I Had An Affair With Him, But He Denies It

I am so broken! I should have known it would have come to this! Please respond if you've experienced the same.
I'm going on 2 years being married and my husband and I have been in a tough spot in our marriage the last little while.
A month ago I nearly left him because I didn't feel like he was trying enough to fight for our marriage. I couldn't take not being happy anymore. But we decided to stick it out and go to counseling together. When I was 18 I met this guy named Michael. Mike and I had an instant connection. We both had a huge heart for music and worked amazingly together musically, like no one Ive ever met in my entire life. The relationship didn't last long because I had a good idea that he cheated on me, and there were things he lied about and I wasn't ready at that age to be with someone who had a 2 year old son and was still strongly connected with his ex. Time went by, we stayed in touch here and there, and were in and out of each others lives for short periods of time. When I was 21 I moved to the states to be with a man I got engaged to. We were "in love" or so I thought. We ended up getting married but within 7 months it ended because he was severely abusing me and in so many situations I was just moments away from getting killed. When I moved back home and left it all behind I reunited with my best friend (this man is now my husband, and I am now 25). Now jumping to the here and now.
My husband and I have been friends with Mike and his fiance throughout the time we've been married. We've hung out, and I've continued to meet with Mike to work on music. I know deep down when we connected musically and he would look at me with longing in his eyes that the feelings for him would come back up in me but I pushed them down and really believed they would just go away. He flirted for a long while on and off, had his own little nick name for me, and would reach over and touch me on my leg every time he flirted with me. 3 weeks ago I got a text message from him asking me to call him. I gave him a call and he began to tell me that he had deep feelings for me, that he still cared about me. He told me that he always thinks about what could have been, and what maybe could be. He said for 5 years he has held on to what we had and in his relationship always compared her to me and how she would never be as pretty as me, would never be able to sing with him and share music with him like me. She would never hold the place in his heart that I hold and will never encourage him to be a better man like I had. He said if he could go back and do it all over again that he would have fought for me. He asked me if I still had feelings for him, and I admitted it and told him I did. I told him I also wondered what life would have been like. He then came out and told me that his fiance sat down and talked with him and told him that she just knows he still cares for me and she knows I feel the same for him. After our phone call he told me he was going to share with her the truth about what we talked about. I regretted in that moment sharing how I felt with him. I told him I didn't want to tell my husband but I couldn't stop him from telling his fiance. I didn't want to lose my friendship with him. I decided that night to tell my husband I still had feelings for Mike. He cried, but then he got angry that such a good friendship would be ruined. He said he wanted to talk to Mike and tried to save the friendship the 4 of us had. We arranged for Mike to come over the following evening to talk. My husband ended up double booking and remembered last minute he made plans to meet a friend for coffee for an hour. So it ended up happening that at 6pm, Mike would be coming over to meet with us, but then at 6pm my husbands friend would be coming to pick him up to go out for coffee. That meant that Mike and I would be left alone together for an hour. (My husband trusted us). It ended up being closer to 2 hours. Mike and I sat on the couch and talked about our phone conversation. He poured out his heart for me. After the convo was over we stood in my kitchen against the counter. He commented and laughed about how figgity and nervous I was. He kept asking me what was going through my mind, kept telling me he knew my every thought. (He knew how to get things out of me) I told him I wanted a hug but it would be wrong. He said it wasn't wrong and grabbed me and held me tight. Later that night my husband got back home and the 3 of us sat down and talked. The next day the 4 of us got together and decided that we can all still be friends because these feelings weren't threatening feelings. Boy didn't he have me fooled! That night after the meeting we all hugged goodbye. As his fiance reached out to give my husband a hug, Mike reached over and hugged me tight, ran his fingers through my hair, and kissed me on the cheek while both of their backs were turned. I couldn't believe he had the gutts to do that right there. So risky. I was torn, I didn't know what to feel. After that day, came a series of text messages. He told me he was thinking about me and that every song that came on the radio reminded him of me. He wooed me with his words, making me feel love, pursued, fought for. I got locked in and I started to do the same. Songs would come on and I would think of him, my husband and I would get in one small fight and I would think about how I wish I was with Mike. Mikes fiance texted me after our big happy meeting and asked me to stand up with her at their wedding in 2 months. To be her bridesmaid. Aside from everything going on with her fiance, we really connected on a deep level and had so much in common. After a week of being caught up in an emotional affair with Mike I started to feel very convicted. I hated sneaking around. I hated deleting our messages afraid my husband would read one. I decided to tell my husband everything. I told him I really felt that as hard as it would be, I had to end my friendship with Mike. I told him we had been sending each other messages and that I want to be a woman of integrity and couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I didn't talk to mike right away but waited a few days. Mike started to wonder why he had hadn't heard from me after a while. He was asking if everything was okay and if I was mad at him. I gave him a call and told him I couldn't have this emotional affair with him anymore, that if it continued we could no longer be friends. He agreed completely, but in certain words he said, I could tell he wasn't taking any of the blame for it. I told him it was both our faults. So we decided to remain friends. (BADDDD CHOICE!!!). The following