There Must Be Something Wrong With Me - Apathetic

There must be something wrong with me. My first two pregnancies I kept. I love my babies dearly. Since those two miracles, Ive had a couple abortions. After my children were born, the childrens father and I broke up after 6 years together. I'm now with the man of my dreams, we just dont feel we want more kids, he has two from a previous marriage, we pretty much have our hands full. I would rather be able to support the children I have now with abundance of love and affection rather than fill my plate too full and every child suffer a little more for it. I feel no regret or pain over my abortions, I only feel relieved. My first pregnancy, I decided to have an abortion, but when my mother coersed me into going to to the doctor to make sure first, I heard Gavin's little heartbeat and I was suddenly in LOVE. That night I went home and cradled my belly in my arms and fell asleep singing a lullaby to him. When my daughter was concieved, I'm still not sure why abortion never even went through my head, with as comfortable as I am with it. She, too, is an amazing little girl, so full of life and just as beautiful as I could ever have imagined.  Like I was saying, abortion now means nothing to me, except the slight pain that comes with it (I've never had a surgical, all medical.). It's comfortable at home and The relief starts right after the fetus is expelled and the bloating goes away right away, its just an all around relieving experience. Anyone care to tell me what a heartless, cold stone I am? I would really like to hear some views, because I dont understand why so many women have such long term depression and guilt over something that probably made them a more mature human being. I dont condone having unprotected sex for the hell of it and being irresponsible about their sexual behavior, but sometimes birth control doesnt work out the way its supposed to. I plan on trying the IUD here sometime shortly, because hormonal birth controls have never worked out for me. Thank you for your time in reading this.

L4c3y L4c3y
22-25
8 Responses Mar 14, 2009

be glad you feel the way you do! you aren't guilt-ridden and haunted, and being able to just do it and move on is great. you recognize that you aren't a "selfish, heartless, etc. babykiller." you are a normal person who dealt with a situation and handled the aftermath just fine! when i first came on this site, all i found were stories filled with regret and sadness. i havn't had my abortion yet, but i am shortly. i was ok with my decision until i read some of the stories and was like, what is wrong with me that i don't feel THAT bad?? like you, i needed to find people who did it and moved on. i'm still having a hard time doing that, but if you think about it, the ones who are ok with their decisions probably aren't on the web trying to find sites so they can vent.

You are an amazing and strong woman. Ignore the people who try to tear you down. They have no right and are acting without tact or respect for another humans right to believe and choose what they feel themselves is right. Passion sometimes overrides these things but it still is inexcusable for them to treat you in a such a way. It is obvious you are very strong, logical, and mature. I am so glad that you are strong in your decision because many women need to see that strength no matter what the decision is! Your story is a great contribution!

I have been a pregnancy options counselor for nearly three years. It's completely normal to experience a wide range of emotions whenever you consider continuing or terminating a pregnancy! Many women, even those who feel sadness, feel relief following their abortions. It's always easier to cope when you're sure of your decision, and it sounds to me like you've reached a point in your life where you want to do the best you can to take care of your family - and that means not expanding it! You're brave to post about this. Warm thoughts to you!!!

Thank you all for your support. I'm glad there are people that DO feel the same as I do, I jusy KNEW there were women out there that DID feel the same way and felt it was hard to relate and create a pity-party with those women who feel so guily about what they have done (I'm not saying anything bad about those women, just saying that's all I could seem to find when looking up this experience....). Anyway, thank you *asiamtoday* and *ladyloves* for lending an ear. :)

I don't think you are a cold stone at all! Some people think it's selfish to abort but I think it's worse to have a baby you can't afford and then to ask tax payers to foot the bill!<br />
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So AMEN and thank you for your post. I don't regret it. My sadness comes from not having been ready to have a baby. I want kids someday, just not TOday. And I'm glad I had it. I'm still as poor as I was last year when I had my medical abortion. And it was just like you said, immediate relief. The fear of being pregnant and knowing I had no way of supporting it was overwhelming and I had a lot of inner peace to make with myself, but I did it. I'm okay and I will gladly tell someone in the same situation who is considering abortion that it LITERALLY saved my life.<br />
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You don't go to college and work your *** off so you can be poor the rest of your life, and sure enough, right after graduation I found out I was pregnant. Working part-time, paying for my own health insurance (welfare is not my cup of tea, thank you very much!) and paying my student loans, all the while losing every dollar in my savings account (which wasn't much to begin with, probably $1,000 because I had a graduation party) - there was no way I could pay for copays and medicines or tests during the pregnancy. There was just no way. <br />
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So although it was a hard decision (I always agreed with abortion, just never thought I'd be in the position to need one), it was the easiest decision I have ever made. <br />
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I am glad the option was there.

I know my ex could get pregnant just looking at erection! We had three kids while she was on the pill and/or the patch. I had to use a condom after the first two, and the third we had from just one night of unprotected sex. After that it was condom 100% of the time, I took stock in them! During the time we were married she never had an abortion, I'm sure if I didn't wear a condom it may have come to that but didn't. <br />
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After we separated she tried the shot and it worked for a while she says, but about one year later she got pregnant. She thought about aborting it but she was too far along. She had the baby (boy) whom the father didn’t/doesn't want anything to do with, sad!<br />
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I know birth control (other than a condom) doesn't work for all women, but you really need to either get him to wear a condom, get him clipped, or even you get your tubes tied. Honestly, more than one abortion is just too damn many! Take some responsibility! It’s a life you are aborting!

Like I said, I WAS on birth control. Ive been on the shot, the pill, the patch, and the nuvaRing. Excuse me for not wanting to carry a child in my womb for 9 months and then give it up. With 4 children in the house, that would be a huge pill for those children to swallow that mommy is giving away their little sister or brother. I'm still happy, like I said, after my 2 abortions and your UNEDUCATED comment. There ARE people out there willing to adopt out their child, I'm just not one of them. Those are the people that your forum post people should be talking to. If women have the right to choose an abortion, they should have the right to choose to adopt out or not. Also, as i said, I dont condone teenage girls having irresponsible sex and not giving any of those pregnancies a chance. I feel my story is different in that matter. I gave birth to what I could handle. A higher power obviously tried to put more on my plate, but I know I'm not capable. And it's not like I wasnt responsible. I took all precautions necessary besides abstinence. I didnt come here to be completely criticised, though, I came here to find someone who sort of felt the same but could explain why I felt this way. Way to be mature about the ordeal.

People like you are why I have the problems I have with abortion! How many abortions have you had now exactly? And in that time..what BIRTH CONTROL were you using? I just left a forum that was entitled "I Am Childless" where a woman was HEARTBROKEN because she cannot afford to just adopt..and was facing life without ANY baby to love or raise. Yet you KNOWING what lovely kids you can create selfishly had abortions and didn't stop to think about that baby growing inside you..or anyone else in the world who was suffering because of badly WANTING a baby!!!<br />
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UGH!!!!!!