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Friday, June 19th

After a few days of tossing and turning about what to do with my unexpected pregnancy and discussing it with a couple friends and my boyfriend, I scheduled an abortion for last Friday and went through with it. I have to admit Thursday night I was a complete wreck - filled with so many mixed emotions - I was unsure of my decision, but ultimately knew that it was the better decision considering I went through with it. 

The following was my experience:

I arrived at the clinic at 8:20am. When I got to the clinic doors I had to push a buzzer and look into a camera to announce myself and my boyfriend.  We were let through a first door where we stood in a narrow room between two locked doors. The administrator asked me to remove my sweater and to provide her with my health card.  I looked at my boyfriend and rolled my eyes (I felt like I was in a prison).  I told the administrator that I was cold and would like to keep my sweatshirt on and she said "it's policy that I had to remove it".  I hesitated to take it off, this rule was complete BS, but I did.  After the whole process we were "granted" access to the COLD waiting room where we waited for the "counselor".  We waited a half an hour, during that half hour I was uncomfortable (cold), angry, depressed, worried and anxious.  My boyfriend tried to comfort me and make me feel safe and secure, but it just didn't work (I ended up upsetting him) - so I told him that I was going to my car to get another sweatshirt (without zippers - which seemed to be the problem) and have a cigarette.  He came with me and I asked him for reassurance about what we were doing and asked him how he was feeling. Although I could tell that he was being strong for me, he still reassured me that he thought we were doing the right thing. Going back through the process (the administrator saw my new sweater, but didn't say anything and let us through both sets of doors).  We sat for about another 30 minutes when a counselor called my name.  Only I was allowed to go with her so I followed her into a room where she explained everything that was going to happen, we went over the risks, my questions, future birth control methods and there is where I had to sign a consent form.  When I was finished with the counselor I joined my boyfriend back in the waiting room.  We were sitting in a waiting room with young girls and older women who all looked like they were 100% sure of their decision or that they already went through the procedure once before (like this clinic was their form of birth control).. I knew I wasn't ready for this decision as the whole time I was 50/50 - my boyfriend just kept reassuring me that we were making the best decision. He reassured me that everything was going to be okay, that we are going to have kids when we are ready and that he was going to be with me through it all (even coming into the procedure room with me as you are allowed to bring in one support person with you for the procedure).

After waiting for about 15 minutes in the waiting room for the counselling session I got called to the "prep" room to get dressed in a gown, have a finger ***** blood test, ultrasound, blood pressure and pulse taken. When all of this was done, I was guided to another waiting room where I had to wait to be escorted to the procedure room.  This was agony because I was alone with my thoughts and I really just needed my boyfriend's support.  

After about 10 minutes of waiting here I was then called and escorted to the Procedure room - I was happy that I would get to see my boyfriend and have him with me.  I was told that the nurse would insert an IV, the doctor would prep me for the procedure and administor a drug into the IV and them my boyfriend would be called into the room to support me for the procedure.  The drug made me light headed and dizzy (yet alert). It's ultimate purpose was for me to feel no pain during the procedure.  When I was prepped and ready the counselor left to get my boyfriend from the waiting room.  She came back alone and said that he wasn't there and that I had to go it alone.  My boyfriend, sick of waiting, left the building to have a smoke.  He missed out on being my support person and while he was finding out that everything went well, I was pissed. 

After the procedure I was escorted to the recovery room where I had to sit alone in anger, resentment and regret.  I couldn't help but cry when I saw the girls who went in before me laughing and talking with one another as if nothing had happened.  While they were all feeling relieved - I felt sick about what I had done and pissed that my support person had let me down.  

When it was time to go, I had my IV removed and then asked a series of questions about how I was feeling, birth control method I had chosen (IUD) and went through a list of how I can expect to feel and what symptoms I should expect to have following the procedure. The cramping and bleeding were supposed to reach a peak at 3-5 days after the procedure and then become lighter to even spotting.  (FYI, I feel the cramps but I haven't bled since right after the procedure). It is normal that I still am experiencing pregnancy symptoms (tender breasts, nausea, tiredness and emotional highs and lows), these symptoms should stop a week following the procedure. 

It has been two full days since I had the procedure - I went through with it because despite me being 50/50 - my boyfriend provided me with support while making the decision, sticking to our decision and following the procedure.  My only issue with abortion clinics is that they are insenstive and money based.  They don't give you an option to have private discussions with your support person... In the waiting room, counselling room, prep room and procedure room you are are constantly surrounded by someone and not given the privacy needed to discuss with your partner what is going to happen and what you are feeling.  In places like these, privacy is definately needed.

