What Have I Done And How Can I Stop When I Don't Really Want To.

I am single woman who is having an affair with my married man.  I'm not sure how it all started really.  Just normal lunches which turned into deeper conversations and shared feelings.  He started emailing me and we have emailed practically every day for the last 10 months even though we see each other at work 5 days a week.  To make matters worse he is my boss.  I feel horrible about what I have done and am continuing to do.  I had such anxiety when it first happen that I had to see a doctor and he had to give me medicine to help with the anxiety.  After that the meds just seemed to tamp down the bad feelings and keep me at a level where the excitement that I felt with him and when I was talking to him felt better than the anxiety.  It went from simple emails, to cyber sex to just oral sex and finally has progressed to full blown sex.  He is happily married all except for the sex in his marriage has caused him to become bored and he ended up looking for a distraction and I happened to fall into his path.  I know I need to stop. He has started to feel bad about what we are doing and I have felt bad all along but it seems like when we get together we have magnets in ourselves.  We can be good for the entire day and ruin it in the last 10 minutes before we are to leave.  I have decided to try and stop things with him and although he says he knows it is the right thing to do he is still trying to temp me for just one more time or one last experience.  He knows he needs to let me go and move and go on and that every time I do start to be moving on he panics about letting me go and reels me back in and then we have to start the separation process all over again.  All I can keep hoping is that one day I will be strong enough to cut the line as he is trying to reel me back in.
VampGirl35 VampGirl35
31-35, F
1 Response Jul 22, 2010

This is what men do. They need to feel in control. It most likely is an issue of inadequacy. Even though he knows that it is wrong, he wants to reassure himself that he still has enough mojo to keep you wanting him. This is at least what I do :/