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Trying to Get Over the Affair

This is a story of a lonely married woman who was not looking for trouble but found it conviently at a class reunion of all places.  He too was married, but not happily.  My husband already knows that I cheated on him. Maybe I am naive, but since I have had this experience I am shocked to find out that almost every other person has either cheated or been cheated on. My confession is that even though I have told my husband about the affair (which is now over, by the way)..... I can't stop thinking about this other man. We had the most amazing sexual chemistry I have ever experienced. He was an amazing lover and we made love for hours and hours. Well....maybe we made lust...... I guess it was not really love. He made that pretty clear.... The other thing that I can't get out of my mind is that this was not a convenient.... live down the road affair. We live hundreds of miles away from each other and he actually flew close to where I live to spend a weekend with me. Is that crazy, or is this what everyone does? Just trying to get this man out of my head and figure out a way to get the passion back into my marriage.  I am hoping by getting some of these thoughts out of my head here on EP it will help  me to move forward and maybe some day forget about him....... forever.

unabletoforget unabletoforget 41-45, F 30 Responses May 15, 2008

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I feel the same. My affair has just ended because he chose his wife over me I suppose, he has moved away, thousands of kilometers away, even though he told me he loved me!!! I am so sad and don't know how I'm ever going to move on from here. I need to pick up the pieces. I don't ever want to forget about his touch, his smell and our passionate love making.

I have read all the comments below and hope someone can provide their perspective to me. I am sorry if this is long:<br />
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I am not married but have been in a 11 year relationship with my HS sweetheart who i have known since 5th grade. He is a tall, handsome, sexy musician... he was born to play music... classical and spanish guitar. His biggest downfalls are that he is possessive and i don't feel confident he would be a good provider (he leaves broken doorknobs unfixed for months and months until i decide to do something about it, he has no problem with me paying all utilities and our phone bill just because i make more money, on the RARE occasion that he takes me on a date... i feel guilty if he goes to pay otherwise everything is 50/50) <br />
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Not too long ago i started to have feelings for someone i work with, he is my BF's polar opposite, business guy, obsessed with sports, calm, level headed, not possessive, etc. Our sex was intense and frequent. and it wasn't just sex, we would want to just cuddle, spend time with one another etc... He has made it very clear that he wants a life with me and feels i am making a mistake trying to work it out with my BF (who has learned about the "affair", he found some emails and therefore i got caught) <br />
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I have since had to leave my office and move to a different state to give my BF confidence that i am no longer with this other guy. But i don't know if I am making a mistake. I LOVE my BF and we have been through more than most couples… just minus kids. I CANNOT stop thinking about tis other guy though. He is single and sweet and has respected my request for no contact but would likely be VERY open to starting something again if i reached out. I am just terrified of taking that plunge, and then finding that some hot NY supermodel has swooped my BF up and they live an amazing life together and i live in regret with a non adventurous, heavy set gentle giant who treats me like a queen but there is no passion… <br />
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i don't know if i have explained my dilemma clearly…. i feel i have already written a novel here. My BF goes in and out of anger and it has been an EXTREMELY difficult two months (since he found out) - has has however been open to communication and working on our problems and becoming better people for one another… i guess i am just concerned that he wont feel healed until he does the same to me and i am also worried that i will be unable to get the either guy out of my mind.

If you lived with him everyday, and cleaned his clothes, and made him dinner and a lunch to take to work. If you had to tolerate his snoring at night, take care of him when he was sick, talk to his mother. . . If you had to all the everyday stuff that you do with your husband, would he still be that interesting? <br />
I'm just curious.

How would you know if you would like this part of him if he never gave you the chance?