week we decided to get together to work on music, because he was helping me with a project I'm doing. I was going to go over on the Wednesday to record with him in his basement studio while my husband hung out upstairs. His fiance was gone out, and he began inserting flirting remarks, gave me his longing gaze and I started to really desire to be with him, the feelings were re-lit. He sat really close to me, leg to leg, foot to foot. Before we finished for the night and went upstairs, we gave each other a long passionate embrace. The next day (Thursday) rolled around, and I get another message from him. Asking me to come over just one more time for another night of recording. So I did, along with my husband. On our way over we had to stop at our apartment to grab a few things. On my way out of the building I realized I locked my keys inside. We were locked out of our apartment and had no keys to drive our vehicle. Mike was texting wondering where we were. We tried to get a locksmith to come out but everything was closed. So we ended up having Mike pick us up and we decided to go ahead with our original plans but this time instead to spend the night. This night was so much more very different. We sat in his basement, he blasted the music and he started to pull out of a drawer a bunch of songs he wrote about me over the years and recently. The lyrics talked about our relationship, his desire for me, but not being able to be with me. He then got me to pull up his email account and had me sign in for him. He showed me a folder with my name on it that was filled with emails we sent to each other over the years and especially from when we were dating. He even saved our pictures. This was him showing me how crazy he still was about me. That night we shared a passionate embrace, we didn't kiss but wanted to. He told me he wanted to kiss me and knew I felt the same. My husband and I stayed the night, and then the following day after one of them got off work around 5 they were going to drive us home. My husband and I spent the day at their house, it was so very weird. I spent time downstairs in Mikes studio, playing his guitar like he encouraged me to and I even poured out my heart into lyrics about what me and him were having together on paper. I put the paper in his desk drawer so I could grab it later and take it with me when I went home. That afternoon I messaged him telling him I wish we could have time to talk alone about everything. He wrote back and told me he had surprisingly just got off work early (1:00) and that he was almost home. When he got home he asked me to go out with him grocery shopping. I decided to go along because I need a few things for the baby. So my husband stayed at their place and played with our daughter. We parked at the grocery store and talked for a good half hour in the truck. He told me that he was getting nervous because he just knew that soon this would lead into something further because he wanted to kiss me and he knew how easily he could initiate sleeping with me. We talked about our relationships and how we both weren't happy. He told me about how he isn't attracted to his fiance, and how when they have sex and her belly jiggles it grosses him out and how he always wanted a thin girl like me. He held my hand for a moment and then we went in the store to shop. While we were in there we walked around a lot and talked and didn't pay much attention to what we were getting. We talked everything through and through. He told me that he isn't this great guy that I think he is. He told me about his anger problems and how he can be physically abusive if he gets mad enough. He talked to me about his addiction to **** and drinking and smoking and told me he knew I would never be happy with a guy like him because that's not the lifestyle I wanted to live. When we went to check out he realized he forgot his wallet. So I told him I would stay with the groceries while he went back home and got it. He came back, paid for everything, and then we went and grabbed a bottle of wine to have with dinner. We got back and unpacked the groceries. Mike ran down to the basement, and I went down shortly after because I wanted to go grab those lyrics I wrote about him before he saw it. I came down to see him in the drawer where the paper was. I asked him if he saw it, and he said he didn't see anything in there (impossible, it was on top of everything) and as he said it he moved the paper to the side of the drawer. We went back upstairs and Mike and I began making dinner while my husband played video games. While we were in the kitchen together he was grabbing my hand as he walked by and running his fingers through mine. We gave each other a hug and cooked together. His fiance came home and then we all sat down at the table while Mike lit up the BBQ and then went over to the kitchen counter to pour my husband and I some wine. After 3 small sips of the wine my head started feeling really foggy and fuzzy. The room started to spin a bit and my eyes felt like they were wide eyed. It didn't make sense, the wine was only 6% alcohol. I had to go lay down because I felt too weird. They all joked that I was getting buzzed off hardly anything. I really wonder if he put something else in there. During dinner we ate and he rubbed my foot under the kitchen table with his fiance sitting right beside him. After dinner he went downstairs and started playing music. I came down and went to the drawer to grab the lyrics and they were gone. He said he read it and put it away for safe keeping. (I didn't intend for it to be kept by him). He stood in front of me playing guitar while I sat and watched and sang along. He started to play a song, but then stopped and laughed and whispered to me that it was a bad idea because it was about me and his fiance would hear and kill him. But then he started playing another song, winked at me, looked at me seductively and quietly sang "wouldn't it be nice, if I could touch your body..." He then laughed to cover his tracks in case his fiance heard and yelled "you wouldn't sing that kind of song for your vocal competition!" He then came over and sat with me so we could sing a song together and I looked over and noticed he wasn't playing a 12 string. There was only 6 strings. Boy, why was I seeing double after 1 glass of 6% alcohol? My mind was with it, but my vision was blurry. We finished up and then went upstairs. We stood in the kitchen while my husband and Mikes fiance were in a deep conversation about life in the living room. I walked in but felt like I was interrupting. So i hung out with Mike in the kitchen for a bit. While we were in there he stood really close to me, we