Mixed Emotions

Im new here....forgive me if ive posted in the wrong section......my story could fit in a number of places. I really just need to get things off my chest as this kind of thing is not the stuff you can share with just anyone.
Just over 5 years ago i got friendly with a man online who made me laugh and we seemed to have a lot in common. we met up and hit it off really well. He made a pass at me that 1st time, but I told him I wasnt interested in any sort of affair as we were both married. But...from then on i couldnt get him off my mind. he began to ring me regularly and we flirted, i guess i just found it flattering. Anyway...we met again and I fell for him big time. within weeks he was telling me he loved me......but we were rarely able to meet up because of our work commitments.
This continued for about 2 years, even after my hubby found out and i promised to sever contact. We did for a while, then he began to badger my best friend saying he needed me in his life and gulible me got back in touch. About 2 years ago, he cooled right off and even began to get nasty with me on the phone. He wouldnt come and see me but said he didnt want to finish things. He then stopped calling. After a few weeks i contacted him and he admitted what i had feared...he had met someone else....he had even left his wife!! I was gutted.....so much so i fell ill and ended up in councilling. Then....one day I bumped into him whilst out shopping. he said he was back with his wife (he was shopping with her) The next day he began to text and call again...and we carried on speaking most days again.
Trying to cut a long story short, couple of months ago, hubby found out i was back in touch with the man and not surprisingly was livid. This time, I did end things and had no more contact with the man.....but i still think of him constantly.
I was totally infatuated with this man...lord knows why in truth......and although the sexual attraction was there, we never had a physical relationship.
This week, I have found out he actually left his wife more than two years ago, and has been with new woman ever since! Im crushed! He didnt tell me any of this...telling me he was back home!
Im desperate to contact him now and talk to him, although I know I wont gain anything by doing so.
I dont think I shall ever get over him.....or get my head around why he lied like he did.xx
sillysoo sillysoo
46-50, F
11 Responses Apr 4, 2013

Move on and let go. Seems you are meeting the wrong person in the wrong place. I agreed with some comments that you cannot truly understand or trust a person meeting online. Concentrate on your marriage and the pain will ease day by day. Take care.

Update. I have found another 'friend of a friend' this weekend and found out he has been running a pub with this other woman for over two and a half years!! So he was seeing me when he started seeing her!! Thing is..its no shock.....i knew in my heart there were things he wasnt telling me...but telling me hed left his wife for another woman then telling me hed dumped her and gone back home......unbelievable!!!!

You know, In my humble opinion.... I think that for you to think of LOVE and this man in the same sentence... it's really not the right definition. You are infatuated, delirious... passionately so.
Maybe it's the adventure, maybe because he's a liar and a badda$$, he excites you. You need to find more excitement in your life to get over him, because this is not just a man that lied to his wife and you, he actually chose to live with another woman!! That should be the end of that. A counselor should help you with why you are lingering at this and not moving on? is it an affair you want? You have to use this opportunity to explore your mind in order to find out what it is that makes you tick. The heartache is a kind of a window of opportunity for us to make order in our heads...:) I am trying to share with you the strategies that I am using to conquer my own heartache... I hope it helps. I really think there are so many wonderful women on this site, and while I'm on day 2 of my breakup, I find that seeing your version of a heartache is easy for me to see, and hopefully I will find a way soothe my own bleeding heart.. {{ BIG HUG }}

Be honest with yourself. Your living in a big lie. At no time will you find peace until you start being honest with yourself, AND your husband.

Gosh I understand how you feel. I'm in love with someone and I can't get over him. He loves me too. But I have a boyfriend and I promised him that I wanted to really fix things and that this man would be out of my life. I do want a good relationship with my bf, but I am not totally happy and sometimes I can't stop thinking about the OM. I always give in to the urge to talk to him when he calls. I guess I have no real advice for you. Just wanted to say I feel your pain. It's hard being in love with someone you can't be with. It goes against all of your instints. Of course my situation is different from yours, as the man I am in love with is single and wants no one other than me. But I still feel like I can't be with him because I'd have to give up on the family I started with my bf. I'm just not ready to do that, even though I'm unhappy. Good luck to you though, and I'm sorry for what you are dealing with. Sometimes I wish the OM would make it easier on me and let me go so I would have to accept it and get over him. But he won't let go. Maybe it's a blessing that your OM is willing to move on. If you know nothing will come from it, you're only torturing yourself by keeping in touch with him. If you can, resist the urge to call him and let yourself go through the healing process. You will get over him, or at least it will be easier to live your life without him eventually. I know that is of no comfort right now though.

