Wow That Hurts

I met him 4 years ago, we were both married but missing something and we developed a special relationship. I cant tell you how much I looked foward to his calls and seeing him.. We are from very different groups, and I often wondered why I fell for him. I think it was his kind heart, certain things he did showed he had not a calculating bone in his body. I know exactly where he was standing when he said certain insights that made me love him. Well I could feel him getting closer,too he made several comments that he wished I was his wife,, said he loved me several times a day.He begain to say his wife was questioning him,, something that never happened before. Than I wake up one moring to many threatening voicemails from his wife. They came throughout the night. I was shocked. He called me crying she found a message from me, he was coming to meet me and be together. I freaked out and sent him back, Tell her I was a one night stand! Anything, dont tell my husband, I couldnt sleep eat work. it was awful. Thankfully my husband travels so I didnt have to face him I was a basket case. I still kind of believe he "outed" us and didnt think through the backlash. Well, she was off the charts mean,something I believe had little to do with love and lots to do with control. She hired a dectetive to follow me and kept up the threatening calls. He got a secret cell phone and we were still in touch. I told him I wouldnt meet with him, trying to let things calm down and think more clearly. We did meet briefly and infrequently but than I got very sick. In my heart I know it was the stress. While I was in the hospital he called many times a day and I was lonely and glad to hear from him. he told me the very volatile situation at his home and I was still trying for them to work it out. She threated him with kids, cleaning out the money, all the usual. Told myself and him that if I did love him I would have to let go and not hurt him. She called all my family and friends calling me vicious names until finally I had to seek a restraining order. All this happened with my husband away over 4 months, which didnt help my feelings that he is distant from my life. Finally I recovered but still on a medical leave from work and we began to spend more time together again. However, he was still very much undersurvelliance. It became obvious there was no room for me. They are in counseling, which I do give them both credit for trying. Honestly for them I dont see it working, she is just too rigid, I believe they will stay together, with her just kicking his but when the mood strikes. He is an avoider and she enjoys being a martyer. Than it was time for he and I to have "our talk" I told him how bad it made me feel, to meet so quickly and with such hidden locations. We were in love for years and now I cant be a side quickie. It wasnt good enough for me, and I meant it. He knew and felt it too, I said I couldnt stay if he was staying married. He said he couldnt leave because of his daughter. I dont believe thats the entire reason but really doesnt matter, the choice is the same. Told me she was still threatening to leave but I dont believe that either. Three reasons,,,, 1. if she was leaving she would be gone,,,, this has been out in the open for 4 months. 2. She has no balls. never tried to make an independent move in her life. 3, she is a controlling ***** who can now also be a martyer whats better than that? I leave after our talk very upset and crying hoping he comes back and hoping I get over it at the same time. I get a call to stop by and pick up paperwork before I head on my commute home which I was really looking foward to for a good cry. I put on my stone face for a moment to stop in and walk into a surprise party in my honor. One of the more surreal evenings of my life. We both agreed we cant see each other anymore but he said he still wants to call me. I have no way to call him because of her phone monitoring. The thought of never hearing from him is heartbreaking but I was going to ask him not to because I just cry when he does. Now if he respects my wishes I have no contact with him ever again. We are not in the same circles, I have no phone to call hin at. I am lost. I am returning to work this week and want my head back in the game but my heart is broken. I never knew this could hurt like this Should I ask him not to call and just bite the bullet or continue to speak when I know I am secretly hoping he will pick me. Oh and by the way should I just leave my husband anyway and would he notice,
kate44 kate44
6 Responses Jul 20, 2010

Affairs are a biatch that almost never work out for the better

I hate to sound this mean but your pretty pathetic in that your doing this to your family but all you can do is think about yourself.

My story is so similar. I sat in my therapists office tonight crying and almost pleading for help toforget and get over him. . I loved him for 12 years. He chased the entire time and I loved him so deeply the entire time. I finally gave in this past January. We had months of rekindled love and beauty. Then they found out. He bolted. Not at first. He tried but picked his current life over a life with me. Funny, just weeks before he called me and said he couldn't wait any longer to be with me. We were sole mates and needed to be together. I was finally happy. Now I feel he hates and resents me. I gave him my heart. I want it back but I don't think I will ever get it back. All I do is cry and weep. He told me he didn't care about my pain. He said I can suffer like he did for so many years. I'm so confused. I'm only guilty of loving him. I don't know where the good man that was kind and loved me all these years went. All I can say is that we will get through. I don't know how, but we will. Everyone says time heals all wounds. I can't see that happening. My never healed from 10 years ago and now is more broken than ever. I don't know what I did with my life. I'm sorry this is your post not mine and I shouldn't be expressing myself like this when you are the one asking for support. But maybe tonight you will know that someone understands, really understands and you are not alone.

I am hurting really bad from my EA. You should check out my story under emotional affairs. My affair partner told me that if I wasn't married, we would be married.

tell the truth to your spouse this is bad carma

You are in what people call, "between a rock and a hard place", I understand quite well however he needs to be the one to make the first move. You do not even consider leaving your spouse until he leaves his. Good luck.