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I Had An Abortion

Unplanned Love.

By: patsylee25
Written on February 2nd, 2013
My dad shot himself April 16, 2012. 21 days after my 14th birthday, April 20th, 2012 I started dating my boyfriend Joshua. I got pregnant November 18th, 2012. I found out December 17th, 12.
I had no choice, I wouldn't have a place to live, me or the baby. No one wanted to help us, yeah I'm young but I've grew up through hell, When I found out i was pregnant, i was upset yeah, but damn i got happy and attached.
The hole in my heart was gone, I was finally complete and happy once again, thinking I was going to keep the baby, I looked up clothes, day care, and how too finish high school.
My boyfriend was supportive. He thought we were gonna keep the baby too.
I remember the morning my grandma came into my room and yelled 'If you're planning too keep the baby, you need to leave, I can't help you'.
I cried, I looked for places to live, but the people I asked said no, then the places that help teen pregnancy's said no, I looked up adoptions, I looked up families.
My family attacked me, saying I planned it, saying I was disgusting.
They didn't have too walk into the clinic, they didn't have too live with this, forced into abortion, forced into unhappiness, forced into being nothing.
I can't even get out of bed happy, I sit and cry at night.
I talked too the baby, I sang to the baby, I was happy being pregnant.
They killed my ******* happiness, They made me get it. They made me choose between the baby or me.
I was 6 weeks and 6 days. Do they look at the picture everyday? Do they feel guilty? No they don't care. They haven't even asked me if I'm okay.
I wanted too keep the baby so bad.
I like to think the baby is a boy, I like to think I would have named him Joshua JR. I like to think my family would have been supportive.
I like to think I could have kept him, He was so perfect, he would have been so perfect.
I'm the angriest person in the world.
He was my world between those weeks I knew I was pregnant.
They made me kill him.
I even had a family member say abortion is the same as miscarriage.
No its not. My baby was killed on purpose, miscarriage's are accidents.
By: patsylee25
Age: 13-15 , Female
255 people have read this story

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6 responses
  • jlk2
    jlk2

    I don't think it's healthy you were trying to fill the sadness in your heart with a baby. Children should be born without jobs; you're supposed to fill the heart of your child not the other way around.



    That said, I'm sorry you didn't get the support you should have had from your family now the outreach centers you visited. I hope you can learn to forgive them (and yourself if you feel you did wrong) and try to move forward positively. Maybe counseling or therapy might help to get you at that place.

    Feb 15
    1 like
  • alliemccormick
    alliemccormick

    i am the same age as you, going through pretty much the same thing, sorry to hear about your dad, :(, keep smiling and keep strong beautiful!xx you'll get through it, its hard, but you'll get there.!

    Feb 15
    1 like
  • tinkerbell202
    tinkerbell202

    I'm so sorry you going through this, I hope you find the strength to keep going

    Feb 3
    1 like
  • Wilderorchid
    Wilderorchid

    You have a beautiful heart! Make sure to get some counseling and take care of yourself.

    Feb 3
    1 like
  • Christyna
    Christyna

    Patsylee, I am so sorry to hear this. You have been through so much. Just the loss of your father is tremendous, but the loss of your son is so so sad. This isn't your fault. You did what you had to do in your circumstances. I am sorry that your family abandoned you and your son and made you make abort your baby.

    I agree with everything Flyingstone wrote below. Make a life for yourself. Get an education, but also get into counseling. Crisis Pregnancy does post-abortive counseling at no charge to you. You can also contact Rachelsvineyard.org and go on a weekend retreat to heal with other young women who have lost their babies to abortion. There are scholarship funds that pay for the weekend so you won't have to pay for it if you tell them that you cannot afford it. Rachel's Vineyard provides numerous scholarships all the time. Go and start to heal.

    I, too, grew up with a mentally ill father. He didn't commit suicide but always told us that he would kill us and then kill himself. As a result of this treatment and genetics, I have bipolar disorder. I understand what your father felt in not wanting to live. But he should have never left you this way.

    Please private message me. I cannot send a message to you because you are underage. But if you message me, then I will be able to message you back in private.

    God bless you Sweetheart.

    Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," Says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

    Feb 2
    2 likes
  • flyingstone
    flyingstone

    Your spirit has taken a brutal beating. Your instincts were correct in loving your child. Sweetie make a life for yourself by pursuing an education where you can obtain a good career. You are a loving person. There will be a good life for you if you plan your life out rather than letting it happen to you.

    Feb 2
    3 likes