Help

I dont know if any1 will reply 2 this but plz do.

I found out 2 weeks ago that i was pregnant i felt so much for this life that was growing inside me. I told my boyfriend i thought he would be happy but he wasnt. I cried and told him that i didnt agree with abortions and i wanted to keep this little person inside me they had done nothing wrong it was us and i knew it would be hard.

He told me that he didnt want this baby. so i told my mum and dad thinking that they would support me in someway. They werent happy. I wouldnt mind but im nearly 21 i thought that i was old enough to support this baby no matter how hard it would be.

Everybody told me that this was a bad idea so 3 days ago i had an abortion because i listened to everybody else i just feel empty now ive killed my poor baby that never did anything wrong. Why did i listen to everyone else and not the people who mattered the most me and my baby. I feel so down knowing what i have done i keep having dreams about my poor unborn baby who i have killed. Please i just need someone who will talk to me and help me understand what i have done.

 

unhappy1986 unhappy1986
18-21, F
29 Responses Jan 15, 2007

I know this is hard to believe but it does get
better as life moves forward. You will still
think about it but not as much. It is hard but
you have to get back to your life. Mourn because you should but think about the
present and your future. Sometimes the
decisions that we make are understood
as we live our life.

I had a similar experience and found this support network for the same reason. I feel the same, but we can't turn back the clock, so just know that there are others and no-one can change how your feeling, but they can relate and be there for you.

i know there alot of people saying you should have kept your baby & thats probably how you feel but whats done is done now. i know its harsh but it will only hurt you if you keep thinking about it all the time. in saying that i know its hard believe me!<br />
<br />
time doesn't heal pain either, i hate to say, but it will diminish slowly & won't be so raw as time goes on.i'm not saying it goes away completely either...its probably something you will carry with you for the rest of your life & you will never forget about.<br />
<br />
try to learn from what has been done now & know that you are in no way alone!<br />
<br />
let me tell you something now. your family should not have been so judgmental & they should have been supportive instead especially if you expressed to them you wanted to keep the child. if this is what would have made you happy in the long run, they should have been happy for you & happy to have a new edition to the family. considering you are at a age where you are completely capable of making a decision of such enormity they should have let it be. on the other hand if you told them about how your boyfriend reacted, they may have been a little concerned about that situation, but still, its in no way up to them to make this sort of decision for you.<br />
<br />
never do things for other people that make them happy if they wouldn't do it for you in the first place!!!<br />
<br />
i bet if you had the baby you would have wanted them (your family & bf) to be accepting & apart of its life but instead they showed you something different when you told them which is what probably ultimately led to your decision to abort your bub.<br />
<br />
if you need to chat i'll be here to listen feel free to pm me anytime<br />
xx

i know exacty how you feel im going thro the same pain if u wanna talk message me

how can you have any pudding, if you don't eat your meat?

I wish I could reach out and hug you. I'm so sorry. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. Your child is with God. You can forgive yourself. Let yourself mourn though. Its okay to cry. Its okay not to cry. I've had two abortions. The second one I wanted to keep but everyone was against me. I went against myself and had an abortion also. I found peace at the local crisis pregnancy center at a post abortion healing class. It still hurts- 5 years later....but I have peace most of the time.<br />
<br />
I hope that God comforts you tonight.

I actually just found out today I am pregnant, and I my immediate reactions were the complete opposite of yours. I knew exactly that I wanted an abortion, and actually I didn't want anyone to know about it not even my boyfriend. I thought about my future and all the schooling my degree will require and how I wouldn't be able to go to school and have a child. Now that I've joined this forum, my decision is wavering and I'm not exactly sure what I will do. I'm not saying you made a mistake listening to everybody else, but maybe there were reasons. You are young; as am I- I just turned 21 a month ago and there will always be time for children later.

I joined this site because last Saturday I went through the same thing. I am 22 and I just graduated college. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have every intention of getting married. But we found out we were pregnant, and although it killed me to have to end the pregnancy, I know it's for the best. We don't have enough money to pay our own bills, let alone those associated with a brand new person. We both live with our parents who are still working, so we would have no family members to watch our child. That means we would have been living separately, with me being the sole caregiver of the child. I was not completely opposed to that, but I know it would have been so hard on our relationship. So we would have had to pay for child care, which would have been unaffordable given our circumstances. All we had to offer our child was love, and that's not enough. We try to think of this child as a guardian angel for our future children. And I do feel such pain inside for having been so irresponsible to have had to have an abortion. We always talked about having an abortion if we became pregnant too early, but it was easier said than done. I feel like I let myself down because I am not prepared financially to be a responsible adult, and because I let myself down, I also had to let down my little baby. It's hard. But please know you can talk to me. I won't judge you. You sound exactly like how I feel. I couldn't tell my parents, though. I don't think they would have been happy either to know of my pregnancy. But I did love the few weeks I was pregnant. And I loved and still love my little nugget. It was really the best 6 weeks of my life aside from the guilt and sadness of knowing I'd be ending it. When the time is right for you to be a mom, you will find that everyone is excited for you, and because of this experience, you will be an even better mom. You will love your future children that much more. I hope this helps. Let me know if you need to talk.