My feeling about this is that, in my experience a relationship goes through highs and lows, becomes stale and then it's not, that's normal. Maybe most human beings are not meant to be monogamous, but I am. I was cheated on, so maybe I am somewhat jaded, but I couldn't do that to anyone. And I'm not some "goody two shoes". I have watched my girlfriends husbands cheat on them, and saw the pain it caused, and then experienced it first hand. Unless you've been cheated on, I'm not sure you can understand how painful it is. If you want to be with someone else, why not spare your BF the pain of finding out on his own? If you want to know what it's like to be with the other man and all his idiosyncrasies, and feel like you're missing out on a great adventure. Don't string along your current partner any longer. You're cheating him out of time to find someone that is commit to him. You wonder if he'll get over it? Should there be a time limit? Again, I don't think you know his pain first hand, otherwise I think you'd spare him this time that you need to decide what you want. This is another downfall of cheating, if you don't leave you BF, your mind will always wonder if you should have, which keeps you from working on and loving the man your with.

Really don't have much time now to go into my story. I can tell you reading all of these help a lot. Sometimes a person thinks it only happens to them and ,like me , i am feeling pain that i can't seem to shake. I stumbled upon this by pure accident and i can feel for all of you. I don't know how to deal with what i am feeling. I have been with my wife since we were both 13 married for 32 years we are 51. Her parents got ill back to back for probably 6 yrs she had to take care of them i felt very alone and met this woman yea at a bar after my golf league. She was 16 yrs younger then me and i was in my mid 40's feeling alone and heading to 50 she boosted my ego. I fell deeply in love and lust for her and still love her hell can't get her out of my head, She lived about 20 miles from me but anyway running out of time here. I think the biggest thing is i had an affair with her for 5 yrs and my wife was so busy with her folks that she didn't notice. My wife is a great person and a wonderful wife but like you all say the passion is gone i hug her it feels like hugging a sister. anyway there is a lot more to this story but i have to get busy. wow it does help to talk about this even if it is on here.......thanks hope to read and chat more maybe someone out here can fix me!.....lol take care.

Wow. Just reading your story is cathartic for me. I'm in an affair right now and am not afraid of falling in love 'cause I know I won't. My wife lost her sex drive after our 1st child 22 yrs ago. When I gave up trying a couple of years later - it seemed a relief, but I'd never know 'cause we never talked about it. I started paying for sex about 10 years ago and it helped - a lot! But I can't afford that habit even once a month. I went on Ashley Madison a couple of weeks ago, met an attractive woman in a similar situation and we've been having amazing sex for 3 weeks. Your "hugging your sister" comment really hit home. There is no "there" there w/my wife, but I've also done nothing to try and re-create it. She is just not attractive to me anymore.

Tabletalk - I can so relate.

Thank you guys. It is really comforting to me to find out that i m not the only one in this world trying to get over this kind of experience. The problem with me is that i m still holding in my afair. I can let him go. He has a girlfriend he left her once -for me-he said . He also tells me that he doesn t want to be the cause for me to leave my family and if i ever get divorced for other reasons then we can be together. His exact words was : i m here for you now and i will be forever its your decision. And then he got buck with his ex. He says to me that she means nothing but he is not willing to wait for me all alone. What should i do? Leave a tender loving husband? Does he tell me the truth or his just trying to let me go and move on with his live?

I am so glad I stumbled upon this discussion thread. I have been feeling so lost and in a similar situation. I have been with my partner for 16 years, we met when really quite young. I am 34 now. Over the years she has been a fantastic partner but gradually things have changed, she seems more interested in her work then in me. Anyway to cut a long story short, there was a woman at work that I started talking to and things gradually built until one night we met up and things turned into more then friendship. The problem is I do love my partner to bits but the feeling of being alive and just pure passion is now back. I really don't know what to do. I am so lost and I hate what I have done. Its just nice being able to tell someone, even if its only through a keyboard. I have started to get quite depressed by it all and just feel so lost.

Been there done that w/depression. Don't let it control you. Get some exercise. That is the only cure for me. That said, getting started is a *****. But SO worth it. Take care of yourself FIRST!

its not easy, pray and ask God for guidance and i know he will help you!!!!!always have a room for dissapointments and always know that never trust a person un lees the devil outside that person. we always want what does not belong to us and we invest so nuch that we end up being hurt. love yourself and do what you always want and always out yourself number one. you are a strong woman. nothing is hard and impossible..

I've found that alot of women confuse the joy of sex and sexual lust with love.

