Confused, Lost And In Need Of Support

i am a young 16 year old girl, studying a levels. i have a loving boyfriend who i have been with almost 17 months. i also have an amazing supportive family who would do anything for me. i am sensible and since becoming sexually active now take precautions.


i have recently been unwell and was diagnosed with glandular fever and acute pylonephritis (a severe kidney infection), i was admitted to hospital and prodded and poked for a few days until they decided IV antibiotics would be the best way to cure my illness. after a weeks worth of strong drugs pumped into my vein, doctors decided my bloods and urine were showing no signs of kidney problems. they soon sent me for an ultra sound scan to try and see if the problem was a tuma or something more serious.

during the scan, 3 days ago, i was told my kidneys were fine, and after a scan of my pelvic area i was told i was ten weeks pregnant and had been misdiagnosed. my mum was in the scan with me and held my hand telling me everything was fine and not to panic, the news shocked me and i had a panic attack as i really was not exspecting this. after attempting to calm me down the nurse asked if i would like to see my baby incase i regretted not looking after. i looked at the monitor and saw a tiny little baby with arms legs and a little heartbeat. at this point i was still in shock..

after the journey home and a long talk with my mum who told me she would be here for me whatever i decided, i spoke to my boyfriend who said the same.

knowing i was already 10 weeks gone, i knew i had to make a decision quickly and told myself im not ready.

i am so confused and although i am lucky that i have a supportive boyfriend and mum, seeing that baby on that screen has haunted me for the past 3 days none stop. the shock of it along with knowing i have seen it is killing me.

even knowing that i was having strong anti infection drugs pumped into me durig this time was pain. what could this have done to the poor baby inside me?!

i havent told anyone else because i feel ashamed. i am 16 and i feel so lost.

i have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to make a decision, and although i know i am not ready both mentally and physically to go through with this, the pain and torture of knowing i am going to have to kill it after seeing it just days ago is taunting me.

please someone, give me some advice?

thanks so much.

 
tomo123 tomo123
18-21, F
17 Responses Feb 25, 2010

This is YOUR choice! I am so glad you have the support you need from your family! Don't listen to those who judge this decision one way or another for they are not you. They don't have your beliefs or emotions nor know anything of your circumstance aside from what they can read. <br />
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This choice is YOURS to make. I know what its like as do many TRUE MEMBERS of this board have stated previously in support of your decision. Just know whatever choice you make is one you have made for whatever reasons you hold and that those reasons are good enough. They are the right ones and they are the ones that are best for you. Never doubt yourself or your ability to make such a decision because this is something that needs certainty and acceptance to make the right choice and move forward with your life. <br />
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Anyone else think FP sounds like an echo of someone else who seemed to get a bad rep over here after being pushy for far too long?<br />
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FP You said you are pro-choice but your actions AND your words betray that. Please don't sit here and lie to our group we all can see your true intentions. I will ask that you stop spamming the board with your repeat messages and pro-life websites. Spam is prohibited by EP terms of service and those websites are not for this group, which if you haven't already figured out is A SUPPORT GROUP ONLY.

look if you want to raise a child and you have the means it could be a blessing for you but if your not ready, unable or have serious doubts about it impacting you negatively go through with it I had one when i was in my senior year of college i had no job my boyfriend helped me pay for it I was about to graduate and go to graduate school and i am in graduate school now but i still have yet to find a job and as soon as i do i need to save money to move out it was not the time for me to have a child and i dun beleive in adoption cause i know to many people who were ****** up by the system or grew up with abusive parents but adoption from the heart u can pick the family if you really are just worried about guilt and you think u can carry a child to term thats a option but i personally felt awful cause it was a complete accident i was on birth control and still got pregnant but having the abortion was the best thing i could have done given the situation i was in i couldn't go threw with having it and everyones reasons a real and valid so at the end of the day pick what is really best for you in the long run.

RiverOuse, the reason that study was done in Nigeria was to be a scare tactic. It doesn't happen as often in countries that have good medical care, like the US, Canada, and the UK. <br />
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Not to mention that way back when, all mothers were young. They were married off in their teens because of the short lifespan. People in their 20s and 30s were considered old. I highly doubt that all, or even a majority, of our female ancestors developed fistula.<br />
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Some more proof that it's no longer a problem in developed countries: http://www.fistulafoundation.org/aboutfistula/faqs.html

tomo -- You need to make the choice that you feel is best for you & for your life. I do want to say that many women are not depressed and don't wonder everyday for the rest of their lives about what could have been, like fisherprice is insinuating. Please don't listen to her scare tactics. Many women, myself included, go on to lead happy, fulfilling lives after abortion. <br />
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Again, make the choice that is best for you. It sounds like no matter what you choose you have people in your life that will support you.

