I found out today I am pregnant. I'm 21. I have a boyfriend, whom I am completely inlove with and he feels the same about me. I'm a student, a preschool teacher, and I have a 3 year old beautiful and wonderful daughter who I would die for. My boyfriend isnt the father of her but he loves her like he is.

I found out today I am pregnant. I love pregnancy. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. I was so happy. The situation was bad, I was 16. But I never looked to abortion. Im prochoice but I would never harm my own child. I have never wanted to go back and change things. I did the responsible thing and still am trying to.

I am pregnant. I live here, in a midwest state. My boyfriend of almost 2 years lives in Canada. Hes in the army there. He cant move. Im in school, I cant move. I have just enough money to support myself and my daughter. I have to abort this baby.

We talk about getting married and having kids weekly. We both love kids. We want a family. But we're supposed to wait. But now I'm pregnant. It was an accident. We took plan b. It was an accident. And now I have to kill the thing I want more than anything.

I feel dead. I keep talking to this 3 week old fetus. Saying I'm sorry and I do love it but I cant keep it. I feel sick and disgusting. I kept one baby but this one doesnt get a life. I already have depression. I dont want to kill my baby. Its my baby.

Its my baby.
elizabethsmith50 elizabethsmith50
22-25, F
10 Responses Aug 23, 2014

I hope there is a neutral person you can talk to and open your heart to. Someone who will accept your decision and not try to pressure you one way or the other. You have time to think about this, take your time and your space. If you can see someone for your depression it would be a good idea.

If you're going to never forgive yourself for this you should look into adoption...

We can NEVER be prepared for a baby. We make it happen, things find a way of working themselves out, we just have to have faith. And I say this as a person who recently aborted and completely understands the struggles of raising a child alone. The thoughts that run through our heads of how can we do it all over in such situations. I don't regret my decision BUT I do wish I could've had enough faith to remember that the first time around I started from nothing and had no idea how I would manage...& somehow I did. As parents we push forward, our kids give us the strength

My advice is don't rush the decision. You sound very confused and distressed at the moment and that is not the best headspace to be in when making a decision as huge as this. You need some real life support here. I would arrange to see a counsellor ASAP. And if you can, confide in a close friend or family member who understands you and your unique situation. If it's early days you have a little time on your side. Just don't rush. You need clarity and certainty first. Also talk openly and honestly with your partner. But also do not let him pressure you into aborting the baby if it isn't what you truly want. You need to decide for you, because at the end of the day, you are the one left holding the baby!
I had an abortion in December last year. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done, and believe me I've gone through some sh** in my life. I know I made the right decision based on circumstance but it kills me that I even had to make that decision to begin with! Not a day goes by that I don't think about it though and what could have been. It's tough, either way.
If you want to chat or vent, I'm here.
Best wishes with whatever you decide xoxox

Im afraid. Im so afraid of waiting. If I decide fast enough I can get the abortion pill. Im so scared I'll need in clinic abortion done. I dont know how id live with myself after that. I read it all. Its awful.

I appreciate this. Everyone. It means so much. After having my daughter and what her father did to us, I dont really have friends anymore. And the small amount I have wouldnt be supportive. School is everything to me. Its how I can stop worrying about supporting my daughter. Its how I can finally be with my boyfriend for good. What I need so we could start our family..

And now, I dont know if its even worth it. Or if I want it. I dont know anything anymore. Is this normal? I just feel nauseous. And scared. I feel so much but also, not anything. For those of you who went through this, you are so strong. Because I dont feel like I'm going to make it. I just want to die right now.

I think it's entirely normal to be as confused and scared as you are right now. Please promise me you will phone and arrange a counselling session with someone today/tomorrow so you can try and sort through your options with a clear head. A professional will be able to guide you through the process and help you deal with any associated emotions.
Only you can make the decision that is right for you. Every situation is unique. I think it's so important you talk through it with a professional before you make any decision. No matter what the cost of the counselling, it would be money well spent.
You are a strong woman. I mean look what you have achieved in life already! You are going to make it, whatever you decide to do. You will be okay. And you have everything to live for. Think of the daughter you already have. I know as a mother that she's your world. Whatever the outcome of this pregnancy, it will all be okay.... hugs xoxox

You have to do what's best for you and your family. Whatever that is. If you keep it you'll basically be a single mother, school would most likely have to wait. Do you have support?

You could consider the option of an adoption...

She just said how hard this is. You think she could carry it for 9 months, give birth and give it away? I don't. And adoption is awful. Odds are it will sit in the system until it ages out.

I wouldnt. If I am carrying a baby 9 months I will keep it. I can't look my child in the eyes and then give it to a stranger. I understand people cant have babies and adoption could be a beautiful thing. But its not for me.

We made the decision when we bought Plan B. We decided we'd do this if it actually happened. And we decided we werent being responsible enough, and id get back on birth control. I can't have a baby right now. Its not fair to this baby. My head is swimming and I feel so sick.

I cant tell anyone. My family wont support me. I wouldnt support me. I hate myself. I'm a recovering cutter and I have severe anxiety and depression. I feel so dead.

You need more support then you have, more then EP can give. You need someone to hold you and talk to you. If necessary go with you to the clinic and hopefully stay with you after. Does you school have counselors or therapist? There is no shame in asking for help. There is no betrayal in wanting to choose another option.

You cannot buy the abortion pill over the counter. You HAVE to go to a doctor. Plan B will NOT abort your baby. It is made to prevent ***** and egg from meeting.

