I Had An Abortion

I had an abortion about 2 months ago, and it wasn't so hard the process of the abortion but i have had a lot of problems since, my whole family does not know and they will never know, but after i had the abortion i have had alot of problems with by body i was hospitolized because of a supposelly pelvic infection due to supposelly the abortion, so as much as i have tried to move on i am overwhelmed with guilt and i have a constant pain where they said i had a pelvic infection which is a reminder constantly about what i did. I have been thinking about trying to have a baby but i want it to be healthy and i still am not and i probably shouldn't either but i cant help but want one when i see another woman pregnant or another baby. I use to condemn all those girls who wanted to have a baby when still in school now look at me i am trying to graduate and i have this secret all hidden and the pain to go with. and now my sister is pregnant not even 2 months after i had an abortion and i just dont get what to do next with the way my life is going because i just cant get over what i did.
GreenChristine GreenChristine
18-21, F
15 Responses May 26, 2007

too am sorry to hear about your years of hurt; <br />
I had two abortions when very young. How I reget that so much. <br />
<br />
Late last year and it was unexpected, a book called 'And They Still Weep' came into my hands. looked at the title and immediately thought 'I do not want to read this'. <br />
<br />
Something inside of me beckoned that I would. It was a key that was missing. I had no idea how much freedom and understanding it was behine the door it opened, one I needed to find and when I did it was the first time I felt hope from the years of guilt, shame and tears.<br />
<br />
It is published by the British Abortion Syndrome, or the (you can find links to the book there; the head office is in Scotland). <br />
<br />
I recommend people who are still struggling with coming to terms after an abortion, or who feel there is an inner rage or void within fina way to read over the testimonies. <br />
<br />
The common thread of a woman's life spiralling out of control, outward addictive behaviours, relationships and general well being are so markedly affected. <br />
<br />
If you google also Rachel's Vineyard it offers healing seminars for women, retreats to have questions answered to heal finally. Its called 'The Journey' a step by step counselling program to bring about healing; it is apparently becoming more known through its success to give women a way to live without post abortion trauma that emotionally destroys some women's lives.<br />
<br />
I cried reading the book, I finally realised where the hurt began. <br />
<br />
It speaks about it being very common for women who choose abortion to have had ****** and rape, or both, especially around 18-21 years.<br />
<br />
I too wish you love, healing and to tell you that its ok, we do what we do when its all we know to do. <br />
<br />
Our past is part of what shapes us, we cannot erase any of the regrets, bad choices or experiences we wish we never had to walk in, but we can replace the present with understanding so we can embrace the future diffently.<br />
<br />
I am so proud of you that you are expressing this now and realise there are some things needing to be talked through with a professional. <br />
<br />
Remember this, because you chose to speak out, which takes great courage, about something this personal and obviously close to your heart, you are helping others to speak out about the pain they carry around.<br />
<br />
Our words of empathy, compassion, mercy, understanding and love are the greatest tools for all who are with a broken heart for the children they wished they kept, after, and only after, in their growing they saw things so very differently. Also the clinics do not prepare the after math of trauma that in 99% of cases happens, such as you and I have been affected by.<br />
<br />
It is my hope to write something to help turn around the pain and shame into joy and happiness again, to come to a point of acceptance, so that our lives and other's around us can find balance again with. <br />
<br />
I think it is a time in the world where only love, patience and understanding will be needed to heal the wounds that so many have to be healed.

OMG I had the same feeling. I want my baby back and somehow I have been thinking if I get pregnant that I can get it all back. I know this is just a false sense of security because it is not going to fix what I did but thinking about having one is the only thing that has made me feel better like if I replace my missing baby that it will all go away because I will do the right thing next time. Then I remind myself of the reasons I did it. I know I do not want another baby but I just want to be given the chance to do it all over so I can make the right choice. I have a 7-month-old that I am busy with so it helps to pass the time. Nothing has made it better and I've tried pills and I drink every chance I get which is making me worse I think. My boyfriend says pills aren't the answer and I think he is worried about me. He hasn't given me a hug once though and said sorry or told me that it is going to be okay. He is doing nothing to comfort me. I guess we are just dealing with it differently. My mom says she thinks I should talk to someone before I have a mental breakdown. That is what I am trying to do on here. I don't want everyone to know what I did because I have always been against abortion and I don't want others to talk **** about me. People are going to know soon if I continue on this destructive path....

You should not feel guilty or regret that you had to make the choice. YOu were not ready, which is responsible, because you admited that you are not raedy to raise and support a child. What you can do is learn from this. just make sure you get on birth control, I heard iuDS work really well and it stays in for 5 years so chances of pregnancy is slim compared to other forms. <br />
<br />
What i question though is if you've done one abortion, isn't that enough to give youa wakeup to be more responsible in making sure you use some protection, condom alone to make sure you don't have to make another hard choice again.

