I Had An Abortion
I am 22 years old and have a 3 year old son.
I met an amazing guy, he was great with my son and the most caring a loving guy I have ever met. He would literally do anything for me or my son, so when he proposed this past Christmas, I said yes.
We were in love and wanted to have another kid and get married so we had been trying for all of December.
On January 2 we found out I was pregnant. We were excited and picked out a name, Briella. I knew she was a girl just like how I had known my son would be a boy. We were very excited, him even more then me since this would biologically be his first. He got a second job and was hired almost immediately, and he was very attentive to my needs and already planning everything out. He would have been an amazing father.
Days after finding out, I started having intense headaches, nausea and horrible food aversions. I also had extreme fatigue, 12 hours of sleep never felt like enough. I was sick, I literally felt like I was dying. I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks.
My fiancé was there with me almost every second he was not at work, always asking what I needed to feel better. I felt like this sickness was taking over my life and like I could barely function. I started resenting my fiancé, feeling he was responsible for all of this. I ignored his texts and calls for days and he would get worried. In my head I debated leaving him but I knew I could not do this on my own. I started contemplating abortion and one day dropped the bombshell on him about the decision. He tried to talk me out of it, almost changing my mind a few times but I held my ground and said I would leave him if he didn't support my decision. In my head I though I'm leaving him either way, I will dump him after this is over.
The next day we set up the appointment. I made him break the news to my parents cause I would need one of them to watch my son. They didn't take it well at all and pushed me to keep it. I was irritated at this point, looked them point blank in the face and told them "I'm getting the abortion, I don't want to get fat." I knew that would be the thing that would silence them into disappointment and I was right.
The counseling day came and went. The appointment for the actual abortion set for Monday January 28.
I was oddly calm the day of the procedure, my mind made up. My fiancé came with me for support. He was broken up over this cause it was also his deceased mothers birthday. I didn't even notice or really care at the time what I was putting him through.
The abortion was painful but not unbearable. It was nothing compared the the pain I experienced giving birth to my son via emergency c-section. I puked afterwards but felt much better after that.
The thing that resonates in my mind was the words the doctor said. He had trouble finding my uterus during the procedure cause of my past c-section. I had a lot of complications during birth and he wasn't the first doctor to express concern over this. Was I killing the only other sibling my son could ever have?
I didn't experience much emotion other then that at the time and left the clinic feeling relieved. I was still having some cramps so my fiancé drove all over town to find the fries and gravy I wanted. He stayed with me as much as he could while I recovered making sure I was alright.
The headaches, fatigue, nausea and food aversions went away right after the abortion.
I broke up with my fiancé a week after the abortion. He was devastated to lose me but I was completely heartless and told him I had been falling out of love for weeks. Even after he paid for the abortion in more ways then one, even though he was the only one still speaking to me or loving me through this, I pushed him away.
Now it's been 2 weeks and 2 days since the abortion and I regret having it and regret breaking up with my fiancé and I regret all the pain I caused him. For about a week now I have been feeling this regret. I lost another few pounds from lack of appetite and I can't sleep at night. I find myself constantly looking up abortion stories online, searching for something but I don't know what.
I feel like I literally went crazy during the pregnancy and now that the hormones are dying down I'm like oh **** wtf did I do?! I wanted a baby girl so badly. I think my son would have loved having a sister.
I'm a wreck right now, crying myself to sleep each night. All I want is my fiancé back and to be pregnant with his child again.
I'm trying to be strong for my son. I make it through the day fine but as soon as he's asleep I break down in tears. I'm trying to keep myself busy and away from my thoughts but at night I can't get away from them.
I don't know what to do. You can bash me all you want, I know I deserve it.
I met an amazing guy, he was great with my son and the most caring a loving guy I have ever met. He would literally do anything for me or my son, so when he proposed this past Christmas, I said yes.
We were in love and wanted to have another kid and get married so we had been trying for all of December.
On January 2 we found out I was pregnant. We were excited and picked out a name, Briella. I knew she was a girl just like how I had known my son would be a boy. We were very excited, him even more then me since this would biologically be his first. He got a second job and was hired almost immediately, and he was very attentive to my needs and already planning everything out. He would have been an amazing father.
Days after finding out, I started having intense headaches, nausea and horrible food aversions. I also had extreme fatigue, 12 hours of sleep never felt like enough. I was sick, I literally felt like I was dying. I lost 10 pounds in 3 weeks.
My fiancé was there with me almost every second he was not at work, always asking what I needed to feel better. I felt like this sickness was taking over my life and like I could barely function. I started resenting my fiancé, feeling he was responsible for all of this. I ignored his texts and calls for days and he would get worried. In my head I debated leaving him but I knew I could not do this on my own. I started contemplating abortion and one day dropped the bombshell on him about the decision. He tried to talk me out of it, almost changing my mind a few times but I held my ground and said I would leave him if he didn't support my decision. In my head I though I'm leaving him either way, I will dump him after this is over.
The next day we set up the appointment. I made him break the news to my parents cause I would need one of them to watch my son. They didn't take it well at all and pushed me to keep it. I was irritated at this point, looked them point blank in the face and told them "I'm getting the abortion, I don't want to get fat." I knew that would be the thing that would silence them into disappointment and I was right.
The counseling day came and went. The appointment for the actual abortion set for Monday January 28.
I was oddly calm the day of the procedure, my mind made up. My fiancé came with me for support. He was broken up over this cause it was also his deceased mothers birthday. I didn't even notice or really care at the time what I was putting him through.
The abortion was painful but not unbearable. It was nothing compared the the pain I experienced giving birth to my son via emergency c-section. I puked afterwards but felt much better after that.
The thing that resonates in my mind was the words the doctor said. He had trouble finding my uterus during the procedure cause of my past c-section. I had a lot of complications during birth and he wasn't the first doctor to express concern over this. Was I killing the only other sibling my son could ever have?
I didn't experience much emotion other then that at the time and left the clinic feeling relieved. I was still having some cramps so my fiancé drove all over town to find the fries and gravy I wanted. He stayed with me as much as he could while I recovered making sure I was alright.
The headaches, fatigue, nausea and food aversions went away right after the abortion.
I broke up with my fiancé a week after the abortion. He was devastated to lose me but I was completely heartless and told him I had been falling out of love for weeks. Even after he paid for the abortion in more ways then one, even though he was the only one still speaking to me or loving me through this, I pushed him away.
Now it's been 2 weeks and 2 days since the abortion and I regret having it and regret breaking up with my fiancé and I regret all the pain I caused him. For about a week now I have been feeling this regret. I lost another few pounds from lack of appetite and I can't sleep at night. I find myself constantly looking up abortion stories online, searching for something but I don't know what.
I feel like I literally went crazy during the pregnancy and now that the hormones are dying down I'm like oh **** wtf did I do?! I wanted a baby girl so badly. I think my son would have loved having a sister.
I'm a wreck right now, crying myself to sleep each night. All I want is my fiancé back and to be pregnant with his child again.
I'm trying to be strong for my son. I make it through the day fine but as soon as he's asleep I break down in tears. I'm trying to keep myself busy and away from my thoughts but at night I can't get away from them.
I don't know what to do. You can bash me all you want, I know I deserve it.
By:
An EP User