hugged and I was afraid someone would see in the reflection of the window but he told me it was impossible they could see. I wrote down on my phone "I Love You" and he leaned into me and whispered "I Love You Too". And then he let out a quiet frustrated growl. I asked him why. He invited me outside with him while he had a smoke and began to tell me "I just want to grab you and pull you into me!". He was obviously very passionate and wanting me. I just smiled. We went back in and went on with our night and hung out with our spouses. We all had fun, had a sock fight, but Mike and I still exchanged glances. When it was time for bed we went upstairs and while his fiance was in their bedroom and I was in the spare room while my husband was in the bathroom, he brought me in a phone charger and said one last good night. The following morning we all woke up and he had to leave because he had plans with his buddy. While his fiance was downstairs and my husband was downstairs with our daughter, Mike called me over to the door to his bedroom and told me that his fiance was on to us and had a sense of something. (I earlier heard them quietly talking in their bedroom with me in the hallway and their door shut). She heard us giggling in the kitchen the night before and thought it was really weird. He said he told her we always act that way with each other and we were just laughing like we normally do (I'm starting to think now that's not what he told her). After he told me this, she came upstairs, and we walked away from each other, but when she went back down he called me over again and we hugged the most passionate hug yet. He pulled me into him, grabbed the back of my head and held me tight, running his fingers through my hair. He breathed on my neck and I gave his a kiss. He moved his head to the side and kissed my cheek and then we were forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Close to kissing. But then I backed away and went downstairs. He then told me after, that rather than waiting for him to come home to drive us home that he would get his fiance to drive us that morning. She drove us home after he left. Later that day I texted him asking him if everything was ok. He said no and began to tell me he couldn't do this anymore and that he wasn't going to leave his fiance for me and that I had to get over it. (I never asked him to! What was he talking about!) That's when I realized that my biggest fear was about to come true. My fear that in the end he would blame this all on me and make it seem like he never liked me. I called him and he told me he was walking away from this, that it was all wrong, and that he couldn't give me what I wanted. (What a coward, we both wanted to be together, not just me). I told him he was right that it had to end, and I told him what we had was an affair and he agreed. I had to go and so he told me he didn't have plans on telling his fiance and that we would have one last conversation and then that would be it. I texted him later that day when I had more time and told him I was ready to have our last talk. He ignored me. He never replied. Two days later I get a text message from him telling me that he wants to know when he can drop me off my guitar. His original plan was to send his friend to drop it off to me. I told him he could bring it himself. He told me he told Jess everything. Little did I know, it was all a lie. I asked him if she knew about the affair, and he said we never had an affair. He finished working on the song we were working on and burned it on a CD for me, he put new guitar strings on my guitar that he had bought for me, and dropped it off on their way to a nice dinner together. He handed me the guitar and said "I'm sorry it had to come to this". He was so dark looking. All I could see was evil in his eyes. He looked like I've never seen him look before. I think this was the first time the blindfold was lifted from my eyes and I saw him for who he really was. When he left I opened my guitar case and sitting on my guitar was a hand written letter telling me he wont ruin his life with his family to be pursued by someone like me when he never had feelings for me and that he tried telling me to get over him and to just be friends and tried to get me to stop hitting on him. The letter was full of the biggest lies I have ever heard. He was really lying to himself like that? He was really trying to pretend that he never had feelings for me and that I was the only one behind all this? The worse part is he had his fiance believes it. I emailed her and apologized for my part and told her that Mike was lying, I told her all about our experiences together. I wanted to give her a heads up that she was going to get hurt just like all of us other girls have gotten hurt by Mike. She came out and wrote me a horrible email back telling me I was living a fantasy, that he never had feelings for me, that every experience I talked about with him was only something I could only dream of experiencing with him. She told me how he told her on many occasions that I was hitting on him and he didn't know how to get me to stop. She said that when he sang that song downstairs to me "I want to touch your body" that she heard it and that he was joking around and teasing me about how I wouldn't sing something like that for the competition (Makes sense now why he yelled that out, and how it made no sense, because his lips were dripping with lust for me while he sang it). She said that the lyrics I mentioned that he wrote about me that he shared with me in the basement weren't about me but were about another girl from when he was in high school. He kept text messages from us that held evidence of me pursuing him but he deleted all the ones that have any proof of the thousands of times he poured out his heart to me. And he knew I wouldn't keep them either because I didn't want my husband finding them. I really wish I had, I really wish now I had proof. He emailed me last night telling me "STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME AND MY FAMILY! I can't believed he is blaming this all on me. Don't EVER get caught in an affair. It will always end in hurt. I need to know there is someone out there that has been through this, where the person you cheated on with denies every single thing and in the end made it out to look like it was all you. Please respond if you experienced something similar :o(
HeDeniesIt HeDeniesIt
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 22, 2012

i've been in an extremely similar situation. it pains infinitely and then some more. but i'm holding on to the hope that pain helps us grow and learn. i hope you can hold on to that same hope.