How come everyone that has had an abortion seems to want her to get one? To make themselves feel better about their decisions to kill their babies.I am not prolife. I am pro-choice and can think of many reasons why abortions, though sad, may have to happen. All of these reasons are medical and the mother’s choice.<br />
She also said she had a supportive family and loving boyfriend. She wouldn’t say that if she wasn’t thinking of keeping her baby. People have bashed me for my advice when I was the only one that offered her actual help. (Being able to get her in contact with a clinic that gives support, supplies, and $ to women. They also give post abortion counseling)<br />
If you are allowed to tell her have great it is to have an abortion….then I can tell her how great it is to have a baby. You can give her advice to kill her baby, and I can give her advice to let her baby live. Look at this double standard…. When someone tells her she can have an abortion its “support,” when someone tells them there are other “choices” it is “judgmental”. We have that “freedom of choice” to give advice and opinions don’t we? People seem awfully hypercritical. At the end of the day, which piece of advice do you think her baby hopes she takes?<br />
I hope you all can use this board to make yourselves feel better about killing your kids. If you’re all ok with it, then why are you on here? I found this accidently when I was looking for something else. I hope all of you are always healthy and never get any horrible diseases, like cancer. Who knows you could have aborted the dr that was going to find the cure.<br />
I’m sorry people have brought drama to your board for “advice.” I will no longer partake in an argument. All I can say is I will pray for you, your baby, your boyfriend and your family. I hope you make the right decision for you. Listen to your heart…and your baby’sheart

Disclaimer: I am not trying to judge. I am not trying to force you to see anything my way. I am not trying to scare you. I am just sharing what I know. You do not have to do anything you don't want to. It is completely your choice.<br />
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While the drugs you were given may have harmed the baby, they also may not have. Children are rather resilient, since they are still growing. I've heard stories where women with problems with their kidneys turned out to be fine because their baby's kidneys had helped clean out their system while they were pregnant. That may be why you were "misdiagnosed", and then found out that you were fine.<br />
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You saying that you are not ready to go through with this physically is a lie perpetuated by the pro-choice movement. The reason women get their periods at 10-16 years of age are because their bodies ARE, in fact, ready for pregnancy. Mother Mary was 14 when she had Jesus. That age was not uncommon then, either. It's only uncommon today because of education and because science says that we don't stop growing until well into our teens or early twenties, therefore being out of our parents' houses before that could mean that we may not be ready, and may be taken advantage of. There have been cases in which children as young as five (Lina Medina of Tricapo, Peru in 1939) have had babies and lived a full, happy life afterward.<br />
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There have been studies that say that young women, while not feeling ready for a child, cope better with unwanted pregnancies than they do with abortion. They show that young, underage women who have had abortions, even though they may not have felt ready for pregnancy, are at higher risk for psychological illness. This includes the study "Resolution of Unwanted Pregnancy During Adolescence Through Abortion Versus Childbirth: Individual and Family Predictors and Psychological Consequences," by Priscilla K. Coleman, in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, in 2006.<br />
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You may want to go to a crisis pregnancy center, where they will counsel you on your situation. They offer medical, counseling, clothing, shelter, food, educational help, job training, child care, etc. to women experiencing unplanned pregnancies.<br />
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You may not have any regrets after having an abortion. However, even a friend of mine who is vehemently pro-choice came out of a child development class one day crying, and when I asked her what was wrong she said, "I learned in class today that when I had an abortion, my baby was living. I killed my baby." She doesn't believe that a child is living if it doesn't have a full working brain yet. However, I tend to see something or someone as living if they have cells that split and breathe oxygen, which is the scientific definition of living. This friend of mine has had so many problems in her life, and knowing that her baby was living when she had her abortion has made it more difficult.<br />
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I hope that I am not too late to let you know all of this.<br />
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If you have gone through with the abortion, and you do end up experiencing depression or guilt because of it, there are people that can help, all while not judging, and will be there in support of you.<br />
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/<br />
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/<br />
http://www.hopeafterabortion.com/<br />
http://www.abortionrecovery.org/<br />
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/resources/<br />
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If you have any questions, or even if you just need to talk, feel free to contact me. :)

Hey tomo-<br />
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Just wanted to say I'm sorry I didn't get to read your story and offer you any advice. Whatever you've decided, just know you're going to be alright. We're (well, most of us) here to support you.<br />
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xoxo

Yes, she asked for advice, which you didn't give. you had to make a comment on my advice.

Also, I am an active sponsor of this pregnancy clinic. I financially support them and every year get to meet the babies I helped save and the thankful teenage mothers.

Also, I am an active sponsor of this pregnancy clinic. I financially support them and every year get to meet the babies I helped save and the thankful teenage mothers.