I had an affair with an old fling that I never realized I cared for that much when we were younger. I still struggle from the emotional battle of "what ifs." Its ironic because I was the one that broke the affair. I thought about my relationship with my husband and started noticing things from the old fling that I knew would just **** me off later on if our relationship continued. Like the way he ate his food... his bathroom habits... his constant want for cleanliness around the house. Just lots of stuff. I felt I was doing him a favor by leaving him because I think his idea of who I was did not jive with who I was in reality. The same goes vice versa.<br />
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I also think under the eyes of God, I commited a sin. Since my heart longs to follow God and his commandments more (granted I knew I needed to be forgiven for this sin), I decided never to allow myself to get carried away in this kind of situation again. I strongholded my relationship with my husband and despite the feelings of "what if," I know in my heart now that my decisions are right and good. <br />
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Love has to be learned, not simply felt. When I learned to respect my husband again and support him in his endeavors in helping our family, I realized that I really love this man and am willing to sacrifice my selfishness to make our relationship thrive. My feelings change ba<x>sed on my moods, but I stand on the truth as a constant and an absolute about what has carried us this far in our marriage since the affair and I am satisfied and I feel accomplished.<br />
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I love my husband very much. When I had my affair, I felt dishonest with myself for betraying him. I still have my days od "what if," but I think the one I had the affair with has gotten on fine without me. I send up a prayer to heaven and I keep moving forward when I feel down about it. Thank you for taking the time to share your side of things here though.

i envy your courage.. you are a strong woman... i wish you all the best in your marriage and always put god first.

Did your husband ever find out? I just started an affair and the logistics are are so damn easy and it's filling a void in my sexless marriage. If your husband never found out, how do you process that burden? I feel like I could carry this on for a long period of time and not get caught because it's just so damn easy and I don't take stupid chances just to meet w/her. I just **********.

I'm sorry your husband wasn't providing for you like he should have been. I think an anonymous blog would help you get some of your feeling out in the open. I've done the same thing since I had an affair and was found out. It's been a great help for me. fallenpastor.blogspot.com<br />
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I agree with the other poster who said to tuck away your experience and keep it in your heart. You know, it will take time for these memories to make complete sense to you and settle in your mind. It was obviously a very meaningful time for you. I don't know if it's possible, but I'm sure you can learn a lot from it.<br />
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You have an excellent skill at writing, and you really should write some of it down in a blog while it's fresh. Good luck.

Hi ladies, I have read your posts and interesting to see not a single man posting here. I intend to be the first one.<br />
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I recently came out of a two year old affair. She is a divorced girl, i am married with two kids. We were both very successful and had the most amazing sexual chemistry. i do love my life and my kids, and of course my wife. But we dont click. I have kept the affair from my wife as i dont ant to hurt her. <br />
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I had many get aways with my affair partner and we had the most amazing time. Although i was on a psychological high, there were times that i was on a moral low. I felt guilty. I felt guilty that the time i was spending with her, i could have been spending with my kids. <br />
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She ended a few weeks ago. She was just too jealous of the life i have with my family that she couldn't take it anymore. Although she loved me, and she loved me so much, she has been very firm with her decision. <br />
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And god i miss her, i miss her a lot. I dont think i can ever be that happy again. But what can i do. This is what it is, i am not going to leave my family for her. <br />
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Guess ill have to suffer silently, and i hope the feeling fades away some day. Just feels very lonely.

I won't lie to you, but I hope the man I was with feels like this too. He had been in my life for six years and we have had some type of relationship. He was my lover and friend. I know he felt the same for me but just couldn't or wouldnt leave his girlfriend. I never asked him to. I regret not telling him before, long ago, when we first met. I never thought he and i would turn into what it was. I have met a man. A wonderful man that doesn't need to keep me a secret. That can tell the world how much he loves me. Give me a family and home for us. My life is going to be wonderful. I will never forget the other guy. Always think what if. I know he does too. How could he not. We had a connection. A Passion for each other that will never go away. I am so excited for my future, but I will always love that other guy. Even if it wasn't a normal relationship. It was still a relationship. He and I have had some very ugly times but I still can't seem to let him go... It's a ****** feeling living someone you know you will never be with....

