Female Input For a Male?

Ill try to be succinct but after 4 days Im beginning to see that there are two issues, I welcome all thoughts and prejudices:

BACKGROUND:Our relationship is may, december. We have been together almost 6 years. Broken up once (she wanted to see someone that her "best friend" hooked her up with, her brief desire ended badly, during this time i too saw someone we stayed apart for about 4 months)we have been together since. (about 2 years.)  Although a tad gunshy I did and still do love her and over the past couple years I'v e grown to love her even more. 

    May is an absolute animal lover to the nth degree, intelligent and beauty that is widely apparent by all eyes not just mine, soft spoken(unless drunk then she is quite argumentative confrontational and outspoken)vegetarian, attending college full time on line, drives at night with high beams on to make sure she can see animals from a distance and not accidentally hit them, finds a spider in the house picks them up and carries outside, not outwardly affectionate but up until about six months ago very amorous in the bedroom and up until about two years ago (the break up time) always ready willing and wanting.  our sex life she says is in that next stage (unless she is drunk then she is extremely sexually  aggressive in or out of bed). In fairness there has been alot going on the last 6 months (we've both been very busy) and the sex had dropped off due to that but otherwise i believe we were both in love have plans to move to new area an set new personal goals. 

    Since the breakup she has been much closer to her "best friend", during that time when they were both single.. Her"best friend" now plays a major role in her life and sometimes i feel like Im Mays friend and she is her relationship. (Phone calls everyday sometimes three or more) When this friend is available (lives an hour away) and wants her to visit May drops everything and goes spends the night or weekend invariably gets drunk etc etc.  Best friend is an alcoholic, freely admits it, has been very promiscuous or maybe we call it woman empowerment now, passes out, binge drinking the whole nine yards. She is all about herself has to be center of attention is crude and thinks its funny and generally one of the best rationalizers for her actions as anyone i have ever known and without a doubt the most self absorbed individual on the planet. I dont understand this attraction their core values arent the same but when they get together their drinking is.  Since May has been in  college this has been cut to about one weekend a month.

    I am older, handsome, intelligent in most matters, romantic but not a big drinker, I like weekend getaways, skiing water and snow, our animals (13 cats, three dogs and two birds, plus a visiting racoon).  I have been successful in business (cant type very well though) and been unsuccessful in business but I am financially secure and although Im 50 I look much younger and generally thought of as Richard Gere type, but Im taller, maybe its the hair I dont know.  I am self assured but very perplexed over my current situation and what it all means..    

   THE CRUX OF IT: After our first two years together May became pregnant, she said then that there is no way she would ever have abortion and i supported the decision, i am not adverse to having children.  I feel it is the womans place to decide and the man should offer his opinion and desire but if not married certainly let the final decision be the womans and support her.  Two months into the pregnancy she lost the baby.  We have talked little about it May does not want to. The memory is very painful. 

    When we broke up she was late on her period again and I wrote her that I was sure no matter what she would make the right decision if pregnant and if she was and had the baby I would be more than happy to raise the child by myself.  To my way of thinking I gave her options not a mandate to not abort.  Turns out she wasnt so it was a non issue.

Five days ago I  come home and May says she had an abortion,,,,

I am in a daze.  I said what about your period last week? She said that was bleeding from the abortion.  I said but the month before you had it because you said it was a double moon or something like that and it disrupted your period.  She said it turned out it was spotting.  Who Knows? Her best friend.. Are you physically ok?    Just still bleeding some...  I feel betrayed!  Why didn't we talk about this.   Because you had things going on and that letter you wrote when we broke up you would have wanted to keep it ... I am blown away by this

My trust is now seriously compromised, the fact that she turned to her friend instead of me...I feel like the relationship is over...its just a matter of time... but I am also concerned that her abortion goes against everything she believes in and i am concerned that her actions are going to hit her head on and i am worried for her...she lied to me the weekend of abortion her friend went with her then took her back to her place and then left and partied all night.. May was alone I spoke to her three times that night... what kind of friend would leave her alone?  what kind of friend would not try to convince her to talk to the man she lives and cares about for the past six years??  Did I have a Right to know, shouldnt we have discussed this rationally??   Im trying to keep cool for fear of setting off what i fear will be a guilt explosion by her.. I still love her but the unconditional love is in jeopardy... please all comments questions

1blue10 1blue10
46-50, M
3 Responses Aug 13, 2007

Hey there is a blog I found that relates to your story it is at catsoncats.wordress.com please check out this girls story.

As a woman, I think what she did was wrong. I have had two abortions the first my fiance (bf at the time) wanted me to have it and the second was my decision. Although it hurt him deeply, we talked it over both times and we're still together today. It is my opinion that just because a woman has to carry the pregnancy does not mean the choice is solely her's, especially if she is in a loving and committed relationship. I'm sorry to say, but I really think that you have to reevaluate where your relationship is going if she doesn't value your opinion on an issue that concerns both of you.

why? - selfishness.