Married With 4 Year Old Twins And Terminated.

I was shocked for no good reason to discover I was pregnant around when my twins were 4. We were careless, I thought another baby would be ok, and my husband seemed ok with 'winging it', because we didn't think we were that fertile. It took about a year for me to conceive our first and I had a miscarriage, another year with some fertility treatments failing, I finally got pregnant with twins.  We hadn't used protection in maybe a year when I got pregnant.

We had a hard time adjusting to life as parents, but were doing ok as time progressed.  I found out I was pregnant, after a missed period, and had a lot of concerns. I had taken an antibiotic early in pregnancy that was listed as not safe, possible heart defects, i was taking anti-depressants as well.  Husband wanted me to terminate, but I wasn't sure I agreed.  He backed off on asking me, but he was a different person. Always angry and mad, and stressed about the possibility of starting again.  I was conflicted, I was feeling very ill so I was having a hard time deciding what to do.  

Finally we spoke to a counselor who suggested that we make a real attempt to make this decision together. We went to a diner and each wrote down all the pros and cons we could think of.  The pros of continuing were sparse on both of our lists,  we felt like the time was wrong and the stress in the marriage was going to be overwhelming, possibly it would lead us to divorce.

We chose to abort.  3 times before the actual day we revisited the decision and kept coming back to our same conclusion.  I was between 11-12 weeks when I terminated.  I went to a private doctor who I had seen for years, and did it in a hospital.  I was relieved when I woke up and felt I had made the right decision.

It has been a few weeks now, and I think about it all the time, and sometimes feel regret and remorse.  I assume I would feel this way regardless of the decision I made.  I try to remind myself that I did this for not only me, but my family. Even though we were careless, it doesn't mean I should have to go through with it.  I wish I could say that we used BC and it failed, but that would not be true.  I understand now that a decision like a baby needs to be agreed upon by both partners ahead of time, but if a mistake is made, I am glad the law is protecting my decision to terminate.

JulietJane JulietJane
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 14, 2010

there were alot of decisions for my choice to get one as well and medication was also one of the reasons i was on birth control to avoid all pregnacy cause first and for most i am struggling to support myself and i don't have a means to support a child another large factor for me being on the pill was that i take medicines for extreem allergies to chemicals that are in everything from carpets to cigarette smoke and add meds which can seriously harm a fetus so when i became pregnant having it was never an option i had been trying my damndest since having sex for the first at age 17 time to avoid the situation i ended up in at age 22 but accidents happen and well it was better that i never had it I know now i made the right choice but while i always beleived in the right to choose I still struggled making the decision especially since i got pregnant with the man that i plan to marry. knowing that i wanted to have his children one day and we had discussed having kids later down the line it hurt but i knew what i had to do for our future and for my future especially Its always hard and my significant other was uneasy but i discussed why with him and and well he was supportive and it was all for the best but i still wonder what if once in awhile but i know it was the best decision given the situation<br />
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Im sure you will only become more aware of how your choice benefited you and your future as time goes on

My husband and I both deceided on abortion when I got pregnant 9yrs ago..Our children were older and we were looking forward to being able to leave them with parents to go on trips etc..I think our youngest at the time was 4 as well..Now looking back I am so glad we did that..It would have made our lives much more difficult and knowing what we have gone through there is no way we could have gotten through so much more stress on top of things..The doubts and guilt get easier as time passes I promise..

Thanks Mindreader!