I really wish people would stop throwing in you shouldn't have done it... it is uneccessaryI know things are rocky now and the pain is great but it will get easier to deal with since the pain of losing a loved one never truly fades away completely, just all gets easier to handle. Keep living your life the way you want. You are stronger than you even know.

I really wish people would stop throwing in you shouldn't have done it... it is uneccessaryI know things are rocky now and the pain is great but it will get easier to deal with since the pain of losing a loved one never truly fades away completely, just all gets easier to handle. Keep living your life the way you want. You are stronger than you even know.

When i had my abortion, All i could think about was how could i have just Murdered this little one inside me. I now have A son, 6 months old, this was over two years ago that had teh abortion, and it hurts oh so more now, to see my son, and know that he is and was inside me, just like the one i aborted, i regret it to this day. But there are ways of coping with it. What you should have done was told your Boyfriend that if he can't handle what he created, then he's not a man! he's a BOY!! and once that baby was born, you smack him in the face with child support paperwork!!! And guy that says to soemone I dont want the baby!!! Isn't worth keeping around. Get rid of him hunny!!! he's a worthless piece of crap!

Im 21 and I just had a baby three months ago. I wasn't thrilled about being preg simply b/c I felt like my b/f set me up. I raise my son by myself now, and all I can think about are the dreams that I had before this baby entered my world. I was going places. I had a chance at life, and the capability of taking a risk. Now my whole life is this child. The fact of the matter is....You will always have a connection with your baby, but being a mother is very very hard. Men won't understand that, nor will they ever take on as much of a roll as the mother does, even though they think they can. Enjoy your life. Your young, and your just a baby yourself. Plan something big for yourself. i.e. finish college, get a great paying job, and find the man of your dreams. If your baby had come into this world, you would probably just fill guilty for not being able to provide your baby with the best possible life you could have made for youself, resulting in your baby not having the best of you. Don't get me wrong, my child is a buddle of joy. However, I could have waited many more years before I got to this point in my life. Now you have that chance, run with it. Know that God forgives, and forgive yourself. Your child is in heaven, happy, and healthy. You two will be together one day.

Hi,<br />
<br />
I know how you feel. Before I even got to the clinic I was having doubts. I saw a girl come out of the counseling room crying and she pointed to her boyfriend. They left.<br />
<br />
I think about her and I wished I would have been that strong and walked out too. I feel GUILTY, ANGRY, EMPTY and VERY ALONE. Friends tell me things will get better and to just hang in there. I keep waiting for the time but it hasn't come yet. God forgives us for our sins and I know that. I need to learn to forgive myself.<br />
<br />
Please know you are not alone. I know exactly what you are going through and I'm very sorry.

There is the most amazing support online. It is called PASS and it is on the link mentioned earlier http://afterabortion.com/ <br />
<br />
Go there.... browse and sign up so you can read what everyone is talking about and how supportive it is. You dont even have to talk. They have all the topics.... http://www.passboards.org/ but you must sign up. Good luck and hope you are doing okay.

There is the most amazing support online. It is called PASS and it is on the link mentioned earlier http://afterabortion.com/ <br />
<br />
Go there.... browse and sign up so you can read what everyone is talking about and how supportive it is. You dont even have to talk. They have all the topics.... http://www.passboards.org/ but you must sign up. Good luck and hope you are doing okay.

i completely understand what you went through...dont blame yourself or anyone else. It wasn't the right time in your life to have a child and absolutely No one can judge you but the God himself. My best wishes go out to you

I just wanted to say that your not alone. It's been four years since i said goodbye to my baby, for what I think were valid reasons. At eight weeks I terminated my pregnancy and at twenty six had thought long and hard before deciding to do what I thought was right for the baby. <br />
I also thought that my family would get past the anger of the pregnancy, though a one night stand, and support me. However my father took it the worst telling me point blank not to have the baby and to get rid!!! I fought my corner and in the end the decision was mine. However I also paid the consequnces after. The pain and suffering that comes after the initial, thankgod it's over is immense. I don't believe that anyone who has not been though this experience can fully comprehend the amount of guilt and self lothing that you endure long after the world expectys you to shut up and get over it.<br />
<br />
The one thing I can say though that it doea make you realise how precious life is and how you should appreciate the options that life sometimes throws your way. I do believe that my decision was justified but I also believe that I was to blame and I recieved the biggest wake up call of my life!!<br />
I hope you, like me, don't forget your baby but also learn to beat yourself up a little less. The pain you feel is ok, it is aloud, just because the timing was wrong for you doesn't mean you were. We are aloud to morn our children and even aloud to remember them, afterall they were a part of us. Just know in your heart of hearts that when your time comes your child will be the most precious gift that you have ever recieved and at that point you were ready and you knew you would be grateful. A lesson I wish I'd learnt a lot earlier with a lot less heartache