Yes I had something similar happen to me. I had an affair with my sister in law (and still am). She is married to my wife's brother. We got caught twice. Well I guess I got angry and told on us twice. That was a stupid idea. I will never do that again. Both times she tried to blame me for everything. She said a lot less happened than what did and tried to make it sound like it was all my fault. We never went as far as have sex although i think we got close a few times but I think the guilt kept us from going that far. I think it is a matter of time before we do since we seem to keep getting closer to going that far. The first time I got mad because she wouldn't tell me how she felt about me. We kept kissing, making out, holding hands then tried to tell me she only liked me as a friend. Latter I found out my wife told her that she suspected things were going on between us and I think that's why she said that. Well I got mad at her when she said that she only liked me as a friend since it was obvious that was not true. So I got this stupid idea to tell my wife what was going on between us. I told her everything. Even though we kissed and made out for a long time she tried to tell my wife that she did not kiss me and it was all my fault. My wife did not buy her bs and told her it is a two way street. Then she finally admitted that she kissed me also. Then she tried to say it was just a little peck but she finally admitted we were French kissing. My wife finally forgave us and we agreed not to tell her husband. I always that that it was bs that my wife knew what happened but her husband did not know. We said it was a mistake and would not happen again. That did not last long. She tried to insist that she would not kiss me again since she promised my wife that she wouldn't. Since I knew how she felt, I did not take no for an answer and she was back to kissing me within a short time. The second time we got caught was because my wife started suspected something was going on again. Her husband and her live with us and they do not have a car. When they need to use the car my sister in law takes me to work. That is usually the only time we have together. We started going out for breakfast in the morning. One morning my wife was awake and asked het why it took so long to take me to work. Well this time she told on us. She told my wife that we went for breakfast but told her it was all my idea and that she did not want to go. She told my wife that she did not even eat anything. Later my wife found out it was the third time we went out to eat and she ate the first two times. That weekend my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I thought it was a bunch of bs that she told my wife and then my wife wanted a divorce while her and her husband sat there looking so happy because he was clueless as to what was going on. I did not care if my wife wanted a divorce if me and her could be together but that did not look like it was going to happen. So I got this stupid idea to tell her husband what was going on. Of course she ended up denying everything. She tried to say I was forcing her to do everything. She finally admitted to her husband that she kissed me but tried to say it was just a little peck. She told him that it was just a reaction kiss and he was stupid enough to believe that. My wife tried to tell him that she admitted to her that it was a lot more than just a little peck but he would not believe it. She had him believing so much that it I was myself on her that he wanted her to go to police and press charges. When I overheard this I got mad and told her to go ahead. I told her she would get charged for filing a false police report. All of sudden she wanted to drop it because she knew it wasn't true. I was glad we didn't have sex because she would probably try to say I rapped her. I think she wants to try to act sweet and innocent so she tries to act like it is all my fault, I used to think she was unselfish but now I know she is very selfish. I now know she would throw me under the bus just to make herself look good. I was mad at her for awhile for this. Both times I did not blame her for what happened between us bit she blamed me twice. After all this you would think I would learn but we are still having an affair. It's been about nine months now and counting. I'm not sure if it's love or I'm just stupid. I hope it's love.

It sounds like you got suckered in by a real douchebag, I would chalk this up as lesson learned and see about trying to make your marriage better instead of seeking a affair.