Still Feeling the Effects...

I had been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't really know I was pregnant until 11 weeks along. It was weird because I feel like those 11 weeks we both sub-consciously knew. We would make jokes about me being pregnant and what our kid would be like. We had been in different states for a couple of weeks and when I was at the airport, I started feeling sick. I thought it was just nerves because I was so excited to see him. I called him right before we took off to tell him I was on my way and as I told him I had to go, he said "ok, but I have a question. You aren't pregnant, are you?" and I said "no" but as I started thinknig about it I was about due to have my period. Apparently, he had a dream that I was. Well I finally found out I was pregnant and we knew automatically what we had to do. We had talked in the past about what we would do if it happened. Currently, we are living in 2 different states because I just started graduate school so a baby was definitely not what we needed right then. Also, there were a lot of weddings, parties and football games (tailgating) that I had been going to and we were worried about what the effects of that would be (being that I was almost 3 months pregnant). It was difficult, but it seemed like an easy decision and with him by my side and being so supportive throughout the whole thing I knew it was the right thing for us. The day came and I told him after I had "healed" I wanted to put it behind us and never talk about it again. Well we have because its been hard. But lately, I feel like it is always on my mind. At my age, there are many of my friends who are pregnant and some of them are not married. Also, I feel like every tv show I watch is about it. I feel like I made such a selfish decision. I know it was not the right time but when I see other people accepting it and being happy about it, it makes me feel selfish and upset. It is also about 1 month away from te time that I would have had my baby and I think that might be a problem as well. I just know that it could be happening to me in a month and I definitely do not want a baby at this time but I love my boyfriend so much but it hurts me that I ended something that we both made. Also, neither of us have told a single soul about this. I just have felt like I get really upset when I think about it and I just want to get over it. Will I ever get over it?

holly234 holly234
22-25
3 Responses Feb 17, 2009

As you mentioned that you due to your current life situation you could not have taken proper care of the baby. So I think its not an incorrect decision. That soul which was to come might have not had the congenial circumstances it would have needed for growth and evolution. <br />
Look at it this way, you did not end an "evolved" consciousness. You might have closed a door. But that consciousness or mind would find soil somewhere else. Of course it will. And when you are ready, you can invite another beautiful consciousness to take root in you.

i think 2shy4you01 is right, you have to forgive yourself. i hate to say it but its hard and if you don't forgive yourself its only going to get worse. my girlfriend had one too and she had many nights of tears. <br />
good luck and hope you find peace

I know that it seems hard right now. I was in a similar situation like that. I dont know if you are a spiritual person but the only thing you can do about it is pray. I was actually woke the whole time it happened to me. It is a very painful experience and to answer your question I dont think you get over it. You just forgive yourself and move on. If you dont feel that your life is what you want it to be right now then you made the right decision. As for me I cried everyday. I have a son now and I love him but I still think about what I did three years ago. So again just forgive yourself and when the time is right you will know.