I Don't Know How to Feel

i had an abortion 2 months ago, i ordered the tablets online and did it all myself. i told a few close friends and no one has mentioned it since. i wasn't upset at the time, i felt nothing...but now i don't know what im feeling. i keep thinking about that little life i took away, it was only a little group of cells but it was still mine. i wish i could talk to someone but i dont know what id say, its better i forget about it but i know that my friends know. i feel like theyre judging me even though they havnt said a word. i wonder if my baby went to heaven, if there is a heaven. i wish id told my mum. i wish someone had told me not to, but they all said i should do it. i got with my boyfriend just before i had my abortion, he didnt know. i broke up with him yesterday because i just couldnt tell him why im acting weird, and i feel so guilty that he didnt know i was pregnant. how do you tell your new bf that your already pregnant with some scummy drugys baby? i dont think you can put that nicely. i already have a son, and maybe that was his only chance for a little bro/sis. what if i cant get pregnant again? i wish i didnt have so many what ifs.

char21 char21
22-25
2 Responses Mar 24, 2009

i had an abortion on sat i was 13wks and feel so guilty an sad that i didnt give the baby a chance its somthing i never want to go through again. i am feeling just like you i have so many what ifs going around my head my biggest fear is what if i cant have another child as i have no children yet but do want them,it was my partner of 8years that didnt want this 1. i no how your feeling.

i am having an abortion by pill in a week, so i haven't exactly experienced the after-math. however, i know it's a decision that i will always think about. i am fortunate in the sense that i have been with my boyfriend for a year (the child is his), and he and i both made the decision that we should not have a child. we just can't afford to, and we know that we will want children when our lives are financially stable. i told two close friends (one who has had an abortion), and they are both very supportive. i know that in order for you to be alright, you need to have someone you can talk to. perhaps you should tell your mom. and if you feel that your friends are judging you, then you might want to discuss it further with them. true friends are there for you no matter what you go through, and they should support you even if their views are different. don't say it's better that you forget about it because everyone needs to be able to vent. feel free to message me if you'd like to chat because i could use all the support i can get, and i am willing to give the same support to others in the same boat. if you really would like to pursue a relationship with the boyfriend you broke up with, then maybe you should explain the whole situation to him and he'll understand...you never know. what i do know is that you can't repress the thoughts you are having...they will eat at you. i joined this group two days after i found out i was pregnant, and i can't tell you how great it is to find other women who understand. like i said, message me any time! i'm here for you, and so are others!