I Have Had 2 Abortions

I started having sex when I was 18.  I was taking birth control but missed pills.  I was dating someone more than twice my age at the time who had told me that he didn't believe in abortions in which the father's rights or desires are not considered.  I don't want to bring politics into the discussion primarily for the sake of the other women in need of advice, not debate, (although people are free to comment to my story or message me regarding it) but I thought this was insane so I didn't tell him when I got pregnant. 

My best friend went with me but had to leave directly afterward to go back home.  I was left to go home to only my father while my mother was away and act like nothing happened.  I encountered odd things in my experience:  when I commented on protestors outside, the woman working in the clinic curtly said, 'well, they don't bother anyone' (well excuse me but their presence alone bothers me...for right or wrong that's how I feel and I'm the the one riding an emotional roller coaster right now) AND when they did a sonogram to be sure that the fetus was big enough (absolutely horrible), the nurse actually turned the screen toward me and said, 'look, there's your baby.'  It upset me but it didn't occur to me until years later that this was a sign of some really disturbing medical practices.  After the procedure was done, the nurses inserted an IUD which they told me would last 10 years.  It might have been naive but I didn't know that you had to check on it.

This led to me becoming pregnant a second time within 15 months as my body had rejected the IUD ring without me knowing it.  I was dating my new boyfriend live-in boyfriend during grad school.  I told him I was pregnant and it was clear that neither of us wanted a child.  Nonetheless, it's ironic that when my best friend who was with me the first time I got pregnant suggested that she would have such trouble making a decision in my situation, I got annoyed and hurt that she would project that sort of guilt onto me;  yet when my boyfriend never suggested anything either way, it hurt me that he didn't say 'I'll support you in whatever choice you make."  There are very few 'right' reactions that make you feel good in this case.  My boyfriend took me to the clinic but he couldn't wait there because of a final exam that could not be rescheduled (or maybe I have a selective memory) so I had to wait by myself and drive myself home afterward.  I wanted to stay at the clinic in the comfortable chair with the heating pad on my stomach and the nurse checking on me and talking to the other women sitting next to me who just got the same thing done...because the alternative was going home and being alone.

If anyone has any questions or needs me to elaborate, give advice, or share anything else (although this is such a long post, I apologize), I would be more than happy to help in any way I can. 

av789 av789
26-30, F
4 Responses Feb 7, 2007

I'm so sorry you went through that ! Alough it was over 40 yrs ago , I still remember those idiots outside the clinic ! Write letters to all concerned. You never need to share them with anyone. It's more to get your feelings out. Also. Please consider therepy. You are wounded but you can heal. God bless you

Also, I'm sure you will go on to have babies when the time is right !

I remember seeing an armed security guard when I went to
have my second abortion. The doctor and staff were so
supportive and helpful. The nurse who did the ultrasound turned the screen away from me. I find it upsetting that to
have a legal medical procedure we have to worry about our
safety.

Hi av789,

I don't know if you ever check this site anymore but I'd like to know how you feel today. I had an abortion just a month ago and I am just not handeling it very well. I've only been with my boyfriend for half a year. Two weeks after he broke up with me (it left me devasted since i was still very much in love with him) I found out that I was pregnant. I called him and he asked me to come over right away. We talked about it and he was very nice and sensitive. He told me that he considers abortion to be the right thing to do here because we would not be able to provide everything a child needs at this point in our lives. I am only 22, a student at university and in no place to raise a child on my own. He made it very clear that even if i was gonna have this baby, in which case he would of course be there for the child and support financially, we would not get back together. The child would not have a real family which is an important part in childhood. He is almost 28 and i just somehow thought he knew better. He was right. I always wanted to get married and have children when I'm ready, not like this with a man that doesn't love me. I didn't want to force him to be connected to me his whole life, just as little as i wanted to bind myself to him through a child forever. Also i was afraid to tell my parents, it would ruin my life. I don't know how to pursue a decent career with a child, I can barely take care of myself. There are lots of reasons not to have a baby right now. I know that but now that it's done there has not been a day that I have not thought about it. I get very sad and i wish i hadn't done it. I don't know if it was the right decision and I am so afraid that i won't ever get children when i want them. What if i'll never find someone to get married and have children with? All my previous relationships have failed. I miss this aborted baby so much and i so wish i could take it back. I wonder if i can ever get over it. I've cried so much and nothing helps. How did you cope with it? Any advice would be appreciated.

Sounds like you are in the exact same position as me ;(

I understand this feeling is so hard to have the strength but it will came ur time then you u will feel happy for now just try to handle take care don't let the stress consume you

Therapy helps. And down when you have a career and are self sufficient if you don't have a man in your life, you can still have a baby.

I found your story interesting and honestly was so interested in your thinking and feelings I wish your post was longer and had greater detail.

Thank you for sharing your story in such an articulate and eloquent manner. It has added to my awareness of what the process, and tomy understanding of what it might be like to go through the process of having an abortion. I'm sorry to hear that you've had less than wonderful support throughout those parts of your life, but it seems that your own inner strength carried you through very well indeed :)