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Not The Ordinary

A word for "you".

"You" meaning those who judge our members for their life choices; those who spread verbal abuse like a wild-fire toxin of "word-vomit"; those who use this group as a means to feel better about themselves by feeding their own ego (a selfish action that does not have the target person in mind at all); those who do not care about anything but harming those they disagree with; those who do not care what they say just because they feel they have the "Right" to say it.

 

We don't share our stories in this group so "you" can tell us how we should live our lives.

We don't share our experiences and questions in this group so that "you" can come here and disrespectfully spread your opinion around like you have some kind of weight to shove around.  Like you know anything about where we are coming from at all.. Only those who have actually ever considered abortion know what it feels like to have to choose. Hopefully, "you" will never have to choose.

We don't share our emotions here so that "you" can tell us what we did was wrong and how regretful we should be, or how regretful we are going to be. "You" can't possibly know what we should feel, if what we did or didn't do was wrong, or what we will feel in the future.

We don't share our emotions here so that you can feed your ego and make yourself feel better.

We share our stories for ourselves, for those who are like us and respect us for being who we are, for being brave enough to reach out when we are forever surrounded by controversy because of those like "you" who constantly feel it necessary to judge us and our actions without regard to what we believe or feel ourselves.

We don't post our stories for "you".

 

Freedom of speech doesn't give you the right to harass. Freedom of speech doesn't give you the right to judge us and our actions. Unless you are here to offer true support, go to one of the EP groups that you can "get by" as much as one can get by with such rude and obnoxiously disrespectful behavior can get by in other groups and leave our group alone so we can have our safe haven away from the crude world of protest signs, name-calling and dirty looks.


This is our group. "Our" meaning those of us who have open-minded questions in considering an abortion; those of us who have had or know someone we love who has had gone through with an abortion and need to know how to deal ourselves and/or how to help them; those of us who understand that it isn't our right to judge and that the intention of this group is for support, not for an everyday "sharing" time where abuse is OK.  Abuse is never OK. Harassment is never OK.  Disrespect will never be tolerated here as long as there are those like us to fight for our safe haven.

 

Let us have our group back, we don't share for you, we share for ourselves and those who belong here.

 

I say this with as much respect as I can muster for someone who outright disrespects the members of our group in heinously crude and obnoxious ways. I say this with as much respect as I can offer someone who only cares about themselves and their own cause against the right to choice that contains ALL CHOICES not just two!

I say this with overflowing respect that I have for the ladies and gentleman who are members of this group. Who belong here. They.. We deserve this place, and I, for one will not stand for anything less then respect when one is commenting here towards our members/potential members.

 

UPDATE: If you would like to debate I'll be more than happy to oblige. If you want to defend actions you have taken because you have taken offense to my words, please send me a pm or link me to a place where you have posted your own thoughts. I must say that I refuse to debate any further in this place for it should be sacred, it should be respected and if the true members don't respect this place as it should be how can we ever expect anyone else to? I have debated here and it was wrong, and I refuse to carry out any more discussions here. I am not hiding the fact that I have done this, just stating that I refuse to do it any longer. That is all for my update, recent questions can be answered in other places if they would like to debate civilly, I refuse to debate any other way so I hope those who want a discussion choose the way they voice their opinions wisely.

hae hae 22-25, F 64 Responses Oct 15, 2009

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Amen to that! I will say I am 100% pro -life, BUT i respect that every woman has a right to chose for herself and who am I to judge what someone else chose. That's what makes me mad about a lot of pro-lifers is that they think that just because they believe something means everyone does....

Thank you for this!(: i hope others that have judged and misunderstood will underatand this message completely. I couldnt have put it in better words. Youre awsome.(:

I read this entire story to my husband. This is inspiring and i want to cry now. I've had the hardest time dealing with the decision i made. It's true,Only those who have actually ever considered abortion know what it feels like to have to choose. Hopefully, "you" will never have to choose. Thank you.

Thanks!!!!

