Just Yesterday

I'm only 19, so to me, I needed to do it. I'm not very motivated, and I'm scared of a lot of things that happen in life... So I thought, when I found out I was pregnant, that I'm too much of a child to even think about having a child. I wanted a child when I was ready, when I had the money, and the means to take care of a baby, not to mention, I want to be married. I thought of my options, adoption. Honestly, I don't like the thought of going through birth, just to give it away... That would be too painful. So, my boyfriend and I called the clinic. They said that it would be over $400, and I could have an appointment on Friday, February 20th. When it came down to the day, I was so nervous... After filling out my paperwork, they took me back for a sonogram. That's where it hit me, I was pregnant. They told me I was 7 weeks. 7 weeks, with a growing life inside of me. I thought about not going through with it, but I decided, we made this choice. I needed to do it. Waiting was the hardest... I was sitting in the room, waiting for the doctor... I could hear the machine they use in the room next to me, it almost felt like I was waiting for my own execution. Later, when it was my turn, my heart dropped with she came in. This was going to be it. I was going to have an abortion. Something I argued with about myself ever since I was old enough to understand it. I don't like abortions, but... I don't remember the process, the drug knocked me out, so I didn't feel a thing. Today, I'm recovering. I know I made the right choice, a personal choice, and it will be hard to think about it when I do decide to have a wanted child. It may have been selfish of me... It might have even been wrong, but I know that it would have been worse if I had tried to raise a child I couldn't take care of, and give it everything it deserved. That's my story. I've learned my lesson about unprotected sex. A little too late, but now I have a prescription for birth control. Please be safe.
Hamster3ater Hamster3ater
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 21, 2009

I understand exactly how you feel. I am also 19 and just had abortion 2 weeks ago. Day to day i wonder ifi did the right thing, and i can never come up with a good answer. I hoe that one day you make an amazing mother and ihope you dont have as hard of a time as i have had.

Don't tell yourself you were selfish or that it was wrong. Everything you said was about not being able to provide for the baby - not that a baby would have cramped your style or would have ruined your life or career aspirations.<br />
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When you are ready the way you feel you need to be ready, you will make a great mom. You sound very level-headed and thoughtful, and you made the best decision you could. <br />
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I agree with the adoption sentiments. I didn't even consider it because I figured if I was unable to afford a baby and I had a job (albeit part-time), imagine how a baby's life would be affected if it were adopted at all and its parents lost their jobs and homes - especially in this economy. It's a very real possibility. <br />
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The next few days, weeks, months might be an emotional rollercoaster for you. EP helped me get through it and gives me strength each day. Don't hesitate to visit and update us, private message, whatever you need to do. Whatever you do, don't clam up about it. It helps to talk. <br />
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I couldn't tell my family, though they make statements that make me think they would support the idea of an abortion if someone were unable to provide for a baby, but I'm sure they'd be disappointed if they knew their own daughter had one. But then again, when aren't they disappointed in me? <br />
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Anyway, it hurt not to have someone to talk to, but joining EP brought me closer to women who understood and supported me. You will also find critics. But just remind yourself of your reasons for choosing the very legal option (except in North Dakota now...) and remind yourself that you want your future children to have more than you could provide them now. <br />
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It might not be easy in the near future, but it doesn't have to cripple you with guilt or sadness. <br />
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Good luck.

I completely understand where you are coming from. I had my abortion when I was 14 and felt the exact same way you do. My experience is actually identical to yours, so I truly feel you. My best advice is to not tell anyone, and if you have to, make sure you trust them 100%. Also, the emotional pain will hit hard at some point, but remember that you probably wouldn't have been able to provide the life you would have wanted to the baby. Good luck in your recovery and please stay strong.