Hard No Matter What You Do

Im 26 years old i have two children that are beautiful and most of all healthy. Last year feb16 2008 i had a abortion. i found out in the end of my 4th month my baby(girl) had spinal bifida. I was in shock. I had wanted more children but my husband didnt because i get so sick with my births. So the doctor said hun this is bad even for this kind of disability she has it 75% of her back and she has fluid on her brain its not allowing it to grow right. When you have her you will not be able to give birth the way you want you will have to get a c-section and then the baby with go to surgery. After that she has less then a 25% of chance of making it. Because its so bad she will never go to the bathroom by herself and she most likely will have brain damage that will make her unable to ever have a life that is normal. Okay so right now i cant even look at him i cant even breath my whole world has gone away. So every week i go to the doctors and every week it gets worse. I call my husband thats in iraq and he comes home. I have the abortion. I had it because i felt that she wouldnt have a life. The abortion took all day they were really rude and didnt care about anything. And when i woke up i started crying they called me a baby and told me to get up and go. I was so mad. i was naked in front of five people bleeding all over the place. Scared and sad. If i ever get to have another chance to have another baby and if something like this happens again i will never have a abortion again. It leaves you will a empty feeling that hunts me everyday. I will never get over this. I feel like im cursed.

kasandra4 kasandra4
26-30, F
Mar 12, 2009