I am going to see what site that she is talking about...If it is a truely support aite this does not make it i bad thing...<br />
But if it is one of those sites that bash you over the head....and call you bad things...Well that is a different story....and should not be suggested her on EP....and I would be the first one to hit the FLAG button...<br />
<br />
But please do tell me if you are a bit better..... For I do care

First npnp is spam and is advertising an anti-abortion site. Second. I hope you are doing better now, I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain right now. But first things first, before you will raise a child you must take care of yourself! They will need you to be strong and happy! Also, follow what is in YOUR heart on what you should do. Don't fall into another's opinion of what you should do with your life and body. Just take care of yourself, get better, and soon everything will fall back into place. You can and will get through this! if you ever need anything at all PM me anytime!

It's been awhile since my last comment. How do you feel<br />
now? Are you ready to forgive yourself? Those who pressured you don't deserve any sympathy. Get rid of them!

Your story is so sad, and there are others like you that feel the same way that you need to get together with for support. I hope the link below helps. standupgirl.com <br />
There are girls on that site that have been thru the guilt and now they volunteer to help girls like you. Please share this site with your sister also.

Listen, you need to get control of yourself. You did it and there is no changing it. So that it was not in vein, invision the future you want and do not waver until you achieve it. If you allow yourself to become pregnant again before you achieve your vision, you will never forgive yourself. It can become a learning experiece and a growing experience. Either way, it is part of you that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

To all of the ladies that visit here....ANd are still in morning.....Plkease feel free to read my story.....To all Young Ladies....From an Older Lady.......It took me a great deal of time to get ove mine....But with time I did....I hope that my story helps......<br />
<br />
Peace to all that come here.....You are loved

Hope that the PID doesn't keep you from getting pregnant again. Those abortion doctors should be sued! That should never happen. Don't even think of trying again until you're all better. Could be dangerous.<br />
Were you pressured to have an abortion? It's been shown that in over 60% that's the case. Nobody should ever do that. <br />
Next time if you get pregnant, keep it. You'll feel good about having it without the guilt and remorse abortion might bring.

I guess whether she has been here or not ....the responses to her post might be helpful to others going thru the same thing. I know I was interested in reading them myself. <br />
<br />
Having had an abortion 30 years ago...and still to this day regretting it, I will always need to hear how others have dealt with their lose and their pain. No magic cure for regrets but perhaps not being alone with them might help others as well.

i had one at the age of 17, all my friends started getting pregnant not long after and it was so hard seeing them all pregnant. I was 17 and was in no way ready i was drinking and partying way too much! Afterwards i became worse i didnt care about myself at all.. drank more partied harder.. did drugs.. and then i met my partner thru a friend.. i toned down a lot.. and 6months after we met i fell pregnant with my son... i am now 21 and its stil in my mind.. i hate hearing ppl saying abortion is murder it isnt! You have done the right thing for yourself its gona be a hard time as your sister has just got pregnant but put all ur happy enegry into helping her out its by no means an easy thing having a baby.. you will eventually not be over it but you wont feel the need to grieve so much anymore and thats when you know you are truely happy again =) i hope everything works out for you and you enjoy graduating =)

Hello there. I am 46 now and have three teenagers. I'm about to become a grandmother. When I was 15 years old, I had my first abortion. Then at 18 years old another and again at 20 years old. The shame that I unneccessarily placed upon myself was unbearable. I believe (these are my beliefs and experiences) that those three souls are the sames ones that I subsequently gave birth to. I have since the abortions participated in both counseling one-on-one and in a most helpful group setting. Our focus was moving beyond the deaths of our pregnancies. Please give yourself grace. If I had only known how my life would have played out after the abortions, I would have spared myself much heartache. <br />
<br />
I have been married only one-time. Still married to the man of my living three amazing children. We are (as I mentioned earlier) about to have our first granddaughter in a few weeks. At first I didn't tell him (my husband) about the three previous pregnancies. It was so difficult to keep that secret inside. It was deadly to my soul. I finally did tell him after going to a counselor for several sessions---I decided that I wanted to tell my husband (by then we had a baby together) before telling my counselor. I went home and told him. He was so supportive and sad for me. That I had believed that anything I had ever done could have made him love me less, was to him, incredible. It felt so freeing to finally tell him. <br />
<br />
I wish I could sit across a table from you and tell you everything about my experience and let you tell me all your sorrows. I would give you a shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear to hear you. I pray that you can feel my compassion for your situation and truly wish that I could help you in some small way to move away from your pain and into forgiveness.

I am now 49 and lived with abortion all this time.My biggiest problem the guy and my mom were the only ones involed and never told anyone.I have had 2 children sense.I grieve for the child I never saw grow up.Thats just how I feel everyone that makes that decision has to deal with how they feel.I am still after 34 years still dealing with mine.

you shouldn't keep thinking you are being punished for something you felt you had to do for you, Of course you want to be healthy if you want to have a child and conontrate on getting healthy for that but not on ways you feel you are being punished or should be. otherwise it may be harder for you to be the mother you want good luck