Idk If I Can Go Through With It

I took a pregnancy test on 2/13/09 and it was positive. My last period was Jan. 1st and I knew there was a huge possibility. I noticed that my favorite foods were suddenly making me nauseous. I can't take smells very well. Everything makes me nauseous.

It was really easy then to say that i'm going to have an abortion.

The more time that goes by the less I want to do it.

The reason so much time has passed is this big run around this whole process has been.

I originally called Planned Parenthood to schedule a medical abortion. They said okay it will be $360 and your appt is feb. 26th! Why so long!!!

After reading about so many failures with medical and having to get a surgical done on top of it, I changed my mind. I called back to let them know I wanted to make the switch to surgical. The lady that answered this time asked me if I had medical insurance, I said yes hoping maybe I would be covered and woudn't have to pay. She then told me that for the pill it would be 560! and for the surgical, I don't remember but like 800. I said you know what nevermind. Cancel my appointment, i'm going straight to my health care provider.

*If I would have never changed my mind, i'd be going in tomorrow to have an abortion. Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach. In a way I am relieved.

I call my health care and schedule a routine appt. For that I only had to wait 3 days. By the time I get to see a Dr. it's Feb. 20th. All they do is take a urine test to confirm the pregnancy. I was there for like 2 hours because I couldn't pee for the life of me! Usually, I have no problem peeing in the cup, I guess I was just nervous. The nurse tells me I need to schedule an appt. with ob/gyn and with them I could talk about my options. My appt. was this past monday the 23rd. She tells me to get there 30 min early to fill out paperwork. So I get there fill out the paperwork, finally speak to the Dr.they tell me i'm about 7 weeks ( I read the heart starts beating at 7 weeks! ) and I tell them I want to terminate. They tell me that i'm to schedule an appt. with family planning and apologized for having me fill out that paperwork. They also told me that once I get to family planning, they will perform an ultra sound. I regret not asking if they could do one because I'm still not 100% sure. I mean if i'm healthy and the baby's healthy and is already having a beating heart, then i'm not sure I would feel ok with myself if I aborted. I know I had a few drinks, but so far this year I have cut down on drinking for the first time since I was 16. Not because I know I was pregnant, just because i'm kind of tired of it. Having a baby is probably something I could live with for the rest of my life. As for abortion, i'm not sure at this point anymore. I know my family would be ok, maybe even happy for me being pregnant, I think abortion is more looked down on in my family and I don't think they would understand if I got it done. Ok back to the story. I called family planning, they asked me a lot of questions and then told me that I'd have to call them back in 3 business days to see if I even qualify for the procedure and how much my co-pay will be. Another 3 days!!! I'm going to call thursday and see what happens. Hopefully I don't have to wait another week to get an appt.

If things were different and I had a good job and had some money and still had my own apt. I think I would totally keep the baby. But I don't have anything right now but credit card debt, student loans, and i'm even in debt with the orange county courts for traffic tickets I never took care of and now owe about $2,500. OUCH! I learned my lesson!

My bf forgets i'm almost 2 months along and gets frustrated at me for not wanting to go to the gym at night with him after he gets off work. I tell him i'm not feeling well and that i'm nauseous and he had the nerve to tell me that I was going to turn into a fat slob if I didn't go. OOOhhh that made me soo angry!! Instead of going off on him I simply said DO NOT TALK TO ME RIGHT NOW. I text him after he went to the gym alone. I said please be more understanding and considerate when I say I don't feel well. I am almost 2 months pregnant and i'm going through a lot right now. I can't say things like this at loud because I don't want his parents to over hear anything. He text me back "ok" When he came back he kissed me on the cheek, and I knew he was sorry. We had a little talk and I said, "look, I am nauseous like 24/7, I just don't talk about it" If I talked about it as often as I felt it, he'd probably end up sick with all my symptoms!!! lol.

I just had to vent about that!

For now, I am just playing the waiting. I don't know what my final decision will be. Until then I will keep you all posted.

Thanks for listening

VanGo VanGo
22-25, F
6 Responses Feb 25, 2009

Hey there is a blog I found that relates to your story it is at please check out this girls story.

Hey there is a blog I found that relates to your story it is at please check out this girls story.

Hey there is a blog I found that relates to your story it is at please check out this girls story.

So the doctor said: 'Ok and what do you want me to do?' <br />
She said: 'I want you to end my pregnancy, and I'm counting on your help with this.' <br />
The doctor thought for a little, and after some silence he said to the lady: 'I think I have a better solution for your problem. It's less dangerous for you too.' <br />
She smiled, thinking that the doctor was going to accept her request. <br />
Then he continued: 'You see, in order for you not to have to take care 2 babies at the same time, let's kill the one in your arms.<br />
This way, you could rest some before the other one is born. If we're going to kill one of them, it doesn't matter which one it is. There would be no risk for your body if you chose the one in your arms.<br />
<br />
The lady was horrified and said: 'No doctor! How terrible! It's a crime to kill a child! <br />
'I agree', the doctor replied. 'But you seemed to be OK with it, so I thought maybe that was the best solution.<br />
The doctor smiled, realizing that he had made his point. <br />
He convinced the mom that there is no difference in killing a child that's already been born and one that's still in the womb.<br />
The crime is the same!<br />
<br />
Please check this:

Wow, your boyfriend's a total unfeeling douche. I felt the same way, even when I was sitting in the waiting room of Planned Parenthood, about to take the pill to end it... I still couldn't make up my mind. Everyone around me seemed so sure of what they were doing, but not me.<br />
<br />
I sympathize with you on the drinking, especially. If I had known I was pregnant sooner I could've stopped and would have been able to keep it, but I was drinking daily for at least the first 5weeks if not more, and I was about 7wks when I aborted. This was just a couple days ago, in fact....<br />
<br />
If there was some way to know for sure that I hadn't "ruined" my baby, I wouldn't have thought twice about keeping it. But I do a good bit of drugs too and I doubt very seriously the child would've been ok. It haunts me though. It's like a constant cloud over my head. It's only been a few days but I hate myself so much for doing it. Don't do it unless you have to. It's really hard to live with, especially if you're in any way religious. I'm not necessarily, but I am a somewhat spiritual person. Now I don't even feel like I can pray anymore. I feel like a murderer.<br />
<br />
I had the medical (pill) abortion at home, and it was traumatizing to me. It was better than the surgical, (you don't even want to know the details of exactly what they do.. it's like something out of a horror movie), but I felt like a monster, flushing my baby down the toilet like it was nothing.<br />
<br />
If you think there's any way you can support it, especially if you have family that will help: Keep it! <br />
<br />
But have a long, long talk with that a*sshole bf of yours. Make sure he understand what's going to happen and that this is just as much his fault and his responsibility as it is yours. It can be the worst, most lonely feeling in the world to be pregnant and not have a supportive boyfriend or husband. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do: if you want this baby, even if he doesn't, keep it!

after reading your story i really feel for u. even though i do not have a job or even my own place i woul love to have a child. 2 years ago i suffered from a miscarriage an have recently found out that i may not be able to have children at all and i am only 21 i think u should keep the baby