I am 19 and yesterday I had an abortion. Unlike most people my age I did not terminate this pregnancy because of finances or issues with the father and most certainly not because I didn't want this child but because of injuries I sustained last year. Last year I was in a bad car accident a young man had a seizure came into our lane and hit us head on leaving me with a back broken in two places, a leg that has lost just about all feeling, and ribs that the doctor described as disintegrated in my medical report my only brother who was with us that day had similar injuries but did not survive. I found out I was 9 weeks pregnant last week and I have never had such feeling of joy and heartache at the same time due to the wreck I had a lot of scaring in my abdomen and was told conceiving might be difficult for me so when I saw that little peanut on the ultrasound I was awestruck and while I was watching it stuck out a tiny hand and looked like it waved I was so happy but then reality struck having a child would literally rip me apart killing me and the child so I had to choose between terminating the pregnancy or risking my life luckily my boyfriend was very supportive and never pressured me either way but due to the pressure on my back this early on and the fact that I had been having more and more trouble walking I decided that an abortion was my only option. The clinic I went to was very nice the nurses helped explain the whole thing almost the whole time I was crying they tried to comfort me telling me it won't be a long or painful procedure but what they didn't understand was pain didn't scare me I had been trough a lot and honestly I felt like I deserved all the pain I got. well after a little paper work and taking my vitals they took me in a large room with three other women they where totally at ease while I'm still crying a nurse comes in and asks us if we were sure about wanting to do this and then handed us each two pills to start dilation and to answer any questions and to hand us all gowns and as soon as the gowns where on the doctor was ready and impatient the rushed me down a hall but due to my leg I wasn't really keeping up so she just about dragged me but we got in the room with the doctor and I of coarse am still crying thinking how terrible of a person I am and the nurse is still telling me it won't hurt and just as the doctor puts the needle in my arm I think what would Ben ( my brother) say to this and after that I don't really remember anything till I'm in my cousins car on the way home I had apparently woke from anesthesia fine after the procedure they gave me a cup of water and sent me on my way but today I feel terrible like I keep think I wonder if it was a boy or a girl who would it have taken after and most of all would my bother be ashamed of me right now the emotions are worst than any pains I felt. Well that's just my venting a bit.
Kimba112 Kimba112
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 15, 2014

You did what was best for you, your family and the actual child that MAY have come after. If something happened to you while in labor, severe injury or death, what would have happened to the child? Would your brother have raised it? Is the father ready to be a single parent? Who would your parents have dealt with the loss? How would the child have moved past that?! If you became disabled would you have been able to care for the child? So many questions and too many risks. You did what you NEEDED to! Birth is dangerous as it is, extra danger is just insane. Try therapy, it helped me. And who knows what the future holds for you.

Your brother would not be ashamed of his sister for protecting her own life. He would be supporting you every step through your journey and still is from afar. Please, do not think of yourself as a terrible person. You made a good choice for yourself and you should be proud!

I know that coming from a dude who has and never will have any idea what you're experiencing, this might seem ridiculous, but you aren't a terrible person. Sometimes you just aren't ready for a child. And it's perfectly okay. It isn't "murder". You're a woman and what you do with your body is your own decision. Don't feel so bad. :)