After Almost 2 Years... I Feel Like I A Bad Person And Nothing I Do Will Erase What Ive Done 2 Years Ago :'(

I had it almost 2 years ago and I still think about it every now and then. I am from a predominantly Catholic country with very very conservative beliefs. Most of us here are very traditional and God fearing. Abortion is still very much illegal in my country but I found my way into getting one 2 years ago. 

Now I think my conscience is killing me. I feel like nothing I do now will erase what Ive done in the past , and God is not going to accept me in heaven :'( I pray to God every single night hoping that he will forgive me but I don't know if he can still hear me, or if he'd still want to listen to me. I am scared to go to a priest to confess because as I said I am in a country where abortion is considered a sin. And I don't know how a priest from a country like mine can accept a confession from someone who did what I did 2 years ago. 

Only my boyfriend knows about it. We are still together and we get to talk about it sometimes. Thinking how different things could be had we decided to keep the baby. At that time I knew I made the right choice, because we could barely support our own needs. Now that we are starting to earn a little more, enough for us to live a comfortable life, we are starting to regret doing it. We are starting to think that maybe we were just too scared , that maybe we should have just waited a bit.. Now we're thinking that the baby came too early for us. Had we known that things will turn out okay for us , that after 2 years we'll be able to support our selves and earn enough to support a baby, maybe we could have decided to keep the baby ='(

It's been 2 years and the memory is like a very very bad dream. I feel like I did something so bad that no one will ever be able to forgive me if they find out. 

 

cyto cyto
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 8, 2010

Thanks so much for this . I appreciate it. I checked their site but they don't offer retreats in my country ='( How was it for you? Did anyone know?

hey , I cant answer and tell you if the pain will ever go away .I had one 2 months ago and it hasnt gone away .I think you have to forgive yourself before anyone else does .It sounds like you have regret there is lots of woman here who have the same feeling you do on here and your not alone .You mentioned your catholic there is a catholic and non demontional thing called rachels vineyard to help woman that have had abortions to help them forgive themselves and its world wide .I havent gone to it yet and dont know I will but if it could help you a little then check it out.I am here if you need to talk