Jealous Much ?

If you've been following me + my story you'll see I been on a positive kick quite sometime.

But all things tht come up must come down. Laws of gravity right ?

I've been a little low lately. I love Youtube. I learned how to do my makeup + hair from YT. But I am also subscribed to other channels too. Two women I am following just recently became pregnant. One w| twins. The other just had a bby a couple of mnths ago so she is glowing.

I was happy for them sad for myself and I know I was on the whole positivity kick but some days just freaking s u c k. My life is okay and things are going just fine but I think a lot.

My thinking gets me into trouble sometimes. :}

I think abt my X a lot. I miss the idea of him. I miss the person he pretended to be not the person he turned out to be. Wht I miss most though is being naked in tht relationship. Meaning I miss being able to just BE. No makeup, no smile to mask the uncertainity or sadness tht creeps up on me every now and then.

Or tht monster tht turns me green with E N V Y. Wishing I had experienced tht happiness when I was pregnant. My glow was replaced with dark gloomy clouds because my X ddn't make me feel like he was proud to know I was carrying the most beautiful part of us both deep within me, in my womb, tht seems to be ironically placed a couple of miles beneath my heartā™„

I am annoyed at my feelings playing tennis. Back and forth. Feelings picks somewhere and stay for a while !

[ deep sigh ]

It's just one of THOSE days.

Take Care,
beautifulSTORM beautifulSTORM
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 14, 2013

I understand. My sister is pregnant (I'm a year older and she's 14 weeks along). I do feel pangs of jealousy. BUT, I do not envy the amount of hardship I know she'll endure. She's not established, at all. For as much as I want a baby, I also want to be ready..

Best of luck to you and I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It will get easier.

Yes. Im completely green wit envy. I have 3 cousins giving birth soon and I cant do it. No baby shower gifts. I cant. I cant look at FB or IG and see everyone glowing with bellies. This **** sucks. Oh well. I'll go watch Django again. It will get better.