I'm Taking the Group Back Whos With Me??
This is for those who have been affected by inconsiderate, untactful comments on this board that were disguised as "helpful" or concerned let alone the obviously hurtful comments based on political/religious beliefs. This is directed at stopping these kinds of passive aggressive "attacks" on our stories, our experiences. If you disagree with what I am saying that is fine, BUT I care about those who post in this group. I believe it should be geared to TRUE support not fake support. I will give examples of these kinds of non-support statements so if you don't understand where I am getting this from, you can see what I mean. I am not here to offend anyone, but I do believe in this groups mission, to share and to support. It is NOT telling someone what they did was wrong, or what they should have done. It is NOT about telling someone how they should feel, and what they "will" feel. If you are not that person you are basing your opinions on either a pre-conceived notion from your own experience, OR you are basing it on faulty information or just a plain old opinion.
So I'm here to take the group back. I am standing up against these actions because they are wrong and are hateful in their own ways.
ONE: Original Poster: I say I feel fine. I am free of regrets. I know I made the right decision, and I know this is not something that negatively affected me in the least.
Passive aggressive commenter: S1: Well when you do feel regret, because I did much later.... or S2: well you will feel regret, and when you do, I hope you are strong enough to face the decision you made... or S3: "I am going to save you from yourself" comments. The ones where one feels the need to voice their opinions about how they felt their experience has affected them as fact. As a means to utilize a scare tactic to persuade others who may be thinking of making a choice to take a different route, or for those who have already decided to make them feel differently about their choice.
so S1 is assuming that just because they did, someone else will and by stating this they are not being very tactful or unbiased with their support aka NOT very helpful, rather it is offensive to many people when one tells them how they themselves will feel. If you are not someone else, you do not know how they feel unless they tell you and you do NOT know how they will feel later. It is not set into stone. If they are free from regret right now, support them because it is obvious how strong they truly are to make a decision and make the one that is right for oneself, its hard to do what is right for yourself when one is opposed, and to do it and know you are OK about it is a GREAT thing. Telling them that they will feel horrible like S2 is highly offensive and judgmental and comments like this should not tolerated in this forum. It is also very condescending, leading to my point that comments like this are trying to tear the original poster down, not lift them up in support. Beware of these kinds of commenters, they are not thinking of support all they care about are their own opinions and throwing them around in a group that is vulnerable to things like this. S3 like S1, is not unbiased and is very unhelpful. I feel like I had to add this one in there as well because some felt that this was ok to tell others that "this is a horrible thing that everyone regrets for the rest of their lives...." and that its "something that must be stopped at all costs".. These statements are not only false but they are not helpful in the least when offering support! Again, the best way to offer support is to remain unbiased, to remain ob
TWO: S1: This is murder, you killed your baby, you baby is wondering why you hate them so much blah blah blah "I think I'm clever or doing something good by doing this"...
It is obvious that these people are opinion pushers, we cannot do anything but ignore them here, because they come in and they leave. Many do not come back. I urge those who have these comments posted on their stories or forum comments, to delete these kinds of comments as soon as you realize they are there. We are all searching for support and running across this is highly offensive and we don't have to stand for it and take it lying down. Also this opinion pusher is not the smartest one of the bunch are they because they think that these kinds of comments are clever (like those happy little protesters many of us have seen) haha, if you are vulnerable to these kinds of comments and you take them to heart, because I do know we all feel differently about our choice in one way or another. it is something we will get through, and we can get through it together by not letting these comments affect us! We are stronger then them! If one is telling you how horrible you are then is it really worth paying any mind to what they say after you realize that is what they are doing? NO! Don't take it! You are a great and strong woman who is facing or has faced a very tragic event in your life, one that many will never understand unless they have been there too. Most of us have been there, we know how it feels, we are here for you and we express ourselves in ways that portray caring and support with nothing else mixed into it. Focus on this kind of help if you are in need, those terrible guilt pushing comments are nothing to pay attention to. Just hot air blown onto a computer screen.
THREE: I hope you are much less irresponsible now, and hope that you have learned from this. If you thought about your decision prior you wouldn't of had to face this kind of thing. Sleeping with someone without protection is the dumbest thing ever. blah blah blah you know how these guys go on and on about what is the "right" choice, and what is "best" for you...
These people, at least most of them, I think, are experiencing something like "word vomit".. They talk and talk and talk without actually thinking about what they are saying and how they sound. To me this is very condescending and very belittling. I give this one its own spot because well, it is its own kind of passive aggressive commenting. To those who have said things like this and are reading this may feel offended but THOSE COMMENTS ARE OFFENSIVE!!! I will not apologize for calling someone out because they are OK with belittling someone here for support or to share their own story. If they didn't care about what kind of decision they made why would they post it here for others to see and speak about! I mean c'mon now, think before you post please. This whole story is about respecting one another, not belittling everyone we disagree with just because we think we know better...