**loving not living :)

I'm in an affair right now and am not afraid of falling in love 'cause I know I won't. My wife lost her sex drive after our 1st child 22 yrs ago. When I gave up trying a couple of years later - it seemed a relief, but I'd never know 'cause we never talked about it. I started paying for sex about 10 years ago and it helped - a lot! But I can't afford that habit even once a month. I went on Ashley Madison a couple of weeks ago, met an attractive woman in a similar situation and we've been having amazing sex for 3 weeks. Intimacy w/my wife feels like "hugging my sister". There is no "there" there w/my wife, but I've also done nothing to try and re-create it. She is just not attractive to me anymore.

I feel your pain.same situation with me except I'm a married woman and you are a married man.And, yes! It hurts like hell

1 More Response

Hi ladies, I have read your posts and interesting to see not a single man posting here. I intend to be the first one.<br />
<br />
I recently came out of a two year old affair. She is a divorced girl, i am married with two kids. We were both very successful and had the most amazing sexual chemistry. i do love my life and my kids, and of course my wife. But we dont click. I have kept the affair from my wife as i dont ant to hurt her. <br />
<br />
I had many get aways with my affair partner and we had the most amazing time. Although i was on a psychological high, there were times that i was on a moral low. I felt guilty. I felt guilty that the time i was spending with her, i could have been spending with my kids. <br />
<br />
She ended a few weeks ago. She was just too jealous of the life i have with my family that she couldn't take it anymore. Although she loved me, and she loved me so much, she has been very firm with her decision. <br />
<br />
And god i miss her, i miss her a lot. I dont think i can ever be that happy again. But what can i do. This is what it is, i am not going to leave my family for her. <br />
<br />
Guess ill have to suffer silently, and i hope the feeling fades away some day. Just feels very lonely.

Tabletalk - if you're an athlete - get back in the game and break a sweat. The production of endorphines is very helpful.

To those who have commented. I'm quite surprised by all of this. So many of you have had such similar experiences to mine. I also feel like i had an amazing, caring, loving connection with my affair partner. Passion like I never knew was even possible. I felt more comfortable with him than I did with my husband I've been with for almost 15 years. I never felt that kind of passion before, definitely not with my husband. My husband is a great guy, overall. We are just different people and he is very closed emotionally. We also tend to do things separately. He is a funny guy, makes me laugh, is very supportive of me and I know he loves me very much. To be honest though, the thought of never being with my other guy is way too painful for me. I live in constant worry that he is going to end things with me. It's a terrible feeling to be in wondering if I'll see him again. This has been the most wonderful and painful experience at the same time.

OMG! That is EXACTLY what my affair was like. I knew him 20 yrs ago and loved him very much back then. He contacted me a year ago and it was so easy to fall for him all over again. It was a difficult decision for us to get together because we are both married with kids and like you we live in different states so it wasn't easy. We only got together twice and we had the most amazing sex and chemistry I've ever experienced, hours and hours it was unbelievable! I'd give anything to be with him again but it is also incredibly painful. I know he will not leave his family to be with me, he has made that clear. Of late, he has cooled things with me and I think deep down that is probably best, but I am having a TERRIBLE time getting over him and trying to make things better with my husband. I did not confess and don't intend to. I don't want to hurt him but I do want to feel better again. I'm finding it very hard to let go and forget about him and what it was like to be with him. I read two things which have helped me, it's better to end things with a positive memory, not beaten down and lives ruined and also...go on a man diet...no affair partner, no husband...i don't mean leave the husband, just don't focus on men. No man thoughts at all. That's what I'm trying to do...focus on other things, job, kids, working out, decorating....whatever, just not sex. Hopefully, the rest will fix itself.

Anybody have any advice for "getting over the affair"?? I'm the one who broke off a 6-month affair just recently. Both me and my lover are married.... in terrible sexless marriages. Nobody ever found out about us... but the guilt was just killing me, and I had to end it. I ended it once... and then we got back together a couple times... then just recently I ended it again. He's really mad and sad..... but I know he would take me back in a heartbeat. How do I GET OVER HIM?? We had SO much passion! It's so hard to not think of him. Is it better to cut off ALL communication?? Or is it easier to keep emailing and try to be "just friends"?? Does anyone have any advice?