I came to this site for support on making a decision on an abortion.From the start I was being judged.I dont have any support from family or friends,and this was my last option.Reading your post made me feel so much better on making my decision.I've never believed in abortions,but now I know to never say never.I've had friends who've had abortions,and i've never judged them.Thank you so much for your post,because before then I felt like I was all alone.Thanks

I am just 20 years old. I have a little life experiences but I am the first to admit I am still a baby myself. I run to my mom when I have any kind of issue, no matter how small. I am also considering abortion. Oh, did I mention that up until now, being faced with this decision, I was a pro-life and very conservative person. I still don't believe abortion should be used as birth control but looking at my situation I can most definately understand why some woman take this route. I still am unsure as to what my final choice will be but its nice to know that if I do take the route of abortion I would have somewwhere to go without being attacked by others. Peoples who's beliefs I had possibly agreed with up until three days ago.



This group is a small comfort.



Thank you :)

Thank you <3

i really think that many pro life should call themselves pro baby, why because they dont care of the mother life...abortion is sad for the women who choose it, no matter the circunstances, i had an abortion for medical reason and also because did not had the support of tha father who harm me very much, i was harmed psychologically by him and my body was having symptoms of miscarriage, so i decided to have an abortion because my health was going to be affecrwd and my possible baby too..it was a hard decision... Also it is a possible maybe, a pregnancy never is 100 percent that a baby will be born, there is always a chance of 25 percent misccarriage, spontaneous abortion, so many women who choose abortion maybe eirher way they also could had an miscarriage,.. Pro life people sometimes prefer that a womem take the risl and dies even with the baby, because the say they have to take the risk, that is so cruel,, that shows they dont care of the mother life..if you really are pro life they should also care of the mother psychological and physical health, because the mother is 100 percent that she can continue living, a possible baby under 3 months is 75 percent a possible baby because it can die of misccariage, on our heart we want the possible baby but our minds tell us is not the moment, my health, my circunstances, an unloving father, made me had that decision...so please pro life people if you really care about life care about the women life too, there is a sad story behind every women

Th

This will be my first and maybe my only comment I ever post on a group that I have nothing in common with. I wanted to apologize on behalf of the Christians and prolifers that come on and harrass people in this group. Though I do not agree with abortion I think its terrible to judge and lash out at people like I've seen many people on EP do when they comment on stories in this group.



Recently I have been outside of abortion clinics peacefully praying for the women going into the clinics and refering them to pregnancy resource centers. I do not judge them, many of them enter with heavy hearts and I can't even imagine what they are going through. I care about these women just as much as the babies. Not to say all women regret their abortions, but I feel compassion for anyone who is healing from regret. I wish others could do the same and offer love and support to people who are hurting rather then judge and ridicule. If anyone ever wants to talk you can send me a message.

simply amazing! thank you! these marauders need to remember that crucial to being human is to be loving and to allow others to live in peace..

thank you so much clumsy. You are certainly a strong individual and I appreciate your kind words and understanding. I am sure your mom does too. You are right in that she wasn't being punished, just sometimes things happen that we least expect. I am sorry for the loss, its a terrible thing to have to go through. Thanks again though! If you ever need anything at all don't hesitate a moment!

i totally agree with you

First I'm so sorry you have faced such pain Destiney... I couldn't imagine the strength you must have to face all of it everyday. I do hope you find the peace you are searching for if you have not found that already. I think support groups are amazing tools for moving forward and I thank you for your passion on helping others here.If you need anything at all there are tons of loving people here including myself so don't hesitate a moment. Please also know that nothing that has happened since was a consequence or punishment for your choice. Life gives us crazy obstacles that we must overcome and we are not punished in our life just because we make a choice that we felt was best for us at the time.



Abortion is not something that one is punished for choosing! It is a perfectly fine choice that does not necessarily need forgiveness for some (including myself) Now some religious groups feel that it is important to ask for forgiveness to move forward but if you feel regret for your choice I feel that the only person or entity you truly need forgiveness from is yourself. I'm not belittling any religion just stating that the world is full of beliefs and we shouldn't preach that one should always ask some higher power for forgiveness if they want to move forward.







