Alone And ConfusedAs I sit here alone and wonder where it all went wrong. How we have come to be where we are? We started as friends and enjoying each others company. Help one another out when one was down. All of this started as a joke. One little text that changed everything. You could have just slept with me and walked away. I wouldn't have thought less of you. If anything I would have been grateful for it. I wasn't looking for you. I wasn't looking for anything. My life wasn't bad. My life just was. Not good not bad. I went from day to day not knowing what I was missing out on. You can't miss out on things you've never had or never felt. But no you want to think every angle through. You wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting in to. I once told you if your ever going to have an affair you should never talk. It always leads to problems. You said we weren't having an affair. Well you were wrong. We were it was just the beginning of one. I was right we should have just slept together. If we had we would not be where we are now. Not speaking. I'm hurt and I'm sure you are as well. We have not worked anything out. have not talked to at least remain friends. We are drifting apart. I never wanted this. I never wanted to feel the way I do. I never wanted either of us to hurt. All I want now is my friend back. To go back to the days when we talked about everything, were there for each other. All I want is to be on even ground again. All I want is to turn the hands of time back so we could avoid where we are now. I miss you. I miss the feel of your hands on mine. I miss your kiss that melts me each and every time. I miss the easy time we use to have. I knew this was always going to end like this. I knew we were going down a bad road. I knew we were going to be the ones that hurt. But neither one of us was strong enough to stop what was happening and now I sit alone and look back over every moment I had with you. Every conversation. The one that sticks in my head the most is when you said to me. I have loved before but I have never felt like this. I love those words. But I now wish you had never said them to me. Maybe another time. Another life we would end up together. But this is the life we have chosen and this is the life we must live. I will love you always. Your in my heart were no one else has ever been. Thanks for showing me I can love and thanks for showing me that i am more than a shell of a person. Its time for me to put you away. Time to tuck those feelings deep in my heart. Its time to close my heart off from you and go back to the person I was before. Where life is just life. Not good Not bad just life. It was easier that way.
lonelyheartofmine 36-40, F 13 Responses 9 Feb 19, 2011