I've Had 3 .....

Hi all,

I 'm ashamed of myself and I am very angry . I 've never allowed myself to feel anything because i knew that the reality would be too painful. I think about my babies everyday, is it wrong to wish to hold children that are not yet born ,and yet they are gone forever. If God allows me to have children in the future , I feel like i will never care for them as much as i would the ones that are gone . Does that make any sense? I never ever wanted to go through with those abortions but if the father didnt want them i felt i had to do it . I regret it more than anything

April 29th , 2008 .  August 12th , 2008, . June 3rd, 2009 .

My world has fallen apart , but to the untrained eye , i look fine. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now , and each time he told me he wasnt ready , now i feel like a fool , it s like all along he never cared for me . Now that i am becoming cold and distant he s giving me all the attention in the world.

I dont need it now , i needed it then , and he doesnt really know what is bothering me . Usually i am a cool and collected person , but this .....I cant take .

We cant turn back the hands of time ......

I would like any advice on how to cope with my life , and he s still in my life but i need to kick him to the curb , but not without him feeling my pain.

He paid for it an all , but never was there for me emotionally , it was like ok well let's go on with our lives.

But I cant.

Thank you for reading me


kinghabit kinghabit
12 Responses Mar 15, 2010

Hi Hae , <br />
<br />
Thanks a gazillion times for your support , it is so appreciated !!!!!<br />
Take care

(((HUGS)) just take care of you ok King! We have your back here if you ever need anything at all!

Hey TodayIsTomorrow, <br />
<br />
Sure , tx , will let u know how it goes

any time : ) just remember, make sure he knows where you stand. you may resent him later if you keep this inside. let me know how it goes!

Hey Hae , <br />
<br />
Thank you a lot for your inspiring words . I didnt know how to put into words , but u ve really helped ! <br />
But then again its really hard not to blame myself .....i mean he didnt hold a gun on me , but I just know that it wasnt the right time but still....<br />
<br />
I have nightmares about it , some days are better than others , some are harder ...and a close friend of mine told me the same ...I need to accept it but i saw them , i mean after it was done , i saw them.....each time ....I am a horrible person , i mean it seems stupid to complain now when it's done but what if ....? I dont wanna sound lame it s just really hard im 29 years old and for the 1st time in my entire life i have feelings for a guy and .....u knw <br />
<br />
But I hope that with time it will get better .<br />
I appreciate the time you took to read my story

Hey TodayIsTomorrow , <br />
<br />
Thanks a lot , the reason im so confused as well , is that he s not my husband , he s just my boyfriend , but a potential husband....but how can I even think of moving on with my relationship, u knw wat im saying? <br />
<br />
At least he's bugging me asking me why I am giving him the cold shoulder , he really wants to know , I will take your advice and try and talk to him . And i ll take it from there ( will let u knw hw it goes though ) .....but thank you so much for your time ...

if this man sees that your hurt and chooses to turn the other cheek, then that's wrong. but if he needs a clue, you should try talking to him. you might also want to confide in a close friend or seek counseling or a support group outside of this site (or this site might even help you more than you think). i agree with hae about how abortions should not require forgiveness from some unseen force. you did what was culturally acceptable in your situation. I doing so, you shouldn't need to seek acceptance for having the abortion, when the purpose was to be accepted in the first place. Make sense? well i hope you take my advice and talk to your husband and find some support! the longer you bottle this up, the worse you will feel and the more likely you will explode! good luck! message me if you want!

Hi King! I just want to say that I am sorry that you were forced into such a situation. I would speak to him and say, "I have been greatly affected by what I have had to do because you felt we were not financially ready. I could not see raising a child with a question mark over my head on whether or not you would support us right now. I am not moving on with life like it never happened because for me it has one of the greatest impacts a loss like this can have." His reaction to this will tell you what you need to do on that standfront. I am so sorry you have felt so much pain from this, you truly deserve so much better than that. If you need anything at all there are tons of ladies here that know exactly how you feel and can offer the best support you can find.<br />
<br />
Those websites given by moonchild may not be the best websites if you are for the right to choice even if you did not want to exercise it truly for yourself. There are also a lot of negative connotations places onto abortion through those websites that turn abortion into something we should beat ourselves up over until we seek forgiveness and many don't agree with that, myself included.<br />
<br />
Just know that with acceptance comes peace, and know that you made a decision based on a circumstance you needed support on. You deserved more than to be pressured and made to feel abandoned and I hope you find that for yourself. Do not blame yourself over this for you have not done anything wrong. Not once.

Hey Moonchild02 <br />
<br />
thank you so much for your support....<br />
<br />
I dont know what to say or think anymore ....but thanks for being there and reading me ...makes me feel better

I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you! My aunt was also forced into an abortion by her husband. She drank herself to death over it. Please don't go down the road of destruction. I know that it's tough, but there is help out there. <br />
<br />
The Silent No More Awareness Campaign is there to help those who regret their abortions. Their website is full of information on how to get help in your situation, and they are an international association. You can find them at : http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/<br />
Their resources page is here: http://www.silentnomoreawareness.org/resources/index.html<br />
<br />
And you can find additional resources at these websites:<br />
http://www.afterabortion.org/healmor.html<br />
http://www.theunchoice.com/healing.htm<br />
http://www.abortionrecovery.org/<br />
http://www.abortion<x>changesyou.com/<br />
<br />
Remember, you are not alone. Not ever. If you need someone to talk to, you can message me. *hugs*

Hi , thank you so much for replying ....<br />
<br />
Well i told him i wanted them but he said we needed to be ready financially and all ....but 3 x....<br />
I did tell him how i felt but maybe didnt emphasize how much i truly felt , obviously told him i was hurt and all , but it s very hard to put into words what i feel , i dont knw if u get me .....<br />
See in his culture , and mine ....having a child outside marriage is not really a good thing .....<br />
But still if he really cared , i think he should have done something.....<br />
<br />
But the hardest of all , I had been away from my country for 6 years , went home in january , and i have a younger sister she's 4 years old , i had never seen her before , so when i got there it was really really hard for me , she s so cute ......and to top it all , I teach young kids...5 to 7 years olds...<br />
Cant quit ma job ....<br />
<br />
My doctor advises me not to take the pill, due to some of my health issue . <br />
<br />
Dont they say that sometimes the best thing to do is to let go of the ones you love .....I truly dont knw how am ever going to forgive maself and him....

i would like to say this guy's a *****, but before i proceed, did you try to tell him that you wanted those children? and afterwards, did you open up to him about what you were feeling? if he doesn't know what's bothering you, you should try talking to him about the whole thing.<br />
<br />
also, have you tried any contraceptive method?