CPAguy,<br />
Thanks for your comments. But in my case sex with my husband was never like the sex I had in my affair. Sure the sex was better for us when we first married than it is 15 years later. I have since forgotten about that man I had the affair with, but unfortunately it is because I have replaced thoughts of him with another man....... not my husband. I am beginning to think maybe I am just not marriage material. *sigh*

worldgirl & noexcuses,<br />
<br />
Blending the two worlds together...... my lover was so passionate...... my husband is do dependable.... ol reliable. Is that what love becomes after 15 years? Reliability???? I guess we want it all. Is that selfish? Unrealistic??? I would like to think not. I believe some of us just simply change over time and when we reach the middle of our lives we start to have a better grasp of what it is we really want. What is important to us. I too... did not realize how much the passion was missing from my life until this man seduced me in the most beautiful, unforgetable way.... time after time. Here I sit on a Friday night on the computer talking to strangers. My husband is upstairs on the computer playing card games with strangers. What is wrong with this picture? I am beginning to think the only way we are going to begin to work thru this is to go to therapy - but I don't think he would do it. Maybe I should just go by myself. The affair has changed my life in so many ways. My future that once seemed sealed forever is now on rocky ground.......

worldgirl, there are many of us out here in the same or similar position. My husband and I are a great team - energetic, creative, respectful. Somewhere along the line we went from broke college students to broke newlyweds to making-a-little-progress-ooops-we-are-new-parents to two people who share a list of financial and personal obligations. I've had a BF for 7 years - he provides the things that are missing from the marriage. If there was only some way to blend them together (the two worlds, I mean) I think it would be amazing. But, the way it is isn't bad either. I don't think I can look to the past and try to recapture what hubby and I first had. I think it will require my falling in love with the person he is now - but I think I only love him as a friend!

unabletoforget - I agree about the learnings that come out of something like this. I have been working with two psychologists to work through the drama and emotion and "take aways" from the affair - what I have been missing, what I can do to find it in my marriage, and what probably will always be missing, so how do I fulfill that part of my life??? I never really new what was missing before - I was happily going about my life - together with my husband for 17 years - and I guess at some level knew I wasn't passionately in love - but didn't think much about it. My "other" man opened my eyes to the depth of a connection that one can have - and I DON'T have with my husband. He opened my eyes to the passion I was missing, and didn't even realize I needed. He opened my eyes to my unmet needs to be taken care of - I am a control freak that takes care of everyone and everything in my life and everyone else's lives! And the best part was that he somehow intuitively knew what I needed and how to meet those needs - I did not have to explain it or ask for it. he knew how to listen and probe and respond and make me feel safe and calm and cared for. I have to say that I had with him some of the most relaxing and deeply rewarding times in my entire life.<br />
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Not that my husband is a bad person - quite the opposite - he is a friendly, out-going, fun-loving guy who takes care of the house and the kid. But over the years we have grown apart, have different interests, different styles, and different areas of focus. I appreciate all he does, but he just doesn't "do it" for me anymore. He is a great Dad, and a good friend, but we fell into a more "transactional" relationship than a deep, meaningful one.<br />
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i am trying to figure out how to be happy again with dear hubby. Slowly, ever so slowly, it is happening - little glimpses of what is used to be or could be. Trying not to be mad at him for not being "the other guy" and accept him for what he does bring, but without selling out or settling for less than I need now. <br />
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I am so thrilled to finally find other women that have had the same experience. This is not something I can talk about to any of my friends - most of them would know the other guy - and I have felt so isolated and alone. Thank you for sharing!

