I May Never Love Again.

I have been in a sexless marriage for longer than I care to admit. My children are in high school, but were younger when i had an affair with a married man who was in a similar situation as me, except his kids were in high school at that time. My husband discovered the affair and we separated for almost a year. During that year, I had to decide whether to return to my sexless marriage to a kind man who was the father of my children or to file for a divorce. In making my decision I was trying not to let the other man be the reason I left and in the end he was the reason I stayed. I could not file for a divorce and continue seeing the OM whom I was in love with because my self respect would not allow it. He made it very clear that the status quo was perfect for him and he had no plans to get divorced until his kids were grown (5 years).

I thought a divorce and a break up with my lover at the same time (in addition to financial difficulties) would be too difficult to endure so i decided it would be less costly to end the affair first. I'm so glad that i did, even though it was really, really hard. My ex-lover threw quite a tantrum at my "unilateral decision" to end it, even though I had been threatening to do so because he was not making any plans towards a separation from his wife. His behavior after the affair ended opened my eyes to all the negative characteristics his wife is probably privy to and which I was too blind to see. He wanted to keep me as his mistress because he was too much of a coward to leave his wife and too selfish to let me go. He still, years later, contacts me and keeps up the charade that he is waiting for the right time to leave his wife, but right now I cannot because ... etc, etc,. There will always be a reason for him not to leave and I don't think he ever will.

I was so broken-hearted by the break up with my lover and the subsequent realization that other than in the sexual department, he gave me very little and took all that I had. I have tried to reconcile with my husband and we are both resigned to being coparents and friends at the moment. I'm not in any hurry to be divorced because I have no desire to fall in love or make love ever again.
wantingitback wantingitback
51-55, F
6 Responses Apr 24, 2012

Isn't that how it is. Once you can step away from the fantasy that you've created, and are forced to look at reality, financial, social, moral.
I hope that you are doing well. It has take awhile for me to recover.

Wow sorry for what you have been through and dealt with.Being in a marriage like that is hard and often leads to those types of situations.<br />
I am glad you had your eyes open,sounds like that guy had anger issues and perhaps you got out in nick of time.<br />
I hope something great happens for you going forward.Thanks for sharing.

That it is very, very sad...and it makes me angry inside that another man could do so much damage to another woman. In fact, I think calling him a man is an absolute insult to all men. He does not deserve it. I am not claiming to be perfect, especially since I have had sex outside my marriage (not anything I wouldn't allow my wife to do...and in fact want her to do), but could he not at least be honest and just say that he was never going to leave and just be lovers??? What the hell...he certainly is not deserving of you or any other woman...I am very sorry for you....PLEASE do not resign yourself to a life without love, without lust, without passion, without sex...because there are men who know how to GIVE to a woman unselfishly. Truly give!!!

Very sad honey. I love the other man that i have been seeing and im starting to feel that im just being used. I hope for both of our sakes things work out and maybe we can both have the love we deserve. Much luck sweetie.

What a story. Thank you for baring your soul.

not a good story, for sure. Ok so as we look back on our lives, we all have regrets and wish we could re-live some of those experiences. In your case, your followed the lure of romance with a married man... that was your choice but don't beat yourself up on that. and apparently you had an inattentive husband who was not(is not) satisfying you.<br />
<br />
you decided to stay with your husband. maybe you should try to rethink why you married him in the first place and rekindle that spark that was once between you. life is tough sometimes and you just have to regroup and kinda start over.... otherwise, you will be miserable the rest of your life... good luck