Numb, Empty, Lost...

I recently just found out that I was pregnant. I had a feeling that I was, but didn't want to believe it. Thinking that it would just go away, but it didn't. My husband and I have been going through tough times, and already have 2 children that we struggle to take care of, and bringing another baby into this god for saken world is the last thing I would want to do. I have always been pro-choice, but always told myself that I would never be able to face an abortion. Noe with it staring me in the face, like an elephant in a 3x3 room.... I am faced with a decision that I never thought I would have to make. To get an abortion.

I have been through it all in my heard. Give it up for an adoption for a couple who aren't able to conceive their own child. No. I couldn't bear a child living somewhere with my blood pumping through his veins fueling his brain, and not knowing who he/she was. I couldn't do that.

Instead, I have made the decision to go through with the abortion. I am still undecuded on my complete feelings. I know it's something that I do need to do. For myself, and my family. I am scared of the outcome though. I wanted to come here for support, not drama.

My husband and I have chosen not to tell anyone. Friends, family. NOBODY. This, I think will make it harder for me to go through not beung able to talk with anyone on the process.

silverncold silverncold
2 Responses Feb 16, 2009

Hello.....I am here for you if you need to talk....I had to have one when I was barely 16.......that was 33 years ago.....So I would understand......I am here for you if you wish....or anyone wishes to chat about anything....An abortion is not as easy a fix for a life changing problem as most people think.....Some have no problems after...But there are those that have deep scares....And it is to those ladies that I extend my hand of sisterhood....<br />
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I understand....I will not judge....I am here.....let us get through this together.....

I found out I was pregnant at 11 weeks and like you, I had a feeling I was.. my boyfriend somehow did too, but I didn't want to face it. I kept thinking it would go away. I was 24 and had been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years. I just started graduate school and we lived in 2 different states. We knew there was no way we could bring a child into this world at that time. And I agree with you, adoption would be just as hard if not harder. We both knew we had to get an abortion. The process was difficult, but I almost felt numb once I knew what I had to do. I barely remember the process. The worst part is the after-effects. I'm sure its different for everybody, but at times I feel great knowing I made the right decision and at other times, I feel guilty. We, too decided to not tell anyone. We were the only ones who ever knew about it. I feel like that is better. You don;t have everybody asking you how you are doing. You are in control of when and how you want to talk about it. You don't have to hear everybody's opinions. As long as your husband is supportive and there for you, you will get through it. Let him know that it will be difficult when you get it done, months later and even years. Let him know that you will need him to understand and support you. The best thing to have is support from him. For my boyfriend, it was also really hard for him as well. There are times that he wants to talk about it but he says he doesn't want to bring it up because he doesn't want to bring up the memories. So remember it will be difficult, but as long as you know you are making the right decision and you are there for each other, you will be just fine. It will be hard, but you will be fine... both of you will be.