How can having 1 abortion make me an expert either? Thats why if you refer to the quote "I haven't been in your shoes" I'm not taking my friend's word as "gold". Thats kind of judgemental like I can't form my own opinions. Just google post abortion feelings, stats, reactions...it doesn't take an expert. This post is about a scared 16 year old, not you.

fisherprice, she asked for advice, not a biology lesson.

Your Baby at 10 weeks:<br />
By the end of Week 10, your baby graduates from embryo to fetus, which literally means "little one." It also translates to "I'm just going to keep getting bigger and bigger and so are you!" Other highlights this week:<br />
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Your baby has finally morphed from a little tadpole into, well, a baby. Not only is the face more human-like, but that unflattering "tail" (really just the developing spinal cord) has disappeared, fusing into the spinal column.<br />
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Your baby now has discernible fingers and toes, which will explain the steady stream of kicks and punches you'll feel down the line.<br />
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Junior's skeleton is starting to grow and harden. The ears are beginning to take shape and the eyelids are no longer transparent. Tooth buds are forming, although your baby won't get any teeth until six or seven (or eight or nine or 10) months after birth. <br />
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Baby's brain will make an incredible 25,000 new neurons every minute this week. While you may feel like you're losing as many as he's gaining, we can assure you it's not permanent. "Pregnancy brain," like nausea and bloating, is a temporary symptom that soon shall pass. (And then you'll get "Mommy brain," but we won't go there now.)<br />
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If you're baby is a boy, he's started producing that macho hormone testosterone. And whether your baby is a boy or a girl, the kidneys are creating copious amounts of urine. Lucky for you, you won't have to change a diaper for another 30 weeks.<br />
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Baby weighs only 4 grams and measures 1½ inches, about the size of a mondo Brazil nut. <br />
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My friend works at a crisis pregnancy center. She helps pregnant moms/teens with unexpected pregnancies. They give them all kinds of baby supplies and new maternity clothes. I could get you in contact with her and get you everything you need. She also councels women after they have an abortion. Many are depressed for the rest of their lives. Each day they picture how old their baby would have been and have to deal with killing that life. Eveyone's situation is different, I've never been in your shoes, but I have been pregnant. I have a beautiful baby girl who is my LIFE. Nothing matters but her. I'm 30 years old and whether you're 30 or a teenager, its hard, but so worth it.<br />
I will share with you the entry in my journal about the day I met my daughter( no one has read this)<br />
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“Hi. I love you.” This is the first thing I said to you. As they started to pull you away I leaned closer to keep kissing your face. I didn’t want them to take you away. I loved you from the second I saw you. All I wanted was to hold you. I only saw you for a few moments but it felt like hours. Time stopped when they held you in front of me. I remember thinking, “So you’re you. You’re the one that I’ve been waiting for these long 9 months. You’re the one that I’ve felt moving in there. It’s really you. I have been dreaming about you my whole life and you’re here in front of me. “As I looked at you, I felt like I already knew you. You were so new, but seemed so familiar, like I’ve known you forever. At that moment, I had felt more myself than ever before. It was as if I was told, “This is why you are here. You are her Mommy.” It was almost too much to take in. I felt goodness and happiness all around me, like warmth draped over my shoulders. It felt like what I would imagine heaven to feel like, perfect. I felt closer to God than ever before. I could almost see Him right next to me while I was meeting you. All I could think was; Thank you, Lord. As cliché as it sounds I knew life didn’t get any better than this.

dear Tomo, My heart goes out to you, you are to face a decision that I myself faced but I was much much older (30 at the time). I feel angry that you were asked to look at the monitor, I feel that was a cruel thing to ask of you. When I had my scan before the termination they turned the monitor away. I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant that I couldn't go through with having the child, but my circumstances were different to yours. Its impossible for anyone to say 'take your time' and think about this, as you don't have that time, but the decision is yours and yours alone. Don't let well meaning people tell you whats best, its whats best for YOU thats important. If you decide to terminate, there are lots of options you can follow after, counselling will help, but don't feel guilt. many people have asked me if i felt guilty, and honestly I didn't. Its 6 years later for me and I hardly think about it now. Be kind to yourself and true, whatever you decide you CAN get through it and be happy again. Hugs to you xx

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now my child.....I do understand<br />
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Please read my story here...To all young ladies...From an older one....<br />
Most that have read it have told me that it helps......And feel free to message me when ever you want...I have big shoulders...and they are water proof......<br />
For no matter what you do....You will need all of the shoulders that you can find to cry on...and I have taken up the post of unofficial EP Nana<br />
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Hugs...and prayers to you my child....In what ever you choose to do<br />
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Singer1960

"i looked at the monitor and saw a tiny little baby with arms legs and a little heartbeat."<br />
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I think you already know what you want to do. Congratulations :) This is the greatest gift you will ever receive in life.