I May Never Love Again.I have been in a sexless marriage for longer than I care to admit. My children are in high school, but were younger when i had an affair with a married man who was in a similar situation as me, except his kids were in high school at that time. My husband discovered the affair and we separated for almost a year. During that year, I had to decide whether to return to my sexless marriage to a kind man who was the father of my children or to file for a divorce. In making my decision I was trying not to let the other man be the reason I left and in the end he was the reason I stayed. I could not file for a divorce and continue seeing the OM whom I was in love with because my self respect would not allow it. He made it very clear that the status quo was perfect for him and he had no plans to get divorced until his kids were grown (5 years).
I thought a divorce and a break up with my lover at the same time (in addition to financial difficulties) would be too difficult to endure so i decided it would be less costly to end the affair first. I'm so glad that i did, even though it was really, really hard. My ex-lover threw quite a tantrum at my "unilateral decision" to end it, even though I had been threatening to do so because he was not making any plans towards a separation from his wife. His behavior after the affair ended opened my eyes to all the negative characteristics his wife is probably privy to and which I was too blind to see. He wanted to keep me as his mistress because he was too much of a coward to leave his wife and too selfish to let me go. He still, years later, contacts me and keeps up the charade that he is waiting for the right time to leave his wife, but right now I cannot because ... etc, etc,. There will always be a reason for him not to leave and I don't think he ever will.
I was so broken-hearted by the break up with my lover and the subsequent realization that other than in the sexual department, he gave me very little and took all that I had. I have tried to reconcile with my husband and we are both resigned to being coparents and friends at the moment. I'm not in any hurry to be divorced because I have no desire to fall in love or make love ever again.
wantingitback 51-55, F 6 Responses 0 Apr 24, 2012