I just want to stress that even though making such a choice is a life changing one, that not everyone finds regret later in life, not everyone finds themselves depressed after their choice. The why to this is that those who do not find regret found acceptance early on, they found peace with their decision before and/or shortly after they made it. Once you are secure in your decision never second guess it for at that time in your life you were certain it was right. What ifs will make you crazy and our lives are way too full of them as it is, so save your sanity and look ahead without wondering what if you had taken the other path. Those paths are not always pretty so to picture such a pretty impossibility is not going to do any good for your mentality.



I love our members and I just want us all to find the support we deserve here. Take care everyone!

i ALSO WANT TO SAY THIS WAS DONE OUT OF LOVE & NOT HATE. I want u all to know even if it's too late, don't kid yourself get help have a real supprt group w/ a leader make sure ur progressing & moving forward. I'm telling u this is soo much more serious down the road than u can even imagine. I have been there & never want to go back, but if I have to talk about it the rest of my life to help others I sincerely promise I will. I want to stop women of all ages from the many problems u don't ever think will plague u , but might! Drinking, drugs, bad relationships,guilt & loss of youself dignity, self worth, it might affect ur work or families yrs. to come. We need forgiveness & we need to forgive ourselves & maybe whoever else was involved. With Love x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x0x0x0x0x00x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x00x0x0x

Lets be honest here girls. I am a person who has made the choice. THE WRONG CHOICE & why do I know that? It's because I've suffered w/ it for 20 yrs. now. It NEVER gets better OR easier! My friends at the time were a piece of **** who never thought of me, but only what other people would say, mainly my mother & friends. I've spent yrs. blaming people, my Mom & EVERYONE . i HAVE HAD sooooooooooooooooooooo many issues & heart ache from this, I can't even put all my regret into words. Even later having now 3 of my own children, every pregnancy was so painful & I was a basketcase thinking how could I have done this! I cried on the table having the ultrasound that showed the heartbeat the doctor's couldn't find in the office. I felt so lucky & undeserving @ the same time. Each pregnancy my postpartum got worse after & I knew in my heart I was tourchuring myself & couldn't help it. I started to see a counselor & that really didn't help either. I had been to Priests, confession, joined another church, religion, talked to some friends, confessed finally to my mother, none of this helped. I am still learning to try to forgive myself. Finally my 3rd. child was born. She had a problem that was rare & I guess genetic. It has required 3 surgeries so far & more to come. Of course what do u think I did next? I continued to touture myself, blame myself & pray to God how could he do this & was I being punished???? I do know I am not. I love & TRUST IN GOD! I knew that before, that's what caused a lot of my pain cuz I did it anyway, knowing I WAS WRONG & not being sure & scared to death. I can still remember being the last one in a full room that was taken to the back that terrible day. I had all that extra time to back out & I let my stupid friends opinion & my own get the best of me, worrying more about what everyone would say.

Ya know yrs. later I'm still trying to get help & closer more now than ever. I recently found out the boy I loved since middle school, who was the father overdosed & died 2 yrs. ago. I talked to the counselor about that & I wondered If this haunted him also & maybe caused him on this road of destruction. I will never know now, but about 12 or so yrs. ago we did talk & he callled to "kinda of say sorry" hE WAS NEVER REALLY SURE IF "IT" WAS HIS & BLA, BLA, BLA.,wasn't really sure if I was lying, etc. I never did. He wanted to get back w/ me & I actually tried at one point thinking I can make this right! Well, I was very wrong cuz whenever I was with him & he tried to be close to me or even kiss me, all I could do was cry. To be honest I've had problems sexually ever since,too. It's always easier to have sex when drinking to dull the pain. Only now I have to consider a drinking problem too cuz my feelings, no matter whats wrong.... always goes back to underlying issues never resolved. I am going to go to compassion pregnancy center & try & help as many girls as I can & share my story. I have learned the only way to heal is to forgive yourself & help others!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't wait for this long OVERDUE freedom!!!~!!!! There is a class there for recovery which of course I have to go thru first! Please think girls. This is FOREVER! iT WILL never go away. And guess what You will NEVER FORGET!!!!!!!!!!! iT IS POSSIBLE TO PUT IT OFF LIKE ME, ONLY TO SUFFER FOR 20 + YRS. We need to come togther & be real. This is painful in sooooooooooooo many ways. For God sakes if anything have the baby (it is a baby!) & give it up. U can grow up & meet later or not whatever u choose, but u will never be condemed that way cuz u will have given the BEST GIFT...............................LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0X0

thank you so much dani!!! I agree with you a hundred percent and thank you for your support!