unabletoforget - I agree about the learnings that come out of something like this. I have been working with two psychologists to work through the drama and emotion and "take aways" from the affair - what I have been missing, what I can do to find it in my marriage, and what probably will always be missing, so how do I fulfill that part of my life??? I never really new what was missing before - I was happily going about my life - together with my husband for 17 years - and I guess at some level knew I wasn't passionately in love - but didn't think much about it. My "other" man opened my eyes to the depth of a connection that one can have - and I DON'T have with my husband. He opened my eyes to the passion I was missing, and didn't even realize I needed. He opened my eyes to my unmet needs to be taken care of - I am a control freak that takes care of everyone and everything in my life and everyone else's lives! And the best part was that he somehow intuitively knew what I needed and how to meet those needs - I did not have to explain it or ask for it. he knew how to listen and probe and respond and make me feel safe and calm and cared for. I have to say that I had with him some of the most relaxing and deeply rewarding times in my entire life.<br />
<br />
Not that my husband is a bad person - quite the opposite - he is a friendly, out-going, fun-loving guy who takes care of the house and the kid. But over the years we have grown apart, have different interests, different styles, and different areas of focus. I appreciate all he does, but he just doesn't "do it" for me anymore. He is a great Dad, and a good friend, but we fell into a more "transactional" relationship than a deep, meaningful one.<br />
<br />
i am trying to figure out how to be happy again with dear hubby. Slowly, ever so slowly, it is happening - little glimpses of what is used to be or could be. Trying not to be mad at him for not being "the other guy" and accept him for what he does bring, but without selling out or settling for less than I need now. <br />
<br />
I am so thrilled to finally find other women that have had the same experience. This is not something I can talk about to any of my friends - most of them would know the other guy - and I have felt so isolated and alone. Thank you for sharing!

ralb - you have exactly written my story - right down the the deep emotional connection that had very little to do with sex, although that, too, was amazing, how often and how much we talked, and the amount of time since we were caught and I have not been able to have contact. I, too, cry myself to sleep thinking about him, and spent time every day remembering the good times, wondering what could have been, wondering what he is doing, wondering if I will ever be that happy again. The part that hurts the most is that he has not reached out to me - trying to work on his marriage. I never expected him to leave his wife, nor me to leave my husband, but keeping the "second life" - the fulfilling, happy, exciting, mutually supportive and satisfying, was a goal. The fact that when we got caught he did not have the stomach to make it work makes crazy. We loved each other deeply, went through much to see and talk to each other continually, even getting away on several trips, it is still inconceivable to me that he didn't want to find a way to make it work.

Ralb,<br />
I know what you mean. If he called or text me I would not hesitate to see him again. It has been really hard for me not to contact him, but I think as time goes on it is getting a ltitle easier. I realize I have many things to be thankful for in my life and I can't waiste my time being sad. That is one thing this affair has definately done for me..... it has awoke something inside of me that I think has been asleep for quite a while. I''ve realized that something I enjoy and crave has been missing from my life for a long time. PASSION!!! I have a good relationship with my husband. He is a great, kind and caring man...... sometimes a little too laid back for me. It seems odd to me that I don't have that passion in my marriage...... but I guess it really is not all that unusual. I keep thinking there must be a way to have passion like that with my husband..... but unfortunately I just don't think the chemistry is the same. When you say you got caught, do you mean both your husband and his wife found out? I did not get to see my lover as much because we live far far away from each other. If you live in the same town...do you have the chance of accidently running in to him or his wife? That would be weird. I am thinking about starting a blog about this whole experience and how it has changed my life, my marriage..... and where it all goes from here. Good luck to you too!

When one has an affair (the cheating kind, not the open marriage kind), it is pretty much inevitable that there will be a lot of hurt. There is an emotional relationship that is doomed. Next time the opportunity for an affair presents itself, you will be aware of the consequences and decide whether the pleasures will outweigh the hurts.<br />
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You probably did mean a lot to your lover, and that is why he needs to withdraw from you. Rejoice in knowing that he fell hard for you. But unless you are both prepared to sacrifice your marriages, it was bound to end this way.

