortion. I was asking for support... If you are unwilling to give that to others such as myself, then i pray you do not post any more comments because we are already going through enough.

      thank you for your words...but I stopped reading after the first line because I am not wishing to be put through more pain that this week has already brought.

      Jan 25
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      monikaphillips
      monikaphillips

      It took me 8 years and I did have a courage to look how a baby inside me looked like at 8 weeks. I contacted post abortion trauma center and decided I need to talk not to get crazy and 8 years after... I realize I was just in crises there and then I can see now I would come throug it, and the way I felt then is not now... Everything change you wont be in the same situation in few years time and regret will get you, like me... When you made this decison have courage to see what is going to happened to you and "tissue", I was afraid of the sound of a vacuum cleaner after and a have a suction, but I was asleep.
      Regards Monika

      Jan 25
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      embelina06
      embelina06

      Trust me, Google has not been my friend this week..i've spent too much time looking at photos and reading stories... this isn't an easy choice. And you're right, maybe i will regret it. but i also regret that i'm in this situation in the first place and i feel like i've let everyone down for getting pregnant without being married when we already have one little boy. i know i'll regret SOME aspects of this decision, but i need to think long term. we can't afford me not to work nor can we afford childcare for two kids. my in laws are helping with our sons child care expenses as it is and they'll stop that immediately once they hear i'm pregnant. so is our son to be punished? certainly not. i'm thinking about my family when i make this choice. it isn't about me anymore. thank you for your story and i truly hope you find peace one day.

      Jan 25
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      monikaphillips
      monikaphillips

      Did you ask your in law's or you just persume they will just stop? You really need to talk to them as they feel you made your decision without talking to them and weigt it on it. You son would have a sibling, do you think about this? You are taking it away from him you know? And it is not about money what about you? Why you let averyone down? How your son would be panished and are you going to tell him that you had an abortion because of him? Even no he can feel you made such a big sacrafice for him, how would you feel yourself in this situation...

      Jan 25
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    Megan1132
    Megan1132

    I went through a pretty similar situation, and i regret it everyday :( i now have poly cystic ovaries and can't get pregnant... i guess its my karma. Think long and hard before you give up the chance on a true blood family! lots of hugs!!!! good luck<3

    Jan 23
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    dragonflykist
    dragonflykist

    the hormones and emotions are crazy right now. i went thru with mine not really wanting to do it, trying to convince myself that is was just the hormones talking. and my marriage is wrecked, so i cant help there. i also can tell no one i know or any family.

    Jan 23
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