Honestly, we won't be able to get our group back without everyone behind us. I know it wasn't up to us to have others come in here and attack our members, it wasn't up to us to decide if they were allowed to do so or allowed to stay here and continue such actions. However, it is up to us to stand against it, to either continue to ask for peace with each and every individual like I have done with many or continue to bring this up to EP. I feel that its time to take our group back and if we have to petition to have a moderator who can kick someone out for inappropriate behavior then so be it.. We shouldn't have to deal with any sort of hurtful words whether they be outright hurtful or passive aggressively insulting..

Thanks for updating your story hae. I have to say that I am sure I am not the only one who is getting tired of all of the debates and hurtful words from prolifers being posted on here. I read all the new posts and half the time they are not even worth responding to. It is sad because many of us come here for support not a debate.



Another thing that I have to just get out is I am really tired of prolifers suggesting adoption all the time. We arent stupid. The same three options have been available for forever! Keep the baby, abortion, and adoption. Just as abortion isnt for everyone, adoption isnt either. It is not a new concept that they are teaching to us. We know the options. When people have come here, they have usually already had their abortion or are very close to it. Dont try to tell us what we should have done. You arent us, you arent in our positions, and chances are you havent given up a baby for adoption. It is much easier said than done.



When I first came here, which wasnt long ago, I found a lot of support through the great women and their stories on here. I see hae and eliza fighting a lot for this group and appreciate them all a lot for it. But we shouldnt have to fight. This isnt a debate. This is support. If you dont like it go somewhere else! Oh yah, like your own support group for prolifers!! We stay out of yours...stay out of ours. You are not doing anything but bringing down people who have made their decisions.



I am not posting this to have it be pulled apart and analyzed. I dont want a debate over this. I just want to speak for those of us who dont comment much because we are afraid of the responses. Dont you think that we should be able to comment in our own group? Its pretty sad how many people have been drivin away by this abuse from others when they came here for support. Ironic isnt it?

It makes them look pretty silly if you ask me. Fair enough they have a point to get across, but to start attacking..nahuh, that's not on.

thank you lala!!!! love ya girl!



Its just amazing that when they have forums of their own where it is appropriate to say such or ask such, they instead choose here? Logically it doesn't make their argument any stronger by putting it in the face of those who have stated time and time again we do not agree!

Honey, I found it!





Those who have use this story to take out your frustrations, stop attacking hae and write in the pro-life group.

lgmaryland I will not sit here and act like we haven't talked before.. You know your questions are entirely inappropriate and I refuse to answer them.



Now if you want to discuss the topic of abortion go to a place that is open for discussion. I have created a group that can discuss anything anyone wants so check that out write a story, but don't come in here and deliberately disrespect me and our true members on this story. I have no idea what made you decide to attack me now but I would appreciate it if you would just walked away from this attempt at intentionally creating drama and hurting others. All future disrespectful comments will be deleted and if you continue to passively insult people, including myself I have no problems in blocking you.

ligmaryland, your questions are something you should ask your doctor in private. They are trained to answer any of these issues that concern you.

raises hand do you believe that an abortion can be performed no matter what month the mother is in? and at what month is a baby able to feel the excruciating pain of the proceedure? and is it grown up or mature to get rid of a life just because it is somehow in convenient? those are my questions. please answer.

Glad to help. Thanks for the hugs mseliza. I wish the best for any women who is faced with such a difficult decision. I know it is not easy and they don't need anyone casting guilt their way. They should be able to have a safe zone where they are free from those immature tactics. Peace!

thank you!! so very much!! Eliza said it all porfavor! Darlene also, thank you very much.. it seems to me that people forget to think before they submit their "thoughts" on the matter...



Please everyone who thinks this story is pointed at them and if you do think that it probably is, think before you speak it is a support group, not a discussion group where posting your thoughts or stance on abortion is really appropriate when speaking to someone opening up about their emotions on their own personal experience.



thanks again to those who support our group and our members, you are very kind people who are truly appreciated

I have never been in a situation to consider abortion. But I believe in the freedom of choice. The law gives us that right. At least in the US. You have written a great post. I hope the radicals get the message.

