And Forgot About It

seems like it's in another life of mine. It was the right choice. But i never experienced that much pain, i mean physical pain. i am mad at myself because i felt not having safe sex was a bad idea and i did'nt listen to myself. I often don't respect myself. I hurt myself because i don't know what i feel. it's like i'm an emotionnal idiot, but only with myself, because i'm pretty good in listening and helping others. what's wrong with me ?....
lmnop lmnop
36-40, F
20 Responses Oct 7, 2006

This is a group that needs respect. We make choices in life and not always the right ones. Are you also sending people to hell for being divorced? Some people need to be given compassion. If you, pullupgirl103, cannot respect this group then you need to be removed.

Wow. I feel like that too so much of the time. I dont think theres anything at all wrong with you, or me, or anyone else in this situation that feels like this. It'll pass, that's what I keep trying to tell myself. And we learn from our mistakes... Best of luck to you...

You may grow from listening to your inner thoughts and feelings and be strong enough to respond to them. Believe in yourself more rather than not having the confidence in yourself and passing that decision onto someone else.

We have to be responsible for our actions, all of them, and we need to understand how even decisions that seem small (unprotected sex) can have life altering consequences. Having an abortion ruined my life....20 years later. I would never have suspected that it would ruin my chances for a baby when I was ready but back then having the procedure done was a D&C, not taking pills. I just got married and now my husband and I can't have a baby. If I would've known that would be my only chance, I would've gladly kept the baby. But youth, irresponsibility and being afraid to tell anyone lead me to Planned Parenthood to take the easy way out. I am really paying the price now.

It can be really easy to forget rationale when emotion is involved. I think it's important to remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes, and while you may feel like you need to be punished sometimes, there is a point when self-punishment does nothing productive, and you have to move into self-forgiveness if you want to grow and learn from your mistakes. Hang in there. You are not alone.

nothings wrong. its the feeling that comes with it.<br />
talking seems to help. <br />
especially to those who know what its like.<br />
as for the pain, i know exactly what you mean.<br />
but just remember theres always sunshine after the rain.

I can promise you that there is nothing wrong with you. Things happen in our lives that we can't control. It was a fifty fifty chance and you just got given the more difficult hand. You have shown how strong you can be by making the choice that was right for you, not right for the world. We are all here to help and support you because we have been there, too.

I am right now pregnant out of an extra marital affair and I just found out yesterday. The dad of the baby wants nothing to do with this.. I have learned my lesson the hard way.. I know I have wronged my family.. And I am full of guilt towards my spouse and the unborn baby who has done nothing to deserve this.. I dont know what to do.. I am going to the planned parenthood place on friday for cytotec induced abortion since I dont have the courage to ruin my family.. I have a beautiful 8 year old girl and really want to keep this baby with all my heart.. but it is not practical and I would destroy several innocent lives to save the life of this baby growing inside me.. I feel terrible and almost suicidal..reading your post gave me hope.. thank you very much.. i am scared and nervous and guilty..

Shah, those feelings are normal. With so much controversy over the subject, I would be surprised if you didn't feel that way. Actions lead to consequences, good and bad. What ever life hands us, we need to be able to act accordingly based on what is better for us. To put it bluntly, you ****** up. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, though. I am just pointing it out because it happened. Don't dwell on what you cannot change. You have a family to protect. A family that has already had a chance to grow and make memories that will last forever. You are going to do what you need to do, and I admire you for that. Focus on the things you can change, not the things you cannot. As Gandhi once said, "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute for the strong." I believe you are a strong woman, Shah. You have my full support in your decision and I will be here when ever you need me.

Thanks a ton.. You dont know what those words mean to me.. I feel like waiting each day is killing me.. I dont know how I am going to deal with the guilt post process.. sometimes having time to think about an action you are about to take is a terrible thing to have.. I know its growing inside me.. has a heart that is beating.. how can I take life.. no one gave me the right to do that.. I have memories of how excited I was when I was pregnant with my daughter.. what those heart beats meant to me.. and now when i go in and they do a US and a pelvic exam.. i will see it and hear it and then kill it.. I feel terrible.. Really dont know what to do..

In my experience, I was fortunate enough to have support from the father of the baby in my choice. My heart breaks that you can't have the same. When I had it done, I made the choice to ask for an ultrasound picture to keep. I still have it today and keep it tucked away in a box. I never asked to see it on the monitor itself, or to hear the heartbeat. When the procedure took place, I had the father by my side, holding my hand. It meant a lot to me, and really helped. Perhaps, if you have someone you really trust with your secret can be there with you. Support matters greatly when in this position. As for the guilt, the emotion is natural and will happen but look at it this way...when you look into the eyes of your daughter, remember that you made the conscious choice to give up something in order to save something else. Your daughter would remember her family being torn apart. In my case, I had it done the day before Christmas Eve. The next night, I attended a Christmas Eve Midnight Mass (and I am not even Catholic) and prayed to God that He would forgive me for my choice and ask that He understands, which it is only He who can really see into my heart and see that I was sorry for my choice. After that, I felt better. I don't regret my choice. I would have put that baby through hell. Neither I, nor the father were financially stable at the time. Some nights, I do think about it and wonder if I really had made the right choice, but I always come to the same conclusion. I cannot dwell on the "what ifs" because it can never be changed. You need to think of it like this as well. You cannot change your past, but you can change your future.

