I've Actually Had Two...

Hi everyone.

I've been pregnant 3 times (that I know of). The first time, I had my son, in July of 2001. Then in October that same year, I found out I was pregnant again. I had JUST turned 20, was dealing with Post-Partum psychosis (in the literal, textbook sense.. I was being told to put my son in the clothes dryer, to see what would happen), my new husband (we got married in December of 2000) was either totally absent or abusive, and after the whole 9/11 thing, threatening to leave to go back to the Army. I'd just been dx'd with hypothyroidism, among a host of other things.

We knew I couldn't go through another pregnancy. Physically, probably I'd be fine... but emotionally, it'd be like putting me through a blender on Warp 8. And I was already bad off.

So on Nov 5 of that year, we went down to Omaha to have the abortion. That time I was 6 weeks along. My husband went with. He was, surprisingly, a great support.

Since I am so sensitive to my hormone levels (can't even do the Pill cuz of it, I go CRAZY)... I ended up having a bout of PPP anyway. That added on top of what I was already dealing with with my son's birth, I landed myself in the state psych hospital for a few weeks.

Fast forward a few years.

It's 2003. Things are going a little bit better. I'm out of the post-partum stuff, still a bit off-kilter, but doing okay. Finally on a good mix of drugs for me (Depakote at 1500 mg a day, Paxil at 20 mg a day and Abilify at 15, remember this for later), the abuse is still going on, if anything worse, but I can get away from him sometimes.

September comes. We find out I'm pregnant again. Can't really figure out how... I was using an IUD, which gets removed, of course. The whole situation gets blamed on me. Especailly since I want to keep the kid and tell my parents right away. They're excited as all hell, another grand-kid sounds great!

October comes, and I start getting the test things done. They're concerned because I probably got pregnant in late July or early August, and since I didn't find out till mid/late September... I was taking that combination of drugs that whole time.

I'm told that with the Depakote... it'd be about 80-90% that there would be birth defects, probably severe. Add the Paxil and Abilify in... I'm sure we've seen the commercials about the Paxil and heart defects. I was on a fairly high dose, too.

As near as they could tell with the ultrasounds, which is not an exact science, there was some abnormality. So, after a move across country to WA, we go to the Planned Parenthood in the U District.

As if things weren't bad enough, it's Friday the 13th.

They were very nice, treated me very well. Before the procedure, they found out I was at 13 weeks, so it was a little bit more of an involved thing.

So, yes, I had two abortions. And I have no regrets. I know that I did the right thing in each case.

kalika kalika
26-30, F
3 Responses Feb 25, 2009

you an ***

Oh, very much so. I'm in a wonderful relationship, my Borderline is very much under control (on Friday I'm going in to tweak meds.. need a better-fitting anti-depressant). <br />
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My son is 7, and doing well. He had to repeat 1st grade this year, more cuz of his dad not putting him back in at the beginning of last year. Oh well. Anyway.<br />
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Almost 2 years ago, I had an elective tubal ligation. After having several miscarriages between and after the abortions (probably due more to the physical abuse/emotional trauma I was going thru in my first marriage than anything else), I decided it was the best course of action. I didn't want to have any more kids. <br />
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My fiance has 3 by his first marriage, we've talked occasionally about doing in-vitro or adopting, but that's not in the cards right now, probably never will be. But, that's okay.<br />
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Things are good! <br />
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Sometimes I wonder... but I know I did the right thing.<br />
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Oh, and coincedently... I once sat down and figured out the "probable" times the pregnancies would have come to term... and they're within about a month of when my fiance's kids were born (one single birth, one set of twins). I just found that interesting.

Personally I think you made a right choice on the ligation.

Are things going good for you again?