FOUR: Original Poster: I am free of regrets, I know I made the right decision we were not ready to be parents, we hadn't been together long etc etc etc.
Commenter: While it is good you feel OK now, I hope you were not pushed into this by anyone? Are you still OK with your decision, because most do get pushed into it and later regret it.
Now I gave this one its own spot because its a very passive aggressive comment that feigns support and interest because the poster "cares". Well I don't fall for that. This poster is hopefully not thinking about what they are writing to the other person or didn't read carefully. If someone says "hey I made my decision I am FINE!" They mean, "hey I made my decision and I am fine." There are not any hidden messages in that statement. If they felt pushed into it WHY WOULDNT they say "hey, I think my bf pushed me into this decision." People just don't lie about how great they are just to say how great they are doing when they feel like they need support! That just doesn't happen. If you have made this kind of post and are reading this I hope you see the point of my putting this out there. Its not helpful at all to be like well you could have been pushed because most women are. ONE, not everyone is pushed and its incorrect to say most are when you don't post the source of that information or know for a 100 percent fact of how much "most" truly equals. I hope everyone asks for sources when one states something like this as fact. Again I have made this statement above if the O.P. says they are fine. They. are. fine. If they are experiencing some kind of pain, they will share it and you can support them in the right way by showing true support, by being real. If you get these kinds of comments don't let them get to you. Fake support isn't always that obvious because people can be down right tricky and conniving. BUT I wanted to shed light to these kinds of actions and how to fend against them.
TWO cont./FIVE: THREATS, anything that is threatening or hateful in general. Ex: telling someone "I hope you choke" and you deserve to never conceive again blah blah blah... You guys know what I am getting at with this...
This could go with the "murder screaming" commenter, but I felt I had to add this one in on its own because its just plain ridiculous. I get the whole I disagree and I'm going to use my "protester" skills to share my beliefs on other women's stories here just like I would with a sign kind of method, they think its clever or persuasive or whatever. But the outright hateful ones that condemn and attack others, they are a breed of their own. Telling someone to choke, die whatever, that they are horrible human beings, ew... this is sickening and should not be tolerated. I was personally threatened today and later on I felt it necessary to report once I saw that this same person was leaving multiple comments that were extremely hateful. If you find this kind, its always good to report and delete. I also copy and paste the comment in the report details so EP can see what kind of actions are being reported.
SIX: Original Poster: I am grieving my loss, I feel as if I regret my decision now and it is making me depressed.
Commenter: S1: You are the only one making yourself feel this way or You are the only reason you feel depressed and regretful or You are telling yourself to feel that way. S2: You are pathetic if you can't see that these feelings are only your fault and anyone enabling you to forgive yourself for doing something you shouldn't be regreting to begin with is only enabling your feeling grief. S3: You didn't lose anything at all so stop whining about it... etc etc etc. All of these things stated above can be said in a multiple of ways.
Now this commenter apparently forgot that everyone feels differently about their own experience or just doesn't care to acknowledge that fact due to their own strong opinions. Regardless, this way of commenting isn't being sensitive to the original posters feelings and beliefs. The commenter may feel like this is support, but in truth it only causes offense when it is said in this way as well as being no help to anyone at all. They are letting their personal biases on abortion leak into their comment/"support" as well as posting their comment in cold and insensitive ways. They again, like some commenters above, fail to realize that unless one is that person (original poster), they know nothing about that person's beliefs nor do they understand how the experience effected the original poster. So if one feels that they are grieving a loss, who are we to tell them that they lost nothing and are only making themselves feel that way? It is wrong and extremely rude. Which leads me to my next point, none of us want to be sad or regretful, so assuming that one is making themself feel this way is quite a illogical reach. If no one wants to be sad, why would they do everything in their power to make themselves sad? It makes no sense at all. What one believes, ties into how they feel about their experiences in life, especially when it comes to things like abortion. None of us can tell someone they are wrong in their belief and be supportive and by this commenter telling the original poster that they lost nothing, they are telling them that their belief in that is wrong. Therefore making their comment invalid and lacking greatly in support.
I just wanted to share some of the things we face on this board on a day to day basis. If you have others to share go for it. If you want to defend your actions, I really don't mind that either as long as you keep it respectful and civilized. I have stated my own opinion in a way that shows that I disagree, but I am not calling anyone names or anything of that sort, so I expect nothing less than for that kind of respect to be shown. If you come to this story and you post something outlandish and crude, I will most likely pay it no mind and it will be deleted. Meaning, it will be pointless for you will not get anywhere with your comment if you decide to behave in such kinds of ways.
Thank you for reading and lets take a stand and take our group back from these passive aggressive attacks! I support true support and I stand against the fake. So if you agree, stand with me!!! :)
take care everyone!!!