I understand you completely. I had my one and only abortion at 21 too, and I haven't gotten pregnant since. And my ex that i was pregnant by who was my man at the time is the only man that i ever can say was my soul mate and true love. i regret the abortion to this day and i know how you feel, you will always regret it and wonder what if. But the thing is you can not beat yourself up because it was not meant to be babies are a lot of work and you really might not have been ready. So many other things are going to happen in your life because you are free of responsibility. maybe like finishing school maybe meeting the man of your dreams maybe getting the job you always wanted. i am sure these things right now don't match up to your feelings of loss for this baby but hopefully you learned now your feelings are more important than any advice you can possibly recieve.

Forgive yourself, and take any grief and pain you have to God, if you believe in God...and realize that no one has the right to judge you, because none of us are sinless. Only the sinless can judge the choices of others. Forgive yourself and seek someone to talk to...perhaps a counselor or a good friend. I think it is<br />
important to surround yourself with as much support as you think you need right now. Maybe find a support group. Write, paint, express it in some way. It was very brave of you to write your feelings here.

Don't let anyone judge you, you did what you felt was right at the time. Speaking from experience I had one about 7 years ago. I had a similar situation, I feared for my life because my ex-boyfriend threatened me. But, you gotta forgive yourself. You might need professional help because the pain might lessen but the memory of it won't go away. If you wanna talk about this or anything else don't hesitate to write me.

hey, i know how you feel. i had an abortion 2yrs ago when i was 16. i wanted to keep the baby so badly but made the decision to please everyone around me. the father vanished and didnt want to know so i thought i would be making everyone else happy. i regret my decision and always will, as i acted in the interest of others rather than those of myself and the baby. i will never be able to turn back time, and i will probably never be able to forgive myself, but you will learn to live with it. its so hard to begin with, and although it never goes away, it will lessen with time, i promise xx

you shouldn't of had an abortion there a lot of people that colud of help you and u had an option of adoption so why did you do that you were stupid next time think about it

I don't think your narrow-mined view-point is of help to anyone. Please try to show a little more compassion.

You should not judge or condemn another woman's choice.
We should be supporting each other!

I hope you've gotten some grief counseling. We all have our stories. Most of us have made a huge mistake or two in our lives. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like it has been so hard for you. You deserve support. I know how hard this is. I too had an abortion.<br />
Look into counseling, there is also generational healing. You are 21. You deserve to have a long and happy life. Oftentimes, it is through processing our deepest grief that we can help learn to truly be at peace and go on to help others.

I know exactly how you feel because the same thing happened to me when I was 14. I'm now 18 and I still think about it every now and then but you can't but all the blame on yourself. When there's so much pressure on you and you feel like everyone is going to give up on you if you make the wrong choice...your almost forced to do something you don't want to. I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. But eventually your life will all come together. I also used to be in an abusive relationship with the person that got me pregnant and he tried to hurt me and the baby so maybe it was better off. But now I have the best boyfriend and I explained to him what happened and he totally understands me and he's the love of my life.

love if I was you I would have kept your baby you are old enough to look after one and you were prepared to do it alone, I had my first baby at 19 i've only just turned 20 my son is 5 months, i've just found out i'm pregnant again to my ex, if I do decide to keep this baby and not in ahead with the abortion that i've booked in for on friday it will be born on my son's first birthday.

I do not know how long u wrote this, but hopefully time will heal wounds. Your indiscretion cause you possibly lifetime misery. Protect yourself so this will not happen in the future b4 u r ready and do not need other people input in your decision. Just prayer and ask God to give you the strength to carry on. I feel your pain. The baby was innocent.

Have the baby. You will never forgive yourself or your boyfriend or your parents if you don't. Sure life stays normal on theoutside if you have one. If you have the baby though, you won't have those feelings of regret. I wish so badly someone would have told me that while I sat there in the waiting room. It took me 20 minutes to decide if I should sign the papers. Have the baby, or you'll be broken for a very long time. I would have had my baby last week.

Sorry you had to go through with that. You always have a connection to the life inside of you. I hope that you can get through this.

HEY IF U WANT U CAN TALK TO ME..I HAD ONE TOO AND FEEL THE SAME WAY. I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO BECAUSE I AM SOA SHAMED TO EVEN TELL ANYONE