I'm A Married Woman, He's A Married Man And Now Our 10 Year Affair Is Over

I have been on the site looking at different stories about people and their affairs. Some are similar to mine, others not. I wanted to share with men and women my 10 year affair. It started between us when we worked together. He approached me first and I immediately fell for him. Tall, hot, smile that knocks a girl off her feet. He had it all. Both of us were "happily" married, so we told each other. I look back now and think that if I was so happily married at the time, why did I ever stray? We both agreed that we would never leave our spouses. That our families were the most important things to us. But we both agreed that we were missing certain things in our lives that we didn't get from our spouses. His being hot sex. Mine being more about passion and love. So the 10 year road began. I was an emotional rollercoater week after week and year after year. My life revolved around him. I thought about him constantly. I catered to his every need and gave him everything he wanted out of our relationship. I sat by the phone waiting for him to call. I up and jumped when he called me at the spur of the moment to meet for sex. My heart ached from the time he left to the time I seen him again. Note: Back tracking a bit. We worked together for six years. I left the company and we stayed together for the other four. My job allowed for a very flexible schedule so it was very easy to meet him. All the while me fulfilling his needs but mine never met. Sure he was loving, the kisses were great, the touching my face and looking into my eyes made me melt, but he kept that invisible distance. He always told me that he cared about me and that I meant so much to him. I would tell him that he was holding a wall up and to please let it down that I needed him. Time after time I would try to walk away from the relationship and we would always meet somewhere and everytime I got the same thing. You make me feel like a man, I want to be with you. And the famous words that made me stay everytime were, I love you. But he would never tell me that unless I wanted to walk away. It would then lead to incredible sex and I would be happy for a few more months. Then I would start feeling alone again. And like I said earlier this went on week after week and year after year. I was an emotional wreck. We always promised each other that we would remain friends should our relationship end. I truly believed that. Then the phone call came recently. I had been out of town and hadn't seen him in two weeks. I sent him a text asking that he call when he had time for me and that I had missed talking to him. No response. Which wasn't uncommon for us. We didn't leave a trail of to many things showing that we communicated with each other. A few hours later his call comes in. I answered in a great mood because he was calling. But the tone in his voice was different. I asked him what was wrong. He told me that I wouldn't be seeing him for awhile. That he had some personal things going on in his life that he had to get straight. I asked him what it was. He said he didn't want to tell me. That it was just personal stuff. I proceeded to tell him that the least he could do was tell me what it was beings we were together all these years. He told me that someone had approached him a few days after we had seen each other last. Which was right before my trip out of town. He said that this person's friend had seen him and I walk out of a hotel together. Of course my stomach knotted up. I asked if his wife had found out. He told me no but that he needed to get his priorities straight. He couldn't lose his family. He said he cared about me very much and that he thinks about me all of the time. As I was trying not to cry, inside I did understand what he needed to do. Me being in those shoes, I would have done all I could for my husband not to find out about us. I asked him if I would ever see him again. His response was no and please don't call me, text me, or try to contact me in any way. He couldn't have a trail of any kind showing that we spoke. He works very closely with the person that found out about us. That person happens to know me as well. Although he wouldn't tell me who it was, I'm pretty sure I know who it is. After he told me I would never see him again, my whole world felt like it had shattered. Right before we hung up I told him that I loved him. He didn't answer and just said goodbye. The pain that I feel is still very fresh. I go through many emotions. Sad, feeling like I lost a part of my heart. Grieving like I had just lost my spouse. Crying spells. And then at times, mad as hell at him. Thinking how could the selfish son of a ***** do this to me. So here I sit writing my story feeling like a lost soul. I ask myself questions like, will I ever hear from him again? What will I do if we ever run into each other? Will I say hello or will I just break down and cry. Or if he does call me again, which I don't think he will, will I fall right back into that same mess? And what will I say to him if we ever do talk again? I know deep down he never loved me. He enjoyed me for 10 years to please himself only. And there were times that I had suspected him cheating on me with other women. He would deny, of course, and knowing the truth, I would turn a blind eye because I just couldn't bear the thought of losing him. I do know that my life will go on. I will be ok. I am a strong woman but my only weakness was him and still is. I wish him no ill will and for him to be happy as we move on without each other. Now I just need to stand strong while I hurt and know that it will get easier as each day goes by. My advice to all men and women out there that are thinking about having an affair, it's not worth the heartache. Walk away from it before you end up like I did.
blueskymorn blueskymorn
41-45, F
May 10, 2012