Regret, Updated 1st Story.

I was foolish, so disrespectful to myself, unprotected sex was a norm.

 

It was September the 29th. The night started like any other. Met him, had sex, left. Nothing had changed. The days went by, still met him every couple of days for sex, unprotected still. This continued until I started to feel wierd. Being sick up to three times a day, every day, tender breasts, missed period. I thought nothing of it. I was away at this point and all I could do was confide in my best friend, and tell her my fears. She comforted me, thinking positive, so that rubbed off on me.

I returned home on october the 13th, still not thinking about the situation.

When home the same cycle repeated. Meet, have sex, leave.

It wasn't until october the 24th until I went to the clinic. My best friend came as support. I did the test and the nurse left the room, came back and there it was, I was pregnant.

Did I ever think through all the times I had unprotected sex this would happen? Honestly, no.

I knew I had to tell someone, but my parents were a bad idea. I would have been killed. I decided to tell the school nurse, I knew she could keep it confidential. Speaking to her I knew I had to tell some one, So I chose to tell my Aunty. She came to see me, tears streaming down my face, unable to speak. Decisions I knew Id have to make running through my head, and all i could think of was how was I going to tell the lad. Well the simple answer was not to.

The next problem was my decision, I knew i couldn't keep it. Id have no house , no family, no education. Abortion was my only option.

So I went to the clinic with my Aunty on the 30th october, and then I told them, I chose abortion. Again the tears came, panic rushing through me. Because I was under 16 they said that an abortion might not be possible in my hometown, becasue its only selective people that can. Well I was one of the ones singled out, and I had to travel an hour each time I went after that.

Throughout this time I was Still (Yes Still !) having unproteted sex. I thought the damage was done, I had nothing to lose.

After numerous visits to check bloods and for scans the day arrived. So much debate was going through my head as to wether I could kill this life inside of me, that's what it was, a life, a heartbeat. It was over 10 weeks later 14th of december at 10-39am, when the process began. I Lay on the hospital bed, legs up on stands, beggining to notice changes in my body, my stomach, and in my head, the mental changes. A sheet was placed before my eyes so I couldnt even see my own child being born. I was under an anesthetic, everything a blur, mental and physical pain unbearable. My aunty waiting outside, I knew i had to be strong for her, put on a front.

I left the clinic that day at 6-30pm, my scan pictures in hand, the only memory I had left apart from the physical pain and suffering I would have to cope with for weeks, and the mental pain that would last a lifetime.

This thursday would've been my due date. That day is all i can think of, having to have my flesh and blood taken away by strangers. How i could be sat here delighted at my new born baby, that I would love undenyingly. I spend most of my days crying, but if it happened again, I wouldn't change my mind. Deep inside, I know under those circumstances, a termination was for best.

 

 

Since This was first posted I have spoken to the lad that impregnated me, and he has said he doesn't want anything to do with me. He doesnt try to support, not that there's alot he can do now, but he obviously thinks I made the wrong decision. Maybe I did. Maybe I should of told him. I guess we'll never know what the right thing is to do when it comes to Abortions. Also I have learnt to respect myself, am trying to get back on track with my life and look forward to when i do finally have kids :)

RainbowRazorBlades RainbowRazorBlades
22-25, F
1 Response Mar 10, 2009

we're in the same boat.. except we used a condom, and now, its been 4 months since my abortion and im dying inside, i cry myself to sleep every night because i cant stop thinking about what i did. maybe we can talk? I could really use some help.