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Really Need Support

Im 18. Found out I was pregnant on January 13. The test turned positive really quickly. I panicked and took two other tests that had the same result. My boyfriend and I pondered on what to do. I have two jobs and make minimum wage on both no way to support a baby on that salary. My boyfriend as well. We decided termination was the best. For one we couldint support are child with the needs required with low income. I made appointment for two weeks later. However during those two weeks I became so attatched to the baby inside me. I felt less alone. At work I would stop what I was doing and touch my stomach. My babygave me a lot of weird cravings so I would always be sure to feed mybaby whatever it was craving. My boyfriend would blow and kiss my stomach. Ive always wanted to be a mom. If I had the money I wouldve kept this baby. I had the medical abortion a week ago. I regret it. I wish I could have my baby back. Going in for my check up after the abortion was torture. Seeing pregnant woman carrying their babies inside them. I yearned for my baby back. I have the picture of the ultra sound of when I was just seven weeks. I keep it in my purse. I try and talk to my boyfriend about the aftermath of all this but he tells me not to talk about it. I cant not talk about my baby. I miss my child. I feel so horrible for what ive done. If I could take it back I would. I would give anything to have my child growing in my womb. Im such a bad person. I miss my baby. I hate myself.
blythe23 blythe23 18-21 6 Responses Jan 27, 2013

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What has to be done, has been done and it already happened. We can't help to be emotional sometimes. But dragging it to your imaginations would only make you feel bad to yourself. Focus to your future and not to what was behind you. And try not to have an unwanted pregnancy the second time. Use every alternative and be careful next. Live a life full of love and not of regrets.

Don't hate yourself. We all do horrible things under pressure; God forgave you long ago. Your BF needs to man-up / talk or you need a break. I hate myself too. The ultrasound is hard to get over; I never will. Just never forget that baby; he/she's in Heaven with my Aurora Belle and many missed others. Give her/him life in your prayers daily. Though I know I'm forgiven, I never forget and never will. Be there for a friend when she needs it too; 43% of women have had an abortion in the US. You're not alone and many will make this decision tomorrow; if you spread the love/awareness, it helps with the pain a little.

Thank you. You are right. No one knows what its like unless they experience it themselves. My boyfriend cant possibly feel the same way that I do. I was attached moreso because the child was in my womb. I will try and work on not hating myself. I am very sorry for what happened to you. But the fact that you are strong after all that has happened to you gives me strength. Thank you again.

You're welcome! You boyfriend may not understand all of what you are going through, but it can have an affect on him too. Perhaps he don't want to talk about it because it may be hard for him. That is why I said to ask him how he feels. You both need to talk about it. If not to each other, then to someone who will listen and be a strong support.

I am stronger because I don't let it get me down. I can talk about it and I am okay. I have a strong support. I feel relieved and at peace with it.

Thank you!

First of all, stop hating yourself. Beating yourself is a waste of time. You did what you felt was best for you and your baby. You did it, its done. Your focus need to be what are you going to do about it right now. It is okay to feel what you are feeling. You are not alone. Its normal. Your boyfriend is wrong about one thing. The worse thing you could possibly do is not talk about it.

You ever heard the saying "secrets keep you sick"? Sweetie, I am living proof of that saying. It is so true. The more I kept it bottled up inside, the worse I felt. I acted out terribly. I hated myself too. My self harm and anorexic behaviors got worse. I had unprotected sex with men I hardly knew. Tried to get pregnant by a man who was 25 years older than me. I had created my own hell. I tried to fix my abortion by trying to get pregnant again. Thank God I never did. But I was living in misery. All because of my rape and abortion 5 years ago. But after I started talking about it, I feel so much better. Now I can say to people "I was raped and had an abortion", without even thinking about it.

We feel that shame, depression and regret after an abortion. But we don't talk about it, and that is mainly because to the cruel society and their views in abortion. We feel that it is safer to hide it. but that only makes it worse. Nobody will ever know what an abortion really is, until they've experienced it for themselves. I've learned to ignore judgmental prolife people and websites because they can be a trigger, which can distract me from trying to heal.

Right now what you need to do is heal. And by doing that is talk about it. Be honest about your feelings. You need a strong support team, whether that is here(ep), a support group and/or a therapist. Even if you need to keep a journal, do it. Give yourself time to grieve over your loss. Sounds to me like you are grieving now. Allow yourself to cry. Most women name their baby and write letters to their baby. That has helped me a lot. I also have a little stone that I carry around and when I think about my baby boy, I hold it in my hands. You can heal from this, but you got to do the work. This is not going to be easy, but it can be done. Also you need to forgive yourself and ask your baby to forgive you. If you believe in God, ask Him to forgive you. If you believe in God, do not let your abortion stop you from having a relationship with Him. Hold on to that relationship, if you have one.

Last, do not let having an abortion stop you from living your life. Take it one day at a time. If your boyfriend is not going to be supportive, then find support somewhere else. He need to talk about how he is feeling as well. So amybe you can ask him how he is feeling about it. That is if he's open to it.

Thank you so much. I can now look at this situation in a better light as opposed to being depressed and full of regret. You have indeed lifted my spirits this morning. I am very grateful.
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There are so many losses your going to go through I'm not sure if you believe that there's something higher in us guiding our hand there isn't many words that I can say that's going to make you feel better but In today's world any child loved or not is going to be under pressure from all sides of life.

Unless we fix this world for generations to come its selfish to bring another soul in to it. The inevitable conclusion that most of us have come to is that the world is a mixed up crazy place. only, old souls are going to survive to the end to fight the battles of men.

The blessing for you is your beautifully wanted child was loved enough by you to understand that not having the means to establish the needs that they would have is an unselfish act of love . Stay strong love your baby here or not and believe that one day huni you will bring them up in a place that love is the main thing . Take care bless you x