I am definately confused about this whole thing. Sex, love, passion...... The thing is.... this was not just some one night stand. We met each other, had a great time as friends.... just hanging out..... went our separate ways and then began to correspond via email. After a couple of months we started talking on the phone and texting and then after about four months we finally got together and spent the weekend together. It took a lot of planning and coordinating for us to work this out. The weekend was amazing. I have never experienced anything quite like it. Anyway, about a month later..... we met again. Then, about a month or two after that he began to slowly withdraw from me. Not answering my emails, etc. When I finally did talk to him he said he was trying to work things out with his marriage and that he did not think it was good idea if we communicated anymore. Even though I understood that he needed to focus his attention on saving his marriage, I was also very disappointed this little secret affair of ours could not continue. Anyway..... I went thru a whole series of emotions. I was actually angry at him and myself for believing that I actually meant anything to him. I guess that is the price you pay when you are the "other woman". In the end his wife won out.... which I guess is only fair. I can't help but wonder if I will never know if they "worked things out".<br />
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Outofbiz.....interesting relationship you have with your spouse. Just curious how you meet these other men? Aren't you worried about catching some disease or bringing home a serial killer or something? I am not judging.... just curious. I don't think I could ever have sex with someone I just met..... or fall for someone I met on line and have never talked to face face. I feel like I am pretty open minded - but I guess I am not there yet. Maybe I am a little old fashion.

While I envy Outofbiz's lifestyle, very few couples are able to have an open marriage. My wife and I technically had one for a couple of weeks, because I allowed her to go to New York and have sex with a man, and she allowed me to have sex with a ladyfriend here in our home city. I was ok with her fling but when I returned home from my tryst she was very upset. I got together with my friend a couple more times, but I didn't tell my wife. Why upset her?<br />
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Unfortunately, when it comes to extramarital sex, for most people it is best to never tell. While honesty is usually admirable, if the cheated spouse has no idea about an affair, they are not hurt. Confession does you some good by cleansing some of the guilt, but it does nothing for your spouse. I hear what you are saying about being a poor liar, so you may have given the game away and had no choice.<br />
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How has you husband handled news of your affair?

I think you are confusing the joy of sex with love for this guy. Women tend to do that. We tend to link sex and love. But there is no real connection at all.<br />
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Why on Earth would you want to forget him? Tuck him away in your memory with all your other delicious and wonderful memories.<br />
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Then, stop whining and go find your next lover. Obviously, you are unhappy with being monogamous, and you are hungry for sexual freedom. Admit your own desire, embrace it, and go for it.<br />
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Be honest with your husband, tell him that you need and want other men in your life. Don't sneak around. But don't deny yourself either. Just because you are married is no reason not to enjoy other lovers. If your husband does not satisfy you sexually, then you have every right to seek satisfaction.<br />
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You obviously are a very passionate and sexual woman. So be true to yourself

We actually spent two weekends together - about 6 weeks apart. My hubby was.... let's say..... on an "extended business trip". I pretty much volunteered the information. He kind of sensed from our phone conversations that something was up..... I am not a very good liar..... and I do love him and felt at the very least I should be honest with him.

Wondering how you two managed to spend a weekend together. Where was hubby? And how did hubby find out? Did you simply volunteer the information?

Honestly..... I don't want to forget about him.... I don't see how I ever could. I have tried telling myself that it was a wonderful experience .... one that has changed me....left a mark on my soul. Even though it has been several months since I have been with him, we just recently cut off all communication and I think that is what has been so difficult for me. I am pretty sure with time, these feelings will fade. Thanks for your comments.

is he really worth it to cause you so much paid and heartche???be strong and move on with your life. remeber your purpose here in this world and you need to fullfil it.always put yourself first always...i mean always.. and you are more than ordinary.

My first impulse was to tell you not to try to forget about it, but to consider it as a wonderful experience that is now over. But on reflection it appears that there is a lot more behind this, perhaps a poor marriage, perhaps guilt, perhaps you just got too emotionally attached to your lover. I doubt that any of us here are in a position to fully understand your situation and therefore to advise. You might need professional counseling. I wish you luck in resolving this.

I understand your conflicted feelings. I was with someone who was gorgeous, sexy, charming, hypnotic and mesmerizing...once. We met, the tension built, we spent one night together and never again. That has been over 21 years ago! Not that this has gotten in my way of moving on and so forth - I have a great life. I just wanted to share the idea that this man may never leave your head. My friend died, so my perspective changed to completely past-tense. But that was still several years after our encounter. I think of him often, fondly and of course wonder what if...