Hi there,
Today was the day.. I went in and had an exam and took the misiprex? I have to take the cytotec tomorrow.. I ws told I am only 5 weeks and 2 days along and that it wont be too bad.. I sat in with the counselor and passed out while she spoke to me about it.. She was very caring and understanding.. finally I decided it was time to be strong and do this without any change of mind.. So i am now waiting for tomorrow to take the pills. I am so sorry for doing this.. I dont know what I can do to make it up in life.. But I know penance has to come and that is what will eventually bring peace back in my life.. I want to give back to the world and make a difference in some child's life that is otherwise not so fortunate..I need to pray and pray hard and ask for forgiveness.. thanks for being there.. and I know I am going to need you going forward as well.. thanks a ton...

I promise you that I along with the rest of us are here for you. I was just about to hit 12 weeks, so mine was a little more complex than pills. Still, it isn't easy and I know you can be strong about this. From my understanding, I think you should make sure you're comfortable once you take the pills. There will be some intense cramps. Make sure you have cramp pills (if you are allowed), a hot water bottle or heating pad, pads and things to make you comfortable. Let me know how it goes. You can do this. It is by no means easy, but you CAN do this.

My goodness, Shah- reading your post I felt like it was my own story. I too got pregnant out of my extra marital affair and was extremely guilty and ashamed, learnt my lesson the hard way too. Took all the pain- physical and financial to get medication abortion as well. Never imagined I would read someone else's story so similar like mine!

I'm not judging but did you consider other options? I had an abortion when I was young and I cannot have kids now. I just got married and my husband (and I) both want kids so badly. I have never told him about this part of my past &amp; I have forever regretted the choice I made. If it was right for you, that's great. But we can make decisions that impact us later in life...this is definitely one of those

Shah, I am more than happy to hear from you and offer support. This post was submitted a while ago. I joined this site are you doing?? I suffered an abortion. You are welcome to read about my experience by clicking on my username..

6 More Responses

Until we as a human race, educate our younger people early enough about what the consequences of careless sex are; abortions will happen.<br />
And doctor; it can't bother you too much if you feel you have to hide behind a pseudonym.

we good listeners are usually the ones who don"t want to bother or hassle our friends with our own problem exactly. the only way i gained insight and self respect was recently. my boyfriend, whom i live with, is very personally experienced with addictions in his family, and has had really frank discussions with me - sometimes you have to be "hit over the head" with your problems. i do recognize that it is a mater of personal opinion what addictions are defined as, but if you cannot stop any particular behavior (especially that which may violate your self respect) you may want to treat it like an addiction and seek counseling to move shame in that

there is nothing wrong with you . we all make mistakes we all hurt we are all faced with realities and can only hope we did the right thing . theres nothing wrong with you sweetie , you are human!!!Love and hugs to you!!

Nothing is wrong with you i always go from horrible depressed to totally ok. I cry myself to sleep yet felt relieved when the nurse told me i was no longer pregnant. This is the most emotionally draining thing ive been through and i can guarantee itll be the hardest thing you, i, or anybody will ever go through. But heres on thing ill tell you is that youll be okay... what happened happened and you cant erase it, you cant make it dissapear... i thought by magic i wouldnt end up pregnant and damn was i wrong... my little swimmer... and i couldnt keep it. Dont tear yourself down for what happened you did what was best for you and thats all that matters.

There is nothing wrong with you. There is no right or wrong in this, it's an incredibly hard choice and it's going to get better. Just share your feelings and take it a day at a time.

Sometimes those of us who make the best listeners are the ones who most desperately wish someone would reach out and listen to us. I have hope for humanity that there are good people out there. There are people who will see past your kindness and grace and see the pain inside. There are people who will pry with compassion until you open up and let them in. Remember that grief shared is grief diminished. Never stop sharing your feelings with yourself. And know that you always have a safe place to share online here.

I hate that you feel this way, it does not help that no one will talk about this or let us talk about our emotions. Stay strong, if you feel like you made the right choice you did. I am the same way about listening and helping others but we are so hard on our selves!

There isn't anything wrong with you. We all made our choice. It was tough and painful. I'm still messed up due to mine and I have so many new allergies and issues with my body now cause I threw my chemicals out of wack.

I agree about the physical pain, as most here do. But I feel like the emotional pain killed me way worse... It still does. I don't know if I can even face February anymore.

I feel the same. That awful awful soul sucking feeling. I wish I could disappear. If you ever find a way to feel better please tell me...

My date is March, this year was the worst one yet! Physically I have healed but emotionally I'm a wreck!

I'm the same way. I (at least used to) find ways to either physically or mentally hurt myself yet others could come to me with the same problems and I can talk them through it. I dont think there is anything wrong with you, i think its just that people like you and I are wired differently than the majority of others. You'll get to a place in your mind eventually where you cant find a reason to cause yourself the pain anymore-- or you'll find a healthy way to cause the same feelings. You are not alone. <br />
Message me if you ever need to talk.

So did I. I agree with the whole pain thing :(.<br />
<br />
Now... well... learn from your mistakes. That's the best we can do.

Nothing is wrong with you. We all make mistakes. Dont feel bad. Maybe you werent ready. Maybe you didnt want to have a baby then. Just dont think about it though I know its hard and You feel better in times. Take care of yourself.

You need to start listenting 2 yourself. Aids is real.