Distant Memories Still Haunts

...not exactly haunts but sometimes I feel sad about it. It was yrs ago when I was 18. No way I could have had a kid at that time with everything going on around me. I have two beautiful sons now that are my blessings, but at times I get sad and feel guilty that I didn't give that child an oppurtunity to exist.
SomeOneInTheWorld SomeOneInTheWorld
26-30, F
4 Responses Jul 28, 2007

I sure do. Sometimes I will wonder why if he loved me, would he say he didn't want it? I wonder why he would want me to have to go through with something like that? I get mad cause I know there is truly no way he could relate to how I feel...I understand it is irrational too. I think he can tell at times that I get down about it. It usually happens when I am reminded by something...tv..etc.

Yes, there really is no one to talk to who won't try to judge you. Do you ever get angry at your husband, since you did eventually marry? I used to sometimes I would look at him and get angry that we were still together and we could've kept our child. But then I realize that I'm being irrational. But it's hard.

I find myself, now with 3 children of my own, in the same spot you are. I have my moments of utter guilt, shame, yet at the same time, a pain so deep down of regret. Especially when I realize just how beautiful my children are. I know that I made the decision that allowed me to have the life that I have now (finishing school, etc), as well as my husband (we eventually married). However, the pain never goes away. What makes matters worse...it is something I really cannot share with others; only my husband. I still don't think he can relate to the pain I feel.

That must be sad, but you have to be strong. Now teach your boys about protection so the cycle will not continue..