Despite not knowing if what I did was right or wrong, I am lucky to have my friends and a comitted boyfriend who all provides me with a constant support system.  Talking it out and finding reassurance makes all the difference in the world. 

If you are a woman who is about to have an abortion I would suggest that you are 100% sure in your decision and that you have a steady network of friends or family members that can support you after your procedure is complete. 

For those of you who have had an abortion and are having a hard time dealing with it, find someone who understands what you have gone through and talk it out.  Bottling it up and drowning in your emotions will just eat away at your soul. 

God Bless all of you women who have gone (or are about to go) through this heart wrenching procedure.

On Friday June 19th, 2009 - I had an Abortion.

lost12345 lost12345 22-25, F 13 Responses Jun 22, 2009

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Wow, thanks for writing this. It gives a good perspective. I hope you're ok and that you're doing well :)

I too had to go it alone. I felt fairly pressured by my boyfriend and mom and was also 50/50. I don't necessarily regret it (more complicated reason i wont get into) but 10 years later it still upsets me that it was so easy for them and they were so nonchalant about it. I remember thinking the couples walking by must think I'm promiscuous.

The clinic was very understanding and talked to me before hand to make sure I was ok and see how I felt about doing it alone. We r in Canada so the staff are not financially driven.

I think we were just so young my bf didnt think about the impact of the decision and me being alone. He was supportive afterwards and we are still together and married now but that was difficult time.

Hugs! This isn't something anyone should have to do alone.

Thanks for sharing!

Sorry you had to go through a similar experience. It sucks, but life does go on!

(I should also mention that I am in Canada as well, and still got the impression that the clinic I went to was money driven)

Thanks for sharing your story. I had an abortion of March 9. It was awful and I am heartbroken, but I can't say I regret it. I know it was best for me and the baby. To all who question how we could do it or accuse us of violence or murder.....would you have been there to help me watch a child because I would have had to work three jobs to provide for it? Would you have had me quit school? Would you have had to explain to my child why they have to live in a crappy apartment living room because we can't afford a two bedroom place? Would you have given me money to help me feed, clothe and care for this child? No you wouldn't have, and it is not your responsibility. Or your business, quite frankly, how I plan my family. I know that when I have a baby (the baby that I was meant to have) I will appreciate that little life all the more. Women have the responsibility to not only bring life into the world, but care for it with their all their being. This responsibility is the most important of your life. To have an abortion, even though it hurts like hell, may be the least selfish thing you ever do.

first it is not an "it". human beings aren't called its. i have to agree though, you live with what you did; not us. not our responsibility. i'm not saying it is right or wrong, but it is your decision and your choice to do what you did. btw, what do you mean how I plan my family? does that mean you did plan the pregnancy; or did you mean to say the lack of how i plan my family. don't get angry at others because of something you did on your own. you may have paid for it or will someday pay for it; but you also had an innocent life involved that suffered a far greater sacrifice than you. the most important thing is it was your choice to do it and you did it.

as long as you have your support people in place with plenty of encouragement and to agree with you life is great! no regrets because life is too short, right?

and "GOD BLESS" all of you who go through of this because surely God played a big part in the decision for those who had the right and chose to do this. not sure what all of this abortion fuss is even about...

i fell rotten i had 3 abortions in the space of 3 years for 3 men..1 for my ex husband, and 2 for long term relationships that said they would be there for me thru thick and thin, but that was a lie!!! i can tell u..i have never been the same again..I'm functional but living a lie..i'm disgusted at myself and i busy myself with work, friends and reading my bible which helps. But in the small quiet time usually at night i curl up in a fetal position and cry like i have just been stabbed multiple times in the heart, because i wanted my babies i really did, but i had no guidance , no help and no family to see me thru. As i write this i cry, because..yes it does hurt and i think truly if we could all change it ..we honestly would have..i'm hurt , i'm broken and i'm sad..I cant console myself but i function. I pray i see my lost babes some day and i can beg for forgiveness because i truly loved them but was confused. I pray that women find help thru counselling and faith they need to continue,this truly is a bitter pill to swallow because this journey is a road less traveled!

My heart hurts for the pain that I hear. I would love for you to visit my website at forgivenbiblestudy.com. I have worked with women from 18 to 73 years old. There is help and there is hope after an abortion. I myself had two. 43% of women have had an abortion. You are not alone. I hope you decide to contact me. Jesus loves to heal the brokenhearted.

