About a year ago, I became pregnant. I was 17, and I was terrified.
I was always responsible, I was always careful. I had my entire life figured out, a 4.1 GPA, all my college applications in, and 2 jobs at the time. I just couldn't understand how this could happen to me.
I was so young and so in love. We were crazy, passionate, and just all around in love. We got caught in a mess of all the passion we had.
I had my abortion 10 months ago, but now, it seems like forever. I relive my memories every now and again.
I relive my memories of crying when 4 tests were positive, the way my ex comforted me from 100 miles away, how he supported my decision to have an abortion right away. I relive the memories of waking up in a cold sweat every night, terrified that I was no longer pregnant. I relive the memories of crying at the clinic, crying at my ultrasound pictures, crying through the entire procedure, and crying for the next few months when my baby was no longer with me.
I loved the life inside of me. I loved waking up sick every morning because I knew she was still there. I loved naming the little life inside of me. I loved the glow. I never lost that hope that I could continue to watch her grow, but I knew I couldn't. My future was too important.
I made my choice for my future and for my family. I had to go to college, I had to get away from a city where people get stuck, I had to make my family and friends proud of me.
Now, I feel so strongly about the way that people treat women who have an abortion. Women like me are treated like monsters. We're treated like we had a choice in the matter. No one understands the love a mother feels for that baby, whether she keeps it or not. I pay for my sins every single day because of my choice. My baby girl should be 3 months old with beautiful blue eyes and dark hair, but she's not. She's still my daughter though, and I am still a mother.
I refuse to let women feel guilt for their decisions. It was your choice. You do not have to feel bad for the decision you made. Do not let religious ******** interfere with your life and your happiness. God gives second chances, God gives forgiveness, and I've felt it.
You are not a monster. You are so beautiful, and you are so strong. The weak are the ones who want to make the same decision, but can't, because honestly, it takes so much strength to give up a life that was made from love. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, but I am so strong and so beautiful because of it.
I can move on and keep my head up because I know I made the right choice for myself. I am a functioning member of society, I am a high school graduate. I am a student of one of the top universities in the country. I am amazing because of my decisions.
I can overcome anything and you can overcome anything. Do not let ANYONE bring you down for your decisions. It's not their decision, it's yours, and you will be okay.
af996 af996
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 19, 2014

allow Jesus to come into your situation and help you, we dont see clearly without him, he sees everything. put your trust in the lord, even in this situation and he will work it out for you

Some people believe in God and some do not. Abortion is not necessarily a religious decision for a woman. It is a life decision made
based on the woman's life. People need to understand this and not judge women who have to make a very difficult decision.