Does It Ever Get Easy?

Im not exactly sure why  i am writing this but i thought it might help me a little bit my sharing my experience with somebody...i am 18 years old, i was 15 when i found out i was pregnant, i had been with my boyfriend for 9 months, i was in school and him being a year older was in college at the time, none of us ready for a baby. we were always careful but things happen and when i discovered i was a week late i decided to take a test. it was the worst thing in the world finding out i was pregnant at such a young age, i had no idea what to do, my mum clicked on that i was late and i was forced to tell her i was expecting. my family and my boyfriend werent very supportive and abortion was the only option, i had no choice and i had no say in what was happening to my own body at the time, i was dragged to the doctors and family planning clinic and then to the hospital. i had a scan and found out i was 5 weeks gone, i was booked for an abortion at 7 weeks, 1 day. 27.03.2007. Up to this point i felt disowned. i was no longer the daughter my mother expected me to be and i knew my relationship was over. i was a failure to everyone around me. 15 is not the ideal age to have a child as you are still a child yourself but the thing inside of me at the time was alive and i was about to murder it. if i could go back in time, knowing i would feel how i do now, i would do everything about the situation differently. i would keep my baby and he/she would be here now. i would of been completely pushed out by my family but there wouldnt be an empty space in my heart right now. i've never emotionally been the same since the abortion and there's not a day goes by when i dont regret it and i often wonder what life would be like right now if things would of happened differently. i cant get over what happened it feels like i am constantly grieving, will this pain ever go away? i had minimal support throughout the whole experience, especially from family, boyfriend and friends. i strongly urge anybody who is considering an abortion to get the right information, advice ect. get your questions answered because there is nothing worse than feeling regret. i am scared that when i give birth for the first time, i will be overcome with guilt not love and i will always feel that when i look at family photos there will always be somebody missing. it eats away at me everyday, nobody should ever have to feel this pain. i just want things to get easier but do they??

pinky18 pinky18
18-21, F
4 Responses Mar 9, 2010

the immense amount of guilt you are feeling right now stems from the fact that you didn't really want the abortion. the ones who don't feel the guilt are the ones who truly want it for themselves. and i feel like a broken record because i've posted that same line on like 10 other girls' pages. but it's so true! and there wasn't really anything you could do about it. it wouldn't have made sense for you to rebel against everyone around you and have the baby. you let your family guide you, and there's no wrong in that at 15. you have got to forgive yourself though because you couldn't help your circumstances. there are those things in life that we can't control, and we have to learn to cope with them. <br />
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also, not having someone to talk to forces you to bottle everything up, which then causes your thoughts to just haunt you. i think it would be good if you could find a close friend now who would be understanding, or speak with a professional counselor. but i can't stress how important it is to just have at least one person to vent to. this group is also good for that. it helped me out a lot last year when i had my abortion! i hope you, too, will find some people on here who give you some good advice and who can help you come to terms. however, you might find some ignorant comments about how you need to be forgiven and how terrible abortion is. ignore those people, they shouldn't be in this group.<br />
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feel free to message me if you'd like, and take care!

im sorry. i dont know what to say. but god will help you. he is here for everyone. he loves his children.

pinky 18,<br />
Let me tell you a little story and my wish is that it will give you some comfort. The only thing about trying to put something like this out in the public is there are so many people that dont give a **** about you or your guilt, they just want you to suffer. My wonderful bride at one year younger in age than you went through the same thing. She had a **** family and did the whole thing herself. At 18 she met me and after 2 years we married. We have 2 wondeful daughters that have done nothing but make us proud. She is the most wonderful mother a child could prey for. Next week at the age of 30 my oldest is getting married for the first time. Both made it to a college degree and I now have two grand daughters by my youngest. We have been married 33 years and I can tell you do not let it wreck your life as you still have so much love to give and as you need to give love to your family it will hurt less and less. I find fault with a system that does nothing but pass out guilt instead of love and forgiveness. God Bless ed

yes, Even regret will ease. Your family owe you an apology for forcing you to have an abortion and you owe them one for getting pregnant. Somewhere along the way, you let yourself down so you need to forgive yourself.