Will I Ever Get Over The Guilt?

I ahve been married for 25 almost 26 years, with the last 10 or 12 being sexless, and with out feeling. RecentlyI meet another woma and we bacame involved. it was fantastic, we had many rhings in common and enjoyed each other company spent times and did things togeather. Yet in the back of my mind and in my heart I knew it was wrong, After a number of months I tried to break it off and could not. We finnaly did break it off and there was vindictivetness anger and hard feelings. I feel guilty for cheating on my spouse and although I keep it to my self I have had mant sleepless nights. I feel better now that is over and she has found another, but at the same time each time I lok at my spouse I still feel the panks of guilt over my weakness. Will I ever get get over the guilt?
deleted deleted
26-30
8 Responses Jul 12, 2010

NO

I think you should tell your wife what happened and see if you guys can work it out. Like get counseling, sex classes, maybe something happened in her pass that has her sexually dysfunctional. Maybe you hurt her in some kind of way so she feels detached from you. If in the end she divorces you as Steve said then at least you have another shot at finding true love. Remember you can find true love at any age time place etc

Stop being a sissy and start being a man. Crying wolf story , feeling guilt, etc.. is bunch of bs. Go and have another affair.. you need a break from being in sexless marriage.. <br />
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This coming from a woman may make sense to you.. so stop it okay, please.

WHAT HE FAILS TO SAY IS HIS WIFE IS 75 YEARS OLD ,HE IS 55 AND SHE IS TOO OLD TO HAVE SEX AND DOES NOT WANT IT. AT ALL. A DEATH BED PROMISE IS WHAT KEEPS HIMFROM HAPPINESS,HOW UNREALISTIC AND DUMB. ITS NICE TO SEE SOME LEAVE THE WORLD HAPPY BUT TO CARRY OUT THE PROMISE ONCE THEY PASS IS FOOLISH ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE TREATED LIKE A DO BOY DO THIS, DO THAT.A MOMMY FIGURE.AND TO HURT ANOTHER HUMAN BY LIEING IS THE WORST POSSIBLE ACT.MAKE FLSE PROMISES AND MAKE THEM THINK THEY ARE LOVED AND WANTED .THE WOMAN HE CALLS WIFE LEAVES HIM ALONE ALL THE TIME. RUNS AND RUNS .

I'm right there with you, my friend. You have to take care of yourself. I wouldn't feel guilty about having an affair, and I am not, in our situation. In my case the passion is long gone, killed by the wife. Now she says she wants it, but I have nothing for her in that way. It's been found in other places. Right now the only person I'm hurting by staying married is myself in terms of lost opportunity.

This was a brief affair that you ended so you should give yourself some credit for ending it and not allowing it to get out of control. Also, sometimes an affair can actually be a positive and protective act for oneself, especially when you're in a dysfunctional relationship with your spouse so again, give yourself some credit. Having an affair does not make you a bad person. A little temporary guilt may be healthy and suggests that you do care about your wife. Too much is toxic, unwarranted and unproductive. <br />
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You shouldn't tell your spouse if you think it will hurt her. That would be an unnecessary cruelty. <br />
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I do think that you should work in an honest way with her to deal with the lack of sex in your marriage. 10 years is a long time and you both deserve better. There's a problem there that needs to be addressed. Good luck to you and stop beating yourself up.

you can justify the guilt because you don't get sex from your spouse and get it over with by making it up with her...we're just human beings who are weak to temptation especially if our spouses are the ones who are pushing us to commit something immoral..am not justifying your mistake..am just making you aware that we don't have to cry over spilled milk in a very long span of time..just move on..the good thing is you realized your misdeed and you're still alive to correct the crooked path..so cheer up!

I have been in a very similar position to you, I was ignored sexually during my marriage of 25yrs then the inevitable happened I met someone else. I was not intentionally looking for someone , it just happened, what can you expect if you are starved of affection? <br />
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I did tell my husband & we are trying to make it work.Human beings can not live happily with out human contact, so things have to change if you are to stay together, otherwise it is only fair to let each other find someone else .