I Felt Like I Had Just Died.

I know I made the decision, but I have regrets.  I was so happy when I found out I was pregnant that I thought I was going to burst.  Then I started to weigh the pros and cons of mommyhood now, and decided that I needed to start school and get a career going before being a parent.  After the abortion, I found out that it would be another year and a half before I was going to be accepted into the program.  My heart dropped like a brick in water.  I could have had both.  I have wanted to be a mother for so long, and I thought  31 was a good age to become one.  It has been some time since the procedure, and today was my due date.  I am having a really hard time and even though it was the right decision, I still have a feeling it was the wrong one.  My fiancee said if I didn't abort, I wouldn't go to school.  He wore me down into thinking that was how it would have been.  I am still hurt at his thinking and he doesn't seem to understand how I am feeling. 

 

Since that day last summer, I have felt numb inside and I can't seem to make it go away.

dragonflywings25 dragonflywings25
31-35, F
4 Responses Feb 26, 2010

I remember my aborted baby every year around 1) I found a pregnancy (Jan) 2) I had abortion(Feb) 3)My birthday(July) 4) Due date (Sep). I feel awful every 3 to 4 months. I have been trying to get away from this feeling, but I have accepted. I live with this baby a rest of my life. Feeling of love toward this baby make me calm, and give me a peace even I learn abortion is the most terrible mistake I have ever made.

You're not alone. My aunt was the victim of a forced abortion. She eventually drank herself to death over it. Since I found out about it, I've found that there are people who have been there, and they can help you and will be there for you. If my aunt had known about these groups and ministries, then she might have lived. These groups and ministries are not very well known, as they are part of the pro-life movement, are those who regret their abortions, and are not seen in a great light by the pro-choice movement.<br />
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http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/<br />
http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/<br />
http://www.hopeafterabortion.com/<br />
http://www.abortionrecovery.org/<br />
http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/resources/<br />
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For future reference, you can inform your fiance that there are people and resources that will help those women experiencing an unexpected pregnancy, including those in school. These resources are called crisis pregnancy clinics, or crisis pregnancy centers. They help with school, funding, medical, clothing, food, shelter, job training, baby-sitting, etc. for pregnant women, and continue to help even after the child is born. Saying that pregnancy disables a person is discrimination, and it's dis-empowering to women. It's one of the biggest "pro-choice" lies. You cannot be discriminated against for being pregnant. That is illegal. Your teachers would have had to be understanding and helped you out. So, in case this happens again, you can tell him that you are going to look up someone who will help and be supportive, even if he doesn't and isn't. I'm not condemning him, I'm just saying that he is misinformed, and should have helped you find a way to keep your child.<br />
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Pregnancy is natural for women. Any one who doesn't believe that you can keep going to school, have a career, etc. while you're pregnant and/or have a kid has bought into a lie. It's understandable, because that's what "pro-choicers" tell us, and the mainstream media portrays, but it's just not true. So don't feel bad about buying into that lie. It's probably the most prolific lie of theirs, except for the "abortion frees women" lie. It isn't freeing. So many women regret it, and have so many different illnesses and injuries because of it. Very, very few don't regret it.<br />
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If you need to talk about it, feel free to message me. :)

You're going to be alright. Not today, probably not tomorrow. But in time. You'll get there.

Come here...and let me give you a hug....<br />
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Please read my story...To all young ladies....from an older one....<br />
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If it does nothing else....It will show you that you are not the only one that feels that way....<br />
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Feel free to message me if you want...or feel a need to<br />
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Singer