Thank you for telling your story. I had two abortions when I was very young. 18 and 19. I am now 44 years old, and have two children. I can honestly say that my abortions affected my life in ways that my children never have. Almost 20 years after my abortion, I went to volunteer at a pregnancy center, and found out that one requirement was to take a bible study called Forgiven and Set Free for post abortive women. I VERY relunctantly agreed. I really did not think that I needed it very much although I was very nervous to talk about the abortions. It was the best thing that I have ever done. I now lead these bible studies and have seen the love and compassion of God heal both my heart and scores of others. I do online classes, and anyone can get more information at forgivenbiblestudy.com.
One thing I can say with such certainty. God loves us! Abortion is not too big or bad for Him. Father God wants to heals His girls hearts.

I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child - a direct killing of the innocent child - murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love, and we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts. Jesus gave even his life to love us. So the mother who is thinking of abortion, should be helped to love - that is, to give until it hurts her plans, or her free time, to respect the life of her child. The father of that child, whoever he is, must also give until it hurts. By abortion, the mother does not learn to love, but kills even her own child to solve her problems. And by abortion, the father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. That father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion just leads to more abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching the people to love, but to use any violence to get what they want. That is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion.

This is a quote from Mother Theresa.

Your point...?

It's beautiful and I am glad it's been shared.

Thank you for sharing your story.

GarIngawl, I understand what you are saying. Sure the body is tricky and yes some may have difficulties getting pregnant in the future. However, I believe that we are all here to support one another with the hard decision that we have had to make, and your words are to cause worry and frustration. I do hope that when I plan, my body reacts positively, however that is in the future and something that I (or the other girls who have opted to terminate a pregnancy) should have to be reminded of complications, worry and regret! So yes I understand what you have to say, but quite frankly am not interested in hearing it right now.<br />
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Ayree - I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. Do you have anyone you can talk to? If not, is there anyone who you are close with that you can confide in? I do not think that anyone should go through the recovery alone. If you do need someone to just talk to you can feel free to message me. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

It sounds great and very promosing but it's not so easy as you wrote. What about when you plan your pregnancy but you just can't to conceive because of some reasons....sometimes you don't know why. It is what I'm trying to pass on. Our bodies are very tricky. You can't predict everything and somethimes even againts all the odds you can find it difficult to have a baby:)

Thank you for your words and sharing your experiences.<br />
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GarIngawl, I am sure every woman who has an abortion feels regret at some point - if not right after than later down the road. The only thing I can say about "understanding" why most of us carried through with the decision to terminate our pregnancy is that we all in some way or another felt hopeless and going through with our pregnancies to full term seemed impossible. Some major reasons for opting for an abortion are age, education & career, financial stability, emotional stability, lack of support (single parenthood). <br />
There will come a time when I am ready for children and will plan out my pregnancy. With a planned pregnancy I will be able to take the appropriate measures for nurturing and caring for my unborn child. With an unplanned pregnancy a woman does not take the appropriate measures mostly because being pregnant is simply unknown. Alcohol consumption, smoking, lack of vital nutrition, vitamins & minerals, etc... all affect the fetal development. Pregnancies need to be planned to avoid deformities and complications with the development.

My two out of three weren't planned. I smoke and consumed alcohol before knowing. All three are wonderful, healthy and smart, 11, 8 and 8 months. The embryo does not start drawing nutrition from the mother till the 6th-7th week or so.

Ladies, I'm trying to understand your decisions about an abortion but for me personally it's extremely difficult. Mayby it's because I know that there are a lot of women who try to conceive and just can't .....and as the opposition I can see you - women who have just made an abortion. World is strange!....But don't you regret your decisions? What about if you will have some problems in future to get pregnant just due to your abortion? ....It's time in every woman life when she wants a baby, what then...?

Thank you for sharing your story. I had an abortion on Friday June 19th as well. I agree with someone being 100% sure of their decision as this is not something to take lightly. It was the right decision for me although I did do the medical abortion vs. surgical abortion. We all have our reasons to have an abortion and it is good that we live in a country where we are able to exercise our rights and protect our bodies. Good luck to you and your recovery!

When I found out I was pregnant I had no support system. My boyfriend had been seeing another girl for 2 weeks and was getting ready to move out of our shared apartment. He immediately told me to "get rid of it" which I was planning on anyways but the fact that he said it so heartlessly almost made me rethink my decision because I was so mad that I didn't want to do anything he wanted me to. But of course I made the best decision for me and went through with the procedure. I've had empty feeling ever since then and it's hard at times but in the end I knew I wasn't going to be able to take care of a child alone. <br />
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After I had it done all of a sudden my boyfriend wanted back in my life ... and I was feeling so alone that I let him back in which was a mistake because after what happened and how he acted I should've know there wasn't any hope. I learned from my mistakes. <br />
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Just thought I'd share my experience.