I know. I have a clinic Im going to so I can schedule it. He can't be here. So im going alone. We took plan be after the accident happened. Not to abort. It just didnt work.

I know of a support site. Please PM me for details. I will not make the site public due to the nature of it. It is heavily modded and for support after abortions.

Yes and plan b also makes the uterus a hostile environment so if they do meet the embryo can't implant. I am so grateful for plan b. After I was raped the first thing did was take plan B and luckily it worked

You made the decision before you knew you were pregnant. Things have changed you are pregnant. Since you are having these feeling you need to discuss it again, but you need to do what you want and what is in your heart. Maybe he is having feelings about it to. As a couple you need to have a serous talk that you lay your heart on the line and how this is affecting you. This is already depressing you. The depression will worsen after the abortion. You know your psych history. Consider going to a therapist to talk about it. But I honestly feel the writing is on the wall that psychologically an abortion is not for you. You need to stay mentally healthy for your daughter. Financially you may struggle a few years but it will work out. Talk about it with your boyfriend but remember this is your body, your choice, and if you have an abortion it's because you want it. I had an abortion I regret and would do anything to un due. It is when my first episode of major depression hit. I have battled depression for years and the issue of my abortion has caused more pain in my life than anything. It broke my heart. Someone mentioned to you to follow your heart. If you don't you will be crushed. The pain from it gets better but it never goes away, and after the abortion you have to live with yourself. The guilt and shame is horrible. Not all women feel like this. I am telling what I am because of what you disclosed about what is going on with you. Good luck sweetie, you have my support in what ever you decide to do.

I am so lost right now. I'm going to talk to him. But I feel so sick. Physically and mentally. I don't even have words for him. I'm just lost. Thank you for your support, it means so much. I came to this site because I just wanted someone to say it's okay and it will be over and better. But I know it won't. Im never going to be better.

It is ok and it will get better m'dear.

A lot of women who abort feel this way but after it's over and they can look back they often see it was the best thing for everyone. Talk to him and see what he feels.

It is concerning that the decision to terminate is making you psychologically ill. It is concerning with your history. If you have a former therapist it would be a good idea to consult with your clinician. But from what you have said , post an abortion will rock your world. It is the most emotionally painful thing I have ever gone through. The pain never goes away, you just learn to accept and live with it. There are other options, have your baby or do an open adoption. You believe you are carrying a life and you talk to your baby. That is predictive you will struggle with an abortion. For women who believe differently it is easier for them. If you need me to help you tap into social service that will make it financially possible to continue with your pregnancy contact me. There are lots of groups out there. They usually help for he first few years. There are also programs to help single mothers go to school. It is not easy, I am a single mom but it has brought me more joy and happiness. When I had my daughter her father wanted me to terminate and I considered it for a brief amount of time. I knew what I went through with my last abortion. I still think of the baby I lost. The abortion was UN necessary. It brought me sorrow, remorse, guilt, grief and heart break, being a mother has brought me love, joy and happiness. But there are women who are happy they had their abortions. But they don't believe like you and they are not the women who were putting their hands on their stomach talking to their baby. It seems as if in some way you are already attached and love the embryo you are carrying.

I agree with Dino. I just had an abortion and the pain and regret I'm feeling is almost unbearable. I feel the same way as you do now. But the difference is you still have the option. Either choice will be a struggle. You just need to think of the struggle you can actually handle. And from what I've read, I think abortion would completely destroy you. And you already have a child that you can't afford to not be present for. So you need to think about how this decision will affect her also.

It just doesnt feel like I have an option. And I've never once hated my boyfriend. He is the love of my life. But i do right now. I hate him. And I hate that he keeps apologizing. And saying he feels sad too. And I hate that he says we'll get through it and hes with me. He isnt here, Im alone. And he doesnt feel this way. He never will feel this way. And he may get through it but I wont. I wont forgive myself. I cant.

If he's the love of your life. Then it means that you're the love of his life, right? He needs to not think about himself but instead think about the person he loves the most in the world. YOU! He needs to understand and put into perspective how this decision will affect you. By him giving you those generic responses is not going to consul you. You need to explain to him how this will change you. Because believe me. It's going to change you. And if you change. Your relationship is going to change. Do either of you want that?

The relationship will change no matter what. She may resent him for this but she may resent him more for being a single mother. Without help she'll need to put school on hold and even with it she'll have to raise two kids alone until he gets home. You regret your abortion and that's awful but I don't regret mine and neither do a lot of other women on his site.

I hope your pain gets better. The first year is the hardest, consider counseling. That is what finally helped me

2 years ago me and my spouse made the exact decision. We decided when we took a Plan B pill that if we got pregnant we would abort and now he has admitted that he regretted that decision. That his decision was solely based on fear that he wouldn't be a good enough father. All our babies need is our unconditional love. Our parents got it wrong a few times and so will we. But if we have unconditional love we have what we need to get by the mistakes.

13 More Responses

Have you talked to your boyfriend and family about it? If you want to keep this baby and are this heartbroken now then think how you'll be after. I'm pro-choice but I'm also pro-happiness. The timing and situation aren't right but they rarely are. Follow your heart and you'll never regret it.

This is going to be difficult for you because you believe your embryo is a life. You are talking to it. An abortion will just be the start of your problems. It doesn't end after the abortion. Find pregnancy support centers. The Christian groups are very helpful. They will help you. There is also public assistance. Have your baby, you are in a stable relationship. The financial stuff will work out.

If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.