I Had An Abortion

Alone

By: 123jkz

Written on February 19th, 2013

I found out I was pregnant the day after Christmas. My boyfriend said he would support me no matter what I decided. When I told him I wanted to keep the baby, he went on for 2 hours about how we weren't ready. He promised that one day we would have children at a more "appropriate" time. (I'm 18, he's 19). On January 2,2013 I got an abortion. No one in my family knows, and none of our friends know. I'm not quite sure I've forgiven him for making me change my mind even though I said that I have. Ultimately I understand it was my decision, an I have to live with the consequences but I'm so scared. March 4th is 8 weeks and 5 days since the abortion, which is how far along i was. I've already had many suicidal thoughts- why should I live when my baby didn't? It's not fair. I'm so scared and alone. My family wouldn't accept me if I told them, I have no one to talk to. I want to be able to pray, I want to have faith that God will help me through it. But I'm not religious, and if I were to try I'm afraid that He'll just laugh at me because I've sinned. I just need some hope that I did the right thing. I can't live with myself otherwise.

By: 123jkz

Age: 18-21 , Female

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7 responses

Ididwhaticould

I have to tell it like it it's you didn't do the right thing.. But you can still find peace and forgiveness... Whatever god you think is out their will forgive you.. But to keep the peace and forgiveness you will have to change whatever it is inside you that made you think killing a baby is right.. God will bring peace to your heart but a second abortion we prob won't be as forgiving we can't sin ask for forgiveness then do the same sin again and ask for forgiveness again don't think he works that way but pray be a better person and help others that's all you can do at this time

Apr 25
1 like
SunnieV

I know the type you mean, all fire and brimstone and whatnot. I am not particularly religious, but I have also been feeling a lot of guilt and like I'm damned forever for having the abortion. I found this by accident, but maybe it will be something that helps console you. It's a different Christian perspective on abortion. They also have one for Judaism and maybe one more. It seems funny I'm sharing this, because normally I steer clear of religion, but watching it really made me feel better and it might help you too.
http://abortionclinicdays.blogs.com/abortionclinicdays/2010/04/more-from-faith-aloud.html
The website as a whole has some good info, and lots of stories from people who've had abortions and people that work at the clinics. Thanks for your story, hope you feel better soon!

Feb 19
1 like
2momcrew

God doesn't laugh at people. He mourns their sins and forgives them. Give Him a try. He's there. Waiting.

Feb 19
2 likes
Alonein

I had a abortion as well so I know all that u are feeling my bf at the time said everything ur bf dis n I blamed him too.. me an my bf didn't last long after that... but know u are not alone I'm here if u wanna message me.. abortion is very hard to go thru it will take time to get better tho .. but talking to someone will help

Feb 19
1 like
- 123jkz
  How long did you and your boyfriend last? I love him- it's just so hard and frustrating that he's choosing to shut me out when I need him most. I know I shouldn't be concerned with my relationship over my mental health, but he's the Only thing that kept me sane until now. He's been my best friend for 6 years and we've been dating just under a year
  
  Feb 19
  1 like
- Alonein
  We lasted 5months after my first abortion an broke up a month before me second abortion ... so I got my second abortion six months after my first :'( its hard even writing this right now I don't talk about it much.. but I thought that if I got pregnant a second time my bf wouldn't make me abort just cause he knew how I took the first one... but I was wrong... but I know how u feel I feel like I can't ever have kids now.. if u click my name n read my story u will know a lil more about my story.. like I said I'm here if u wanna message me.. hope today was better then yesterday, gotta take it one day at a time
  
  Feb 20
  1 like
missingmyhubby

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to tell your story. Your feeling hurt, guilty, sad all these emotions your feeling are normal not to mention having to go on your own. You pray or just talk to god, open your heart just cuz your not religious doesn't mean he won't listen or forgive you. Just don't keep how your feeling bottled up. It will get better. If you need to talk I'm here. Please look after your health.

Feb 19
1 like

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