How Do You Heal From An Abortion ?

I think I need support and help dealing with it. I had an abortion, wow, I guess almost 3 years ago. But it feels like last week. I haven't talked much about it or really dealt with it. I can tell because of how much I think about it, remember the due date, think about the sex of the baby, etc. I am my worst enemy. I have a 10 year old daughter and she knew I was pregnant. She was so excited and I told her the baby got sick and died. I haven't even talked to her much. She still brings up having a sibling and the baby dying and gets teary eyed. It breaks my heart. I was in a marriage with her father, married at 18 divorced 6 years later. The relationship was severly abusive. Then if it couldn't get worse got into another abusive relationship for 3 years as my daughter got older she saw alot. That is major guilt as well. He was even more abusive ok, maybe just in different ways. I left both fearing for my life. The second time moved 2000 miles across the country to be with my sister w/ my daughter. Both men dissapeared overnight. The second has already told numerous people I am dead and he killed me. I was pregnant with his child which he tried to kill me and cause a miscarriage and I ran for my life hiding in a motel until I left out of the state 3 days later. I have been here since. He would of hunted me down and made sure I didnt have the baby or killed me and my daughter. He was that crazy and mentally unstable. I was going to keep the baby in the beginning because I thought we could work  it out that lasted for about 2 weeks. When I left I told his mother I had a miscarriage so he would never know. He never knew I moved or about the pregnancy was still there. When I moved I had to wait a week or 2 to have the abortion. It was very hard to tell people and my daughter I can go swimming in the middle of the summer and I had a miscarriage. Only a few know. I still about it often as well as my life of hell for 10 years of never having peace I am so surprised I am alive and I just can't snap out of thinking about all the trauma. Does anyone any anything to suggest or I would love to hear anyone with similar stories. I would appreciate any words and responses. thanks

jkitten77 jkitten77
31-35, F
7 Responses Mar 20, 2009

I think you made the best decision in a difficult circumstance and be thankful you and your daughter are away from the abuse. Rather than focusing on your decision and feeling guilt, try to focus on today and your daughter. I know with my situation I appreciate my son so much more now and know I made the right decision. I am very fortunate to have the life I have,an amazing child and freedom from abuse. So be thankful you have gotten to where you are and find peace and love within yourself and your daughter. Plus you can focus more time on her now and working together to heal past pains, rather than dwell on what may have been. I send you good thoughts and peace.

Please read my story......To all young ladies...From an Older one....It is my story on how I healed....It could help...<br />
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and if you want...Please feel free to message me if you ever feel a need to chat....I am hear...I have taken it upon myself to become the EP Nana<br />
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But more importantly....I was one just like you...And I understand<br />
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Singer

Personally, I think you should leave god out of this. You did the best you could at the time. We all have decisions in our pasts that haunt us, mostly based on information we have NOW that would have changed what we did THEN, which, of course, doesn't work.<br />
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You are not a bad person. You didn't do anything wrong. You made a choice about your life and your daughter's life that was not easy but was the right one. You can't second guess yourself, about this or about anything. You have to remind yourself what you were brave enough to survive, and had you had that baby, this may not have been the case. You have to look at the daughter you have and remind yourself how much you love her and that everything you do is to make her life better.<br />
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Let go of the regret, accept that you did what was right for you and move on. <br />
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You did nothing wrong, and you are not a bad person. You do not need to ask forgiveness from anyone, EVER!

I believe you did what was right for you and your daughter. I am glad that you got out and are safe. Most women dont make it out. As for the abortion well... I think you did the right thing there too. That child would have reminded you about everything that their father did to you. And at some point that child will ask about their father and at some point they will find out what he did to you. Its not something you or the child should go through.

It's been over 20 years for me and I will never get over the torment of my abortion. The only thing that did help for me was a Rachel's Vineyard retreat for post-abortive healing. www.rachelsvineyard.org

Hope that you find someone next time who really cares about you. Try not to rush into a serious relationship too soon. <br />
Nobody should have to feel abortion's necessary because they fear for their life. There are organizations<br />
to help you. Good luck!

My heart goes out to you. We are our own worst judge's. While I've never had an abortion, I have done things in my life tha caused me as much emotional and mental anguish. You did the best thing you knew how in order to put a final end to a terrible nightmare of a relationship. If you had the baby you would have been tied to the monster for the rest of your life. That would have been the worst thing you could have done for your daughter and yourself. God forgives everyone (I am not religious but am spiritual in different ways). and as hard as it can be, we have to forgive ourselves as well. Just pray for peace in your heart.