I Changed My Mind and It Still Happened

I found out I was pregnant when I got into my 8th week of pregnancy. My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 6 months and he has been planning on joining the Air Force. When I told him his immediate reaction was to have an abortion because he didn't want the child to not have him around while he was deployed. I told him no way and that I needed time to think about my decision.

As a few days went on the pressure from him got harder and harder and I finally decided that it was the right decision to have the abortion and so I made my appointment.

4 days ago we got up early and went to the clinic.. I filled out the paper work and went in for my Ultrasound and as soon as i saw the baby on the screen I knew i had made the decision for the wrong reasons. I only decided to do it because that was what he wanted and because I was afraid of raising a child alone. I began to have a panic attack and told them I didn't want to do this anymore and so they gave me something to 'calm me down'. What i realize now is that what they had given me was an extra strength dose of Vicodin which caused me to be extra groggy and i had no idea what was going on . The next thing i knew i was in the procedure room getting a shot of painkillers and before i knew it the procedure was taking place.

I am still in a lot of physical pain from the abortion and I feel so empty on the inside i just dont know what to do. I try talking to my boyfriend about it but the only thing he can say is i'm sorry and if i knew thats what would happen i wouldn't have told you to do it. I know that i can't change things now but I wish so much that i could go back in time . I miss feeling like a whole person. I left so much of myself behind at the clinic that day.


jessliz jessliz
8 Responses Feb 23, 2009

You've already gotten so many comments, mine are really not much different. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, the feelings will pass and you will gain perspective about this experience in time. My first abortion tortured me emotionally, but 21 years later I am certain I did the righ thing, depsite the feelings and the circumstances. And it did not take 21 years to reach that conclusion - only weeks.<br />
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The actions at the clinic do seem suspect. I've known many people who work in women's clinics and I've never known any to be unethical or so militant about abortions as to not allow a woman to change her mind. Abortion is not for everyone, for every situation. I suggest talking to them - giving them feedback about your experience. They need to know how you perceived their actions. I'm not saying legal action may not be warranted, but a conversation is a good place to start.<br />
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Hugs to you...may you heal quickly - on all fronts...SS

Get rid of that boyfriend. He's a selfish SOB!<br />
As for the abortion clinic, they ought to be sued! You had every right to change your mind. What they did was assault and battery. You ought to file criminal charges and they should lose their license!

honey I really feel you should consult a lawyer to make sure your rights have NOT been violated. I believe you deserve better than this! ((HUGS))) take care ok!

The feelings you are having are what a lot of women have felt......including me. I'm so sorry for what you have been through. *hugs* Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Jessliz- I have personal experience with this subject. It will take a few weeks, but you WILL spring back. Do everything they told you to do to take care of yourself.<br />
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I understand that you didn't feel happy or relieved by this, but now that it's done, you are forced to start over from where you actually are, not where you wish you were. You do not have any other choice but to keep moving forward, and not look back. You cannot dwell on what might have been because it's just a fantasy now. <br />
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You and your boyfriend might break up one day. (I'm<br />
not saying there's anything wrong, just saying that it's always a possibility) Now would be a good time to choose a better form of birth control (obviously, what you were using before didn't work out) That way, you can choose to have your baby once you're more "set-up" and in a better situation for full-on motherhood. Maybe by then, your boyfriend will have finished his tour, and grown up a little more, or maybe you'll be with someone else one day...<br />
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It must sound like I am advising you to say "Oh Well" and not care. No, I am actually glad that you care, but you can't un-do it now, so you may as well prepare yourself. Work on where you will be 3-4 years from now: What boyfriend, what living situation, what job, what birth control?? Then when everyone is happy about it, it will work out much better. If you hold on in your mind to your new plan, maybe it will help to take the "sting" out of what you feel today. Best wishes.

OMG I can't believe that.

I would get a lawyer....I know that it will not bring your baby back.....But what they did was wrong....You changed you mind....And they took that right away from you......<br />
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Here in California if someone does something that causes a woman to loose her baby....They are up on murder charges....<br />
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But please do not beat yourself up.....And if you want please message me...I am here for you....

(((HUGS)))) i'm so sorry for all you are going through... stay strong ok, you can and will get through this... If you ever need anything at all, feel free to PM me anytime!!! (((HUGS)))<br />
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I know you must not feel strong, but you are and in time things will heal, I will not say the pain will fully go away but handling it will become easier with time and acceptance.. again if you ever need any extra support there is tons around here to go around! <br />
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take care ok!!!<br />
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