Emotional Affairs are so common these days on the internet. I've been a member of a married and flirting site for years. My husband is a member there also. It's fun as long as it's innocent flirting but I've seen people get their hearts broken into a million pieces because they honestly fall in love with who the person on the other end of the computer WANT them to think they are...I've been burned...most men/women have several online affairs going on at one time unknown to the other. It's sad but true.

I've recently started my own flirting site. We have some really great people there and all are not married, it's for older people. Most of the time by age 30, people want to explore life more and just want to live their life and have fun.

So, basically if you're bored at work and just want to do innocent flirting..have a look. www.flirtsnfriends.com

I think you need to think about what you are doing to your husband, and make changes if needed and not drag him along any longer if he is not what makes you feel happy and content etc.....It just sounds like your heart is elsewhere, and not in your relationship with your hubby. Are you in love with him (husband) ?

Theres a million guys like this trolling the internet and first they learn about the woman and which buttons to push, and then they have you.Please don't think your the only one that has succumbed to someone like this,but you have to make a total break from this guy.There are too many connections to you through friends and acquaintances.And most of all he knows how to say the right things to pull you back in.Please concentrate on strengthening your marriage,and that will ease the pain.

thanks for that. I dont really have any connections with him......other than finding out yesterday a friend knows his wife. thats how i learned hed been with this other woman for 2 years or more. so.....Unless i look for more.....it wont get back to me. x

So very true sweetie! There are also nice guys out there too. I have met a few nice ones. The good outweighs the bad but once you've been burned...it takes a lot of time to trust and get over it. Those were wise words!

I sound so contradicting as I am speaking to you online also, but the thing is, you need to remember that you met him online, you cannot be truly sure of who anyone is online, there's plenty of people out there that are just looking for some fun?
He lied to you, ultimately, can you trust someone that is going to lie to you?
Focus on your husband and forget about the man from the internet, I understand that it is hard to get over someone you have fallen for, but maybe you were just attracted to the rush of things as this is not the stereo typical way a relationship is formed.
I wish you the best :) x

That's true! But same goes with a bar...you don't know who that person is...you must get to know them SLOWLY.

he is an *******... thats why he lied to you.. all is there to seeif you have eyes to see.... come on do this douche bag really worth it that you are discussing it uptill now...!! mam i hoped there are people who will always be there when you need them but do you want this guy amongst them...!! shut it down.. imagine yourself in your hubby roll.. may be he is the one who could have broken beaten a hundred times when he realize tht the one he is planning to live his "forever happy life'', the one he had taken vows with is no more belongs to him... just imagine it will crush him realizing he is only loving his wife body when her heart belongs to someone who even does't know the worth of it... think this one time is he really worth it...

I think you are better off without this man and would be silly to make contact with him again......He is a player and doesn't deserve the time and energy you seem to put into him....You don't say what your relationship with your husband is like, but if its good and you want it to stay that way put this man out of your life for ever.....

thanx Hun1.
Things with hubby OK....I know that I need to put my efforts into our relationship to make it better...after all he has stuck with me after finding out about this.

I know i need to forget this man.....but its so hard. six months ago since i last spoke with him and i was beginning to cope....but after finding this out im gutted. x

I understand that its hard..... but it sounds like you can do it....six months is good... you've had a little set back but you'll get there again. x

thank you x

Im sure I can do it.....the thing is i dont want to. I still want him in my life. x

I know that Johnny. I have to get this other man out of my life.....and really he is and has been for 6 months. hes out of my life...but not out of my head.

No pullupgirl....i dont for one minute think he would treat me right. I dont think he is capable of treating any woman right for any length of time.

with who? If you re read my post you will see that i never had sex with the other man.....that is the total truth. It never happened.

don't get into a debate with pullupgirl...... she is only here to criticise and has nothing constructive to say

i didnt have sex with him....i think it would of been easier to make sense of if we had!

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