Porfavor -- Thank you for your comments. You made many, many good points. I think I speak for most women in this group when I say your comment & defense of the members of this group is very much appreciated!! *hugs*

WTFWJD?

I agree with Hae!

I don't claim to be pro-life nor pro-choice, I consider myself pro-sanity. I agree that the anti-abortion preaching does not belong in this forum. That is like kicking someone who is down. It is a cheap-shot and seems unchristian at the core. I think that most people visit or join this group seeking solace, support, and understanding. I think we should give them that out of common human decency and respect. Perhaps you could look at this forum as a sacred place for them. You wouldn't want fellow parishiners all weighing in at the confessional while you shared your transgressions with the priest.



I do not know why some people choose to jam the bible down someone's throat or beat them over the head with it. I view the bible as a helpful tool or map of sorts. Sure, It can help us lead the way to happy life for all. For Pete's sake, I do not need anyone admonishing me for making a wrong turn (RandMcNally volume 6, chapter 13, verse A3, clearly shows the road goes east...). Maybe I got lost on purpose so I can use my GPS. The bible guides us on how to get-to-heaven. I don't believe that it was intended to be used as a tool for ensuring certain travelers arrive at destination hell on earth. WTFWJD? Do you believe that Jesus would have treated anyone like a convict due to his convictions?



Some people might not subscribe to the bible. Maybe the bible doesn't have all the answers for every person in every situation in a language they understand. Maybe we are smarter than our ancestors were able to articulate. Maybe it is outdated a few hundred years. I remember when our ancestors created airports with no TSA security too. My how that has changed to adapt to modern events. My point is, I do not think that it is right to make any of these EP members suffer because of a bunch of stories you read from a couple thousand years ago. My understanding is that Christ was a healer, and this EP group is a place of healing.



You probably wouldn't like some athiests to come "offering help" in the bible study groups or in your local church, or in your kid's schools. Hey they have convictions too and just want to "help" and provide support.



If you are a true Christian then you believe that Christ is in all of us. So don't you realize how condescending it is to preach the bible to to another person? Don't you realize that by admonishing those who have abortions is exactly the same as making Jesus suffer to death on the cross? How many times are you going to kill this poor guy, because of your convictions? Why don't you keep your convictions to yourself and let the Lord do His work. Do you realize that if your convictions are to only make right turns then you will just go in circles? For the bible to be used properly you need to hold it in one hand and a mirror in the other hand. It is a tool to help yourself, not a weapon to hurt others.



I was raised catholic and have strong faith in God. However, despite 20+ years of religion/catechism studies, I do not recall ever seeing anything in the bible declaring that bible is to be used as a beat-stick or like a bar of soap. I don't remember any of my parishes recommending that we go judge and admonish the world.



If you are not willing and able to provide financial support, moral support, spiritual support, and full attention to the unborn child for his/her lifetime then don't condemn others for their decisions.

CJ you are amazing.. I could not have expressed what you said any better.. Thank you for that.. so very much. You make EP and the world better by existing. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!

Hae, as always you are right on spot my dear!



I personally have never made the choice to have one. But I seriously considered it when I found out I was pregnant this last time. I'm not proud, but we going through a bankruptcy, lost our home, and were living off our family and friends good graces. How we could bring another child into that? Well, as you know hae, she is now 6 months old.



I am also a christian. But the God I believe in stands by you in the tough times, through the hard decsions and loves you no matter what decision you make. And I try to live my life that way too. I believe you should never ever judge someone else until you have walked in thier shoes....so to speak.



I wish people would let go and let God be God instead of trying to play him. Yeah know? He's not going to abandon anyone for something like this. Geesh!



I think it's naive and immature for others to assume they know what is best for any other person.



I am glad that EP has forums such as this for people to get support, help, and their questions answered. I think it's sad when others have to ruin that because they believe that their way of thinking is the right and only way.



*hugs* to all of you here who